If It's Not Me, It's You
by Self-Inflicted Insanity
Summary: "But this pride... I'll just have to... get rid of it!" In which Light's personality doesn't change when he loses his memories of the Death Note, and he deduces that the only possible solution to the Kira Case is that he's Kira and just doesn't remember it—or that Ryuzaki is Kira and framed him for it.
1. The One Behind It All

**Author Notes**

* * *

Light's personality change when he lost his memories of the Death Note really bothered me, so thought I'd write him my way and see what happens.

Every character in this story is OOC because I am not Tsugumi Ohba.

* * *

 **The One Behind It All  
**

* * *

 _1st day of confinement_

* * *

The first thing Light noticed about the cell upon entering was the security camera located at the ceiling just outside of the bars of the cell. He knew that Ryuzaki was already watching, and he stared into the lens for a moment, making sure that Ryuzaki was fully aware that he understood what it was there for, before turning his gaze away and continuing to examine his surroundings.

The cell they had prepared for him was a drab, bare thing. Gray concrete floor, walls tiled with gray concrete squares, a toilet in the back left corner and a thin cot in the back right. There were two lights, one that shone on the back wall and one that shone on the floor in front of the barred door. It was enough to keep him illuminated no matter where in the cell he was, but it wasn't enough to keep shadows from collecting like cobwebs in the corners of the room and underneath the cot.

The front of the cell was composed of many round vertical bars fortified every foot by thicker, rectangular bars that cut across horizontally. Beyond the bars lay the gray concrete wall of the corridor, but there didn't seem to be a draft.

It was not warm in the cell, but it was not cold, either. For the quarters of someone who was potentially a mass murderer, it was rather comfortable. It could certainly be worse.

Light sat on the edge of the cot with his back straight, and prepared to wait.

 _All that's left is to get rid of the Notebook,_ he thought, and fought the urge to smile. _All the pieces are in place._

 _Check._

* * *

 _3rd day of confinement_

* * *

"Ryuzaki, what's happening?" Light asked, turning his gaze up to the camera, making sure to add a hint of urgency to his voice. "Have any new criminals been broadcast that Kira would target in the last couple days? Did Kira kill anyone?"

" _Quite a few criminals have been broadcast,"_ came Ryuzaki's voice over the speaker, void of inflection, _"but since you've been detained, none of them have been killed."_

"No one's been killed?" Light said, making sure to sound surprised, scared, slightly desperate. "Really?"

" _Yes."_

"I see," Light said, and looked down, closing his eyes and curving his lips into a wry, mirthless smile, letting a bit of black humor seep into his voice. "Maybe I _am_ Kira..."

'Oh man,' Ryuk complained beside him, 'I wanna eat an apple…'

 _Bet you thought the murders wouldn't stop, didn't you, Ryuzaki?_ Light though, even as he let the mirthless smile fall away, inhaling and exhaling slowly as if bracing himself for something. _You're bound to be wondering why I would ask to be confined like this if the murders were going to stop and seem to confirm my guilt, and then you'll wonder if I think that I'd be able to get off by pretending to not have self-awareness of the murders._

 _You're good at telling whether or not people are lying, Ryuzaki. Just wait until I look you in the eyes and tell you, truthfully, that I'm not Kira. You'll have no choice but to believe I was being controlled—it's been proved that Kira can control people's actions, after all. And once you believe that…_

 _Checkmate._

* * *

 _5th day of confinement_

* * *

'I can't take it, Light,' complained Ryuk, twisting and lurching around at the edge of Light's field of vision. 'If I don't eat an apple soon…'

 _Anyway, I just have to get through it,_ Light thought, ignoring the Shinigami. _Even if there's nothing to do._

The boredom was eating away at him, clawing at the edges of his mind, a vague urge to scream starting to congeal in his throat, resolutely swallowed back down each time it started to rise like bile.

He went over his plan again and again, running over all the pieces in his mind, the ways they were bound to move, checking and double-checking everything just to make sure.

 _The pieces are all set up perfectly,_ he thought. _The only uncertainty is how I'll go about approaching solving the Kira case after I lose my memories, how much I'll be able to figure out, and what I'll do with that information._

 _Yes, the only person who could possibly ruin my plan is me… and if that happens, I may have to…_

(Afternoon sunlight streamed in through the window, lazy and bronze, and something black was falling from the sky—)

He checked back over the elements of his plan.

* * *

 _7th day of confinement_

* * *

Light was sitting on the floor with his arms pressed against the edge of the cot, knees pulled up to his chest and head down, staring at the blank concrete floor in front of him (the boredom was raking at his mind like nails on a chalkboard, ignore it, ignore it—) when the speakers crackled to life.

" _Light-kun,"_ came Ryuzaki's voice, as clinical as ever, _"it's only been one week, but you're looking worn out. Are you all right?"_

 _Now that I've come this far, I think it's about time…_ Light thought, closing his eyes for a moment and taking a silent, shallow breath. He then lifted his head, opening his eyes, but did not look at the camera, keeping his gaze straight ahead of him. "Yeah," he said, letting his voice shake a little bit (the pressure building in his chest, acid in his throat, swallow it back down, swallow it back down—), "I know I probably look pretty bad in here, but... this useless pride, I'll just have to… _get rid it of it."_

'Huh?' Ryuk said, grunting as he untwisted from his warped headstand, lurching to his feet and looming over Light. 'All right. Got it.'

Out of the corner of his eye Light saw him turn and lumber awkwardly away, heard his gravelly, 'See you later' as he disappeared through the wall.

 _The last piece has been set into motion,_ Light thought, not even having to fight back an urge to smile (the tedium had set in like a mold, creeping over his mind, mycelium of fluffy white threads over the surface, have to keep away the biodegradation, have to focus on something—). _Don't mess this up for me—_

The thoughts and memories slid away, soap in the shower, down the drain into an unrecoverable darkness.

Light blinked. He hadn't showered in a week, and he felt disgusting, and he was bored and sick and tired of sitting there in a cell on the hard floor with his ankles cuffed together and his arms cuffed behind his back, not doing anything.

 _What have I been doing?_ he wondered, looking up at the security camera. _That's the answer, isn't it? I need to let go of my pride and figure out what's actually going on here._

"Ryuzaki," he said, a determination surging within him (the nails grew quieter, the pressure lessened, the mold charred at the edges and flaked away, the soap was—), "could you go over the evidence against me again?"

* * *

Light was no longer sitting straight-backed on the cot but on the floor in front of it, knees drawn up to his chest and head down, hair covering his face. He'd barely moved in hours.

Ryuzaki reached forward and pressed the button to active the speaker in Light's cell. "Light-kun," he said, "it's only been one week, but you're looking worn out. Are you all right?"

There was a long pause in which Light still did not move nor speak. Ryuzaki was about to ask again when Light finally lifted his head, staring straight ahead of him. "Yeah," he said, voice shaking a little bit. _"_ I know I probably look pretty bad in here, but... this useless pride, I'll just have to… _get rid it of it."_

There was an edge to his voice that made Ryuzaki pause, watching.

After a moment, Light blinked, as if a thought had just struck him, and looked up at the camera. "Ryuzaki," he said, the edge still in his voice, "could you go over the evidence against me again?"

Ryuzaki's thumb, which had been rubbing over his lower lip, stopped moving. _What are you thinking, Light?_ Ryuzaki wondered. _There's no way you can slip out of this at this point._

He reached out his hand, pressing the button to activate the microphone again. "You're fully aware of the evidence against you, Light-kun."

"Ryuzaki," Light said, staring hard at the camera lens, "I've been locked in here for a week with nothing to do but watch my mind turn on itself. I don't think it wise to trust my memory of certain details at this point."

It was a fair point (Ryuzaki knew full well the way boredom could tear through coherent thoughts like raccoons through a trashcan; the way it made the glinting edge of a knife pressed up against skin look innocent; the way it set into the mind like the inescapable, deafening toll of church bells—) and he saw no reason not to acquiesce.

"You were the one that the FBI Agent Raye Penber was investigating in Japan when he died," he said, leaning forward to speak into the mic. "You were also the one who went to Aoyama on May 22nd, and the first person that Misa, the alleged second Kira, approached in the Kanto region. On top of that, as soon as you were detained, all the murders stopped."

"I see," said Light, lowering his gaze, sounding pensive.

"Well, whatever anyone says… can't we just decide that Light Yagami is Kira, and that the case is solved?" asked Aizawa from where he was standing behind Ryuzaki's chair.

Ryuzaki rubbed his thumb over his lip.

"Ryuzaki," Light said, looking back up at the camera, "if that's the case, then why haven't you just decided that I'm Kira, and declared this case solved? It seems to me that you might as well just execute me at this point. There's nobody else Kira could possibly be, right? It all adds up."

"Ah," Aizawa said uncomfortably, shifting his weight.

"We can't do that!" Matsuda blurted. "Ah," there was the soft sound of him scratching at his head, tussling his hair, "I mean, we obviously can't release him now that the murders have stopped. Even I know that. But wouldn't executing him now just be… wrong?"

"I can't do that, Light," Ryuzaki said. "It's only been seven days. That's not enough to determine for certain something as significant as guilt for mass murder."

Light laughed slightly. "How long then, Ryuzaki? How long would you keep me here for, waiting to make sure? A month? Six months? A year?"

"You could always confess," Ryuzaki pointed out. Aizawa and Matsuda were fidgeting behind him.

"A year?" Matsuda was murmuring. "But the Chief…"

"Ryuzaki," Light said, staring straight at the camera—straight at them through the monitor. "I'm not going to confess to something I don't remember doing. While I admit that all the evidence points to me, I have no memories of being Kira. And I know that I asked to be detained because of the possibility that I'm Kira but am just not aware of it, but it seems more and more unlikely to me that Kira would be able to operate without being conscious of it."

"I also don't believe that Kira has been acting without self-awareness all this time," Ryuzaki said. "But if you are him everything matches up." _What's wrong, Light Yagami?_ _What you're saying doesn't make any sense… After all, it's not that you_ may _be Kira, but that you_ are _Kira..._ _If you wanted to be detained to try to get off by saying that you were Kira but weren't aware of it, then why would you say this now and go back on that?_

His thumb rubbed over his lip, pressing the corner of his mouth upwards. _But, for some reason, what you're saying now feels like the truth…_

"It's possible," said Light slowly, seriously, "that I've been framed."

Ryuzaki's eyes widened.

"What's going on?" demanded Aizawa. "This isn't like Light… he's taking back what he said earlier. It makes no logical sense..."

"What are you talking about, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki asked.

"There are only two options here," said Light, not looking away from the security camera. "Either I'm Kira, and I'm just not aware of it…" he narrowed his eyes, as if he could actually see them through the lens, through the monitor. "Or else you've been framing me, Ryuzaki."

Ryuzaki froze (the clamor of silence when the church bells stopped ringing—). _Light Yagami, what are you…?_


	2. Caught You Now

**Caught You Now**

* * *

"There are only two options here," Light said, staring at the security camera. "Either I'm Kira, and I'm just not aware of it…" He narrowed his eyes. "Or else you've been framing me, Ryuzaki."

There was a long pause.

 _So you're surprised, Ryuzaki,_ Light thought, watching the camera and wishing he could see Ryuzaki's reaction. _But are you surprised because I'm correct and you're actually Kira, or because you hadn't considered the possibility that you could be Kira yourself?_

Ryuzaki's voice finally emitted from the speaker, as unaffected as ever. _"You think that I'm Kira and am framing you for it, Light-kun?"_

"I'm just saying that it's the only other possibility," Light said, trying to shrug but just ending up wincing instead, his shoulders too sore from his arms being cuffed behind him for a week.

He leaned back against the cot, the metal pressing against his arms as he looked up at the ceiling. "You're intelligent enough to pull it off, after all. Just think about it: the best way to get away with being Kira would be to blame someone else for it. And I'm the ideal candidate, given my intelligence; you could easily be Kira and pass the actions off onto me, since I could just as easily have done them."

" _You forget that the first person Kira murdered was in the Kanto region of Japan."_

Light righted his head, looking back up at the security camera. "No, I don't," he said firmly. "You announced that on television, after all. That entire set-up in which Lind L. Taylor was killed could easily have been an elaborate lie. You easily could have killed him yourself to make it look like someone else did it, and you could easily have killed Raye Penber while he was investigating me.

"If you're Kira, you obviously would have planned this entire thing from the very beginning: that you would both be Kira and the detective trying to find him, and that you would use me as your scapegoat. It wouldn't have been hard for you to find out about me via government records of my test scores. There aren't many people out there on our level. If you tried to blame it on someone less intelligent than you, it wouldn't work."

He narrowed his eyes, continuing, "Also, don't you think it would make more sense if it were you killing the criminals? You have a legitimate reason to, given your occupation." His arms were starting to tingle so he shifted forward so he was no longer leaning back against the cot. He could feel the blood start to flow through his arms again, but it didn't make his shoulders any less sore. "Maybe you got tired of how slow the criminal justice system is in punishing the criminals you've worked so hard to catch. It certainly makes more sense than a high school student randomly deciding to punish criminals."

His neck was starting to ache from looking up at the camera, so he shifted his gaze down to the gray concrete wall of the corridor, past the bars of his cell. "Also," he continued, "my dad doesn't seem to think I'm capable of being Kira." He smiled slightly. "Not that that means anything—he's a bit of an idealist, and is often blinded by his emotions." The smile fell away and he sobered, glancing back up at the camera lens despite the protestations of his neck. "But I have lots of people who can vouch for my character. Family, friends, classmates. Who do you have who can vouch for you, Ryuzaki? You're much more suspicious than I am."

" _Do you think I framed Misa Amane as well, then?"_

 _You're good at keeping the emotion out of your voice, Ryuzaki,_ Light thought.

But what he said was, "No, I don't," and he lowered his gaze again lest the ache in his neck spread to his head and inhibit his mental ability (he'd take the pain in his arms, in his shoulders, punch him in the gut or even break his legs if you want but _don't touch his head—_ )."It simply would not make any sense for you to do so, for many reasons." He was staring at the gray expanse of concrete floor in front of him but he wasn't really seeing it, caught up in the whirring cogs of his mind.

" _If you believe I'm Kira, Light-kun, then h_ _ow would you explain why you were the first person Misa Amane approached in the Kanto region?"_

"Obviously Misa, as the Second Kira, was looking for the original Kira," Light answered. "However, since you're hiding, she would never have found you. I was the one that went to Aoyama on May 22nd, and she was obviously there, though she did not approach me at the time. However, she showed up at my house claiming that she'd fallen in love with me. She must have seen me when I was in Aoyama, and then somehow figured out my name and found me on the internet."

His eyes narrowed in thought. "How she found out my name, though, I don't know. She could have asked someone, I suppose; I have something of a reputation." He paused. "Or maybe she followed me home. She's proven herself to be something of a stalker."

" _And you weren't suspicious of her, Light-kun? She claims that you're her boyfriend."_

He glanced back up at the camera again, a dry smile tugging at his lips. "She asked me to be her boyfriend and I told her No, but she didn't seem to get the message." The muscles in his neck ached warningly, and he looked back down again, shaking his head slightly, hair brushing over his face. "I thought that she was suspicious, especially after she threatened to harm any other girls I decided to date—"

" _She threatened you, Light-kun?"_

"She said she wouldn't hurt me, only whoever I dated," Light explained. "She insisted that I could only date her. I went along with it because I thought it would give me an opportunity to investigate whether or not she was the Second Kira."

" _You didn't seem all very surprised when I told you that she'd been arrested."_

"I wasn't," Light agreed. He sat back against the cot again so that he could look at the camera without craning his neck. "I was slightly annoyed, though, admittedly, that it meant I wasn't going to have the opportunity to find evidence against her myself."

" _You're saying that you suspected her the entire time?"_

"How could I not?"

" _Then why didn't you say anything, Light-kun? It's because you're Kira, isn't it?"_

 _So you're still pushing the idea that I'm Kira even after I've accused you of framing me,_ Light noted.

"Like I said, Ryuzaki, I have no memories of being Kira." His arms were starting to prickle from lack of circulation, but he ignored them, keeping his gaze on the camera. "And I didn't say anything because I wanted to beat you and prove that I can be a better detective." His lips quirked wryly at that point. "I'm sure you've noticed how competitive I can be. It's part of what makes me the perfect suspect, isn't it?"

" _When did you start to suspect that you might unconsciously be Kira, then?"_

"After you arrested Misa and confirmed my suspicions of her," Light answered. "The Second Kira sent that video saying that she found Kira, and Misa approached me after that, but I wasn't certain whether or not she was the Second Kira. I'd originally thought that, if she wasn't the Second Kira, she could have just fallen for me because of my looks—it wouldn't be the first time something like that happened, after all."

He flexed his fingers behind him just to make sure he could still feel them, and the movement sent cold tingles up and down his arms. "After you confirmed it with the evidence from the tapes, however, it made me suspect that I was the one that the Second Kira was talking about when they said that they'd found Kira, since as far as I know Misa didn't approach anyone else." He paused. "However, I have no memories of being Kira, and she never said anything to be about Kira except that she admired him for killing the criminal who murdered her parents…"

 _That doesn't make sense, does it?_ Light thought, gaze lowering slightly to stare past the bars of his cell and through the wall on the other side of the corridor. _With how enamored of me she seems to be, I'd think that if she believed I were Kira then she would have told me if she were the Second Kira. And she couldn't have known that I was working on the Kira case._

 _She isn't very intelligent—even if she knew that I wasn't Kira, she still would probably have told me, since she seems to love and trust me completely for some unfathomable reason. Is she not the Second Kira, then? But no, she has to be—everything matches up. But if she believed I were Kira she would have told me she was the Second Kira, but she didn't. Did she just approach me because of my looks and decide that she didn't need Kira after all?_

 _Honestly, Misa Amane' s actions make no sense—_

" _You said Misa threatened that she'd harm any other girls you dated,"_ came Ryuzaki's voice, interrupting his thoughts. _"Did she say that she would kill them?"_

"Not explicitly," Light answered, raising his gaze back to the camera.

" _But she insinuated that she would?"_

"It sounded like it," Light said. "Of course, my interpretation of her intention could have been influenced by my suspicion that she was the Second Kira."

" _But you knew I was suspicious that you were Kira, Light-kun. You didn't think that associating with someone who could be the Second Kira would further the evidence against you?"_

"I hadn't even considered that there was a possibility that I could actually be Kira until you arrested Misa and I thought things over again," Light said, even as he distantly realized that he could no longer feel his fingers. That should probably have been somewhat concerning. "Up until that point I was focusing on finding evidence against Misa, because I thought that if I could prove that she was the Second Kira then it would make it clear that I'm not Kira."

He shifted his gaze back to the camera lens when he realized that his gaze had drifted down to the corridor wall again. "But then again, that also seems like something Kira would do, doesn't it? I could be Kira and have been trying to use Misa to improve my credibility, or you could be Kira and trying to use me to improve your credibility. It could be either."

" _When did you come up with the idea that I could be Kira, Light-kun?"_

"When you said that you weren't going to execute me yet."

" _And why is that?"_

"Just think about it," Light said, shifting slightly. "All the evidence right now points to me, right?" He could no longer feel the edge of the cot digging into his arms, and he was pretty sure that if someone chopped off his hands right then he wouldn't feel a thing. But he wasn't about to give up his ability to look into the camera at the person who was watching him and hoping he'd turn out to be a mass murderer. "When I was detained, the murders stopped. I think anyone would consider that enough proof of my guilt to execute me at this point. But you said it wasn't, and couldn't tell me how long would be enough to tell."

He tossed his bangs out of his face, narrowing his eyes. "Why is that? What motivation would you have _not_ to kill me, when I'm the only person who could be Kira? If you were truly a detective you cared about justice, you would execute me.

"But maybe you don't want to me to be executed, because you're actually Kira and using me as a scapegoat. Because if that's the case, then it would be disadvantageous for you to execute me, since you would no longer have me to blame it on.

"As long as I'm alive—even if I'm detained—if any killings happen, there's still a possibility that I'm somehow behind them. But if you kill me and the killing start up again, you lose your credibility as a detective and also become suspicious yourself. If you're Kira, it would make sense for you to keep me detained for an indefinite period of time under the ruse of trying to get a confession out of me, knowing that I am too proud to ever admit to something that I didn't do."

" _That's an interesting theory, Light-kun."_

Light's neck was growing weary from holding up his head, and his arms had lost all feeling, and something in the back of his mind was telling him that that wasn't a good thing. He sighed, shifting forward so he was no longer leaning against the cot, chest pressed to legs as he stared down at the metal cuffs around his ankles.

"And a theory is all it is, after all," Light acknowledged, ribs expanding against his thighs with each inhale, pulling away with each exhale. "There's no proof that you're Kira, just like there's no proof that I'm Kira.

"However, it's possible that, by suggesting this theory, it's made me even more suspicious as a Kira suspect. After all, your ability to operate as a detective depends on your subordinates trusting you. By suggesting this theory, I've probably managed to somewhat damage their trust in you. Planted a seed of doubt, so to speak. Which would be exactly what I would want to do if I were Kira, would it not?"

His arms were stinging as the blood in them began to flow again, and he hissed out a breath at the sensation before continuing, "But it's unlikely that, if I were Kira, I would have just acknowledged that, isn't it?" He managed to twitch his fingers, but it just sharpened the tingles traveling up and down his arms _(rolling around in a thicket of roses, and the petals are falling to the ground but the thorns—)_ , "But then again, maybe that's why, as Kira, I would do it. I further condemn myself no matter what I do."

He lifted his head to look up at the security camera for a moment, staring into the single black eye of the lens. "However, I truly do want to catch Kira," he said _(cervical vertebrae are rusted, caught on something, twinging—)_. He looked down again, hair falling into his face. "Since I am, at this point, the one most likely to be Kira, I do not believe that you should let me out. Detain me a while longer and see whether or not the killings start up again; wait however long you feel you need to." _(wait until I forget that I can't remember killing anybody, nails scratching tally marks into the blackboard, why don't you—)_ "If you decide that I truly am guilty of being Kira, I will accept that verdict." _(kill me and prove I'm right—)_

His could move his fingers again without his arms prickling, and he straightened his back, lifting his head, gaze slipping past the bars of his cell. "I truly do not have any memories of killing people, but that is not a solid defense against the evidence that I am indeed Kira. So I think, Ryuzaki, that even if you don't have any memories of being Kira either, you cannot deny that, at this point, you're just as likely to be Kira as I am."

He exhaled, closing his eyes. "But either way, we have no idea how Kira kills people." _It shouldn't be possible to kill people from a distance with just a face and name. It shouldn't be possible to make people have heart attacks. It shouldn't be possible to control their actions. What is the 'Shinigami' power? Gods of Death… could they really be…? "_ I'd ask if you've made any progress getting information out of Misa, but I doubt you'd tell me either way."

His shoulders were tense and he tried to relax them, but that just made them hurt more. "If you're not Kira, Ryuzaki, then I truly apologize for any trouble I've caused you in regards to any doubts I've instilled in the other members of the Task Force." He opened his eyes, gaze raising once more to the security camera, wondering if he was just imagining that he could see it zoom in on his face. "I just want to find out the truth."

There was silence, then, and he lowered his gaze back to the ground, shoulders aching and neck stiff.

"… _So do I, Light-kun."_

 _One of us is Kira, Ryuzaki,_ Light thought, eyes tracing over the three chain-links connecting the cuffs around his ankles. _But which of us is it?_


	3. Here There Be Killers

**Here There Be Killers**

* * *

"I just want to find out the truth." Light's eyes were bright and pellucid, seeming somehow less guarded than they had been, and Ryuzaki felt no lie concealed in his words however carefully weighted and measured they still were.

There were goosebumps on the back of Ryuzaki's neck.

 _Well, Light Yagami,_ he thought, watching Light lower his gaze, looking almost exhausted. _This changes everything._

"So do I, Light-kun," he said, and released the button so the microphone connected to the speakers outside Light's cell would no longer pick up his voice.

Ryuzaki could hear Aizawa and Matsuda shifting uncomfortably behind him, their stares on the back of his neck _,_ but he elected to ignore them for the time being. He'd address that issue later. For the moment, though—

 _What you said made sense, Light Yagami. However, I have no memories of being Kira, and I cannot tell whether or not you're lying about not remembering. But if your theory has any merit, then Misa Amane would also…_

Reaching out and pressing the button to activate the speaker in Misa Amane's cell, he said, "Amane. What were you doing in Aoyama on the 22nd?"

"Huh?" she said. "Were you following me then, Stalker-san? I was looking for Kira, of course! Kira is a hero of justice who punished the burglar who killed my parents."

"She basically just admitted to being the Second Kira, didn't she?" whispered Matsuda.

"That's sure what it sounded like," was Aizawa's muttered reply.

 _If I ask her if she's the Second Kira, she'll just deny it again,_ Ryuzaki thought, rubbing his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger. _Let's try a different tactic, then._

He leaned forward, closer to the mic, hand lowering to his knee, eyes intent on the screen as he said, "But the journal that was aired on television clearly said that the appearance of death gods would be confirmed at the Tokyo Stadium."

"Well, yeah, but they canceled the game!" Misa protested. "And they said they'd be checking everyone who who drove on the roads around there!" She was practically whining. "What if Kira didn't show up?"

"Why Aoyama, then?" prodded Ryuzaki.

"Because it was also mentioned in the diary," said Misa. _"Duh._ I'd been planning on trying Shibuya, too, just in case. I just really wanted to meet Kira!" She sighed wistfully. "It's too bad I didn't find him…"

"You didn't find Kira?" inquired Ryuzaki.

"No, I didn't," Misa said, defensively, before suddenly brightening, the change evident even with the opaque visor covering half her face. "But I found Light, the love of my life, so it didn't matter anymore!" As quickly as she'd brightened, she started whining and wheedling. "Please let me go, Stalker-san! My boyfriend must be worried about me!"

 _Misa Amane is a talented actor,_ Ryuzaki thought, hands clenching slightly around his knees. _But it's unlikely that she's intelligent enough to pull off such an elaborate lie without eventually contradicting herself. If I just push a little harder…_ "What drew you to Light, Amane?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Misa asked, sounding genuinely confused, like she'd just been asked what color the sky was. "Light is Light! He's handsome and intelligent and the best person in the world!"

… _That certainly doesn't sound like a lie,_ thought Ryuzaki, eyes widening slightly at the passion in her voice. _Does Light Yagami realize just how devoted you are to him, I wonder? But that's a question for another time…. Your devotion to Light is truly suspicious, Amane._ "You couldn't have known that he was intelligent when you saw him in Aoyama, given that you didn't even speak with him."

"Of course I could tell!" exclaimed Misa. "I could tell from his looks!"

 _...That's almost too idiotic to be believable. Are you really that much of an idiot, Misa Amane, or are you clever enough to know that advantage the comes with playing the fool?_ "You can't tell someone's intelligence from their looks, Amane."

"Yes I can!" said Misa, sounding offended. A moment later she was wheedling again: "Why don't you let me see your face, Stalker-saaaan?"

 _So you can kill me, Misa Amane?_

"I want to see if the person who kidnapped me is at least a little bit cute!" Misa practically sing-songed. "Are you cute, Stalker-san? There's no need to be shy! You've been staring at me this long, after all…"

 _Misa Amane… you make no sense… but the Second Kira didn't make any sense, either._ "Stay to the point, Amane. Why Light?"

"Don't you believe in love at first sight, Stalker-san?" Misa said. "I mean, you've been stalking me… are you in love with me, Stalker-san? Is that why you're asking about my boyfriend? Because you're jealous?" Her tone was practically taunting. "Well I'll have you know that Light is better than you in every way!"

Ryuzaki just stared at her for a moment. _How stupid are you really, Amane? If I were actually your stalker, I would probably have killed you by now…_ "If you fell in love with him at first sight then why didn't you talk to him then?"

"He was walking around with several of his friends, and I wanted to be alone with him!" Misa was whining again. "Teenage boys are real jerks, you know! Except for Light, of course. But they would totally have ruined the romantic mood!"

"If you didn't converse with Light in Aoyama then how did you know his name?" Ryuzaki prodded. _You're being oddly frank about your responses, Misa Amane. Whether you believe I'm truly a stalker or know that I'm trying to figure out if you're the Second Kira, your new willingness to respond makes no sense either way. Do you not even have enough sense to be suspicious about why I'm asking?_

"I heard one of them call him by name, duh," Misa said. "It took me a little while to find him on the internet and find out where he lived, though, since I wasn't sure how it was spelled, so I had to keep guessing… I'm so lucky it's such a unique name!"

"That's… kinda creepy…" murmured Matsuda.

"It's really ironic that she keeps insisting you're a stalker, when she was stalking Light," agreed Aizawa, sounding like he was speaking through clenched teeth. "It's obvious that she's the Second Kira, and that Light is therefore Kira."

 _You say that, Aizawa, but you don't sound very sure of yourself,_ Ryuzaki noted, but kept his gaze on Misa. Not that her body language gave away many clues, as restrained as she was.

"Do you think that Light is Kira, Amane?" he asked.

"Is Light Kira?" Misa asked, sounding like she'd never considered the idea. She brightened. "That would be amazing if that were true! He would be my Knight, and would definitely kill you for kidnapping me like this! Kidnapping people makes you a criminal, you know!"

 _Misa Amane… when you were first detained, you refused to speak, and everything about your demeanor suggested you were guilty. But you were smart enough not to let out any information that would further condemn you or Light. Now, though, you say all this information openly, and seem to have no awareness of how incriminating it is. What changed…? You asked us to kill you…_ "Did you ever ask Light if he was Kira?"

"What are you suggesting, Stalker-san?" said Misa, shaking her head. "After finding Light I didn't care about meeting Kira anymore. Light is the only person I'll ever need! I'd never cheat on him! Not even with Kira!" She paused. "Although if Light were Kira, that wouldn't really be cheating…"

 _No,_ Ryuzaki thought. _No matter how much of an idiot you are, Misa Amane, if you knew that Light was Kira you would never say that. Even if you were intelligent enough to pull of reverse psychology, which is highly unlikely, you love Light too much—you would never risk it._

"When you planned on meeting Kira, Amane," he said, "you knew that Kira was going to be meeting the Second Kira. What did you plan to do in that instance? What are your feelings regarding the Second Kira?"

"The Second Kira?" Misa asked, pausing. "They're obviously also an admirer of Kira, so I guess I'd be friends with them." As a thought seemed to strike her, she quickly added, "They can have Kira, though! I wouldn't be jealous or anything! I already have Light, after all, and Light is the best! Even better than Kira!" Back to the wheedling tone. "Please, Stalker-san, you have to let me go so I can see him! If you let me go I won't even press charges or anything…! But maybe you could stop stalking me? I'm already taken. But I'll give you that kiss on the cheek, okay?"

Ryuzaki released the button for the microphone, shifting his weight back more over the chair, thumb rubbing over his lip as he stared at Misa for another moment, before turning his eyes to Light sitting slumped on the floor of his cell, then back to Misa, who was still wheedling.

 _I don't understand what's going on,_ he thought. _Both Misa Amane and Light Yagami were quiet and barely spoke at first, but now they're both loquacious and open about giving information that they were tight-lipped about before. And Misa Amane seems to have completely forgotten that she was arrested for being the Second Kira, and does not seem to be the least bit afraid that she or Light would, or could, be condemned as murderers. How she can possibly believe I'm a stalker, though, when I keep asking about Kira is utterly beyond me…_

 _It seems that both of them truly have no memories of being Kira. At this point it seems highly unlikely that they were controlled, though. If they were controlled, they'd have blanks in their memories that they wouldn't be able to account for, but all their actions seem to be justified._

 _No, it doesn't make any sense to believe that Kira and the Second Kira were unaware of their actions or that there was someone else pulling the strings. That would be troubling indeed, to think there was someone out there capable of that. Not even_ I _would capable of it._

 _Somehow their memories were changed, then? That would account for the change in behavior. By someone else, or did they chose it? But like Light pointed out, if their memories could change like that, the same could have happened to me. I can't know for sure that I'm not Kira, either. I could indeed have framed Light for it; it seems like something I would do, if I were Kira._

 _Misa Amane was definitely the Second Kira. It's safe to say that Misa Amane's memories probably changed, with how drastic her change in behavior was, and all her memories are things that the Second Kira would do, even if she seems to have other reasons for the actions. Memory is quite malleable, after all, and if it's somehow possible to kill anyone with a heart attack and someone's actions controlled then it doesn't seem too far fetched that memories could be modified, and knowledge of being Kira completely erased with other justifications for the actions added in. And if that's the case, then my memories aren't safe, either, no matter how much they make sense to me and seem to prove that I'm not Kira. Light must be in much the same situation._

 _It's evident now that Light isn't lying when he says that he has no memories of being Kira, but it's difficult to say whether or not his memories changed at some point. He did start talking more and accuse me of being Kira, but he could have simply had a moment where his thoughts finally came together. If his memories did change, there would be no way for him to tell._

 _And unlike with Amane, there's nothing to suggest that his memory changed from what it was previously. The only possibly incriminating thing is that he kept Misa a secret after she confronted him, which he would have done if he were Kira and trying to keep them both from getting caught—but hiding that in order to try to figure out the case of the Second Kira first and one-up me seems like something he would indeed do._

 _In fact, it almost makes more sense if he weren't Kira, since if he were Kira he very well might have turned her in to help remove the suspicion from himself. It seems unlikely, if he were Kira, that he would have put up with her and tried to work with her, given how inane she is. If he were Kira he would have known that she would get him caught eventually, and would want to remove her from himself as soon as possible. He would not have humored her by pretending to be her boyfriend._

 _Unless he was forced to? The Second Kira could kill just by seeing a face, after all. She could have threatened to kill him if he didn't. But she is obviously enamored with him—it doesn't make any sense that she would threaten to kill him. She would, like he said, have threatened to kill any other girls he dated. Maybe she threatened his family? No; he would probably have found a way to kill her. It's highly unlikely that she would have found something to hold over him that would keep him from killing her, if he were Kira._

 _Though if he weren't Kira, and she was the Second Kira, would she really not have told him? But then again, if she found information on the internet she must have known that his father was a police chief, and she'd received the message from the police that they would be going against her. Even she doesn't seem foolish enough to believe that just because she loves Light unconditionally that he would feel the same for her, and must have guessed that if she told him she was Kira he'd turn her in or wouldn't love her._

 _More importantly, though, if Light's not Kira, that means that I—_

"Ryuzaki?" Matsuda interrupted his thoughts.

Ryuzaki blinked as the hotel room came back into focus, stripped chairs, blue walls, white trimmings, closed curtains, footage from the three cells displayed on the monitor. His thumb stopped its back and forth motion over his lip, hand lowering to his knee. "Yes, Matsui?"

"I'm sorry," Matsuda stammered from behind him.. "I just…" There was a shakiness in his voice, a hesitance born of trepidation.

 _Here it comes,_ Ryuzaki thought, hands tensing, fabric of his pants creasing beneath his fingers.

"…You're not Kira, are you?"


	4. Child's Play

**Child's Play**

* * *

"...You're not Kira, are you?" Matsuda asked, voice quavering.

 _("How do you think it feels to be accused of being Kira?" pariah child on the playground with the devil's eyes—)_

Ryuzaki turned his head to look at them, the déjà vu crawling over his skin.

 _(wary stares on the back of his neck like strands of spiderwebs, perpetually shadowed by whispers of "don't go near that one, he's—")_

Aizawa's eyes were narrowed, jaw tight, arms held stiffly at his sides. Matsuda's eyes were widened, wounded, glistening slightly.

 _("Get away from me! I'm not hanging out with you anymore!" aching from the fall, fingers digging into the dirt, watching the feet in their sneakers slowly back away. "My mom says that you're one that killed that cat, the one they found all mangled—")_

"I can assure you that I have no memories of being Kira," Ryuzaki said, meeting their eyes in turn, holding their gazes, trying not to think of—

 _(Have you ever wished that someone would just die?)_

"Oh," Matsuda said, chuckling uncomfortably and scratching at the back of his neck. " That's… that's good."

 _(alone on the rickety swing, splintering seat, fraying rope, tree branch creaking ominously—)_

"But Light claims not to have any memories of being Kira, either," Aizawa pointed out, eyes still narrowed, jaw still tight.

 _(splinters in your feet and rope burns on your palms but it was better than having to listen to the yelling—)_

"That's true," Ryuzaki agreed, and stretched out to grab the cup of coffee that had been left on the table before curling back up again, the mug's handle held carefully between two fingers.

 _(sundown, long shadows and you left the rope oscillating behind you like the pendulum of a grandfather clock with the weight set up wrong, ticking away imperfect seconds—)_

"Unfortunately, I have no proof that I was not, at some point, Kira." He took a sip of the drink. It was bitter, and cold.

 _("I wouldn't use that swing, if I were you. It's not safe any more—")_

"I understand if that makes you suspicious of me." He reached out for the sugar bowl, grabbing a few of the white cubes and dropping them into the drink, unheedful of the small splashes. "There were no flaws in Light's logic."

 _(they fell over themselves to get away, scraping their knees on the cement, hopscotch chalk on their palms and tears on their faces. "He looked like he was going to kill me—")_

"Uh, well, we're not really _suspicious_ of you, per say…" stammered Matsuda, glancing at Aizawa uncertainly. "Are we?"

 _(the rope snapped on the next child who used that swing, the air rent by sirens, red and blue lights flashing over the playground and the boy sitting on the cold metal slide pulling splinters from his feet with his fingernails—)_

Ryuzaki stirred his coffee with the spoon that had been set carefully on a napkin, the metal clinking against the edges of the mug as he stirred, handle of the spoon held between his thumb and forefinger.

 _("Cursed child," they whispered. "He's the one who made the swing break. Did you hear what he apparently said? And just look at that wild hair, those soulless eyes—")_

"I can't say that I truly trust you at this point," Aizawa said stiffly. He glanced at the monitor, the black-clothed figure folded on the floor of the gray cell. "But I trust Light even less. He's still more suspicious than you are."

 _(slow walk home to a house with dark windows, door ajar, dark blood creeping over the floor—)_

Ryuzaki took another sip of his coffee. It wasn't sweet. The sugar cubes were still lying at the bottom of the cold liquid, barely dissolved.

"However—" Aizawa said.

Ryuzaki reached for the bowl of sugar cubes again. "I should be put under 24 hour surveillance as well, yes?"

 _(warm, sticky liquid between your toes, cold hands too steady around the telephone, words like frost brushed from winter windows. "Is this the police? I think my parents are dead—")_

He could practically hear Aizawa stand up straighter.

"It's only right," Aizawa said stiffly.

 _(grandfather clock striking twelve midnight, echoing bells, red and blue lights flashing over the porch with its trail of dark footprints, over the boy sitting there with blood drying on the soles of his feet—)_

"Indeed," Ryuzaki agreed, stirring the sugar cubes around in his coffee. They clinked against the ceramic.

 _(cold metal seat, bare feet and swinging legs, closed room with a one-way mirror—)_

He let the spoon still, stared down at the surface of the dark liquid, watching the swirling slow and his reflection materialize to look back at him. "I don't fancy the idea of being detained in a cell, though."

 _(light trickling like blood from the crack under the door, voices just barely audible—)_

Aizawa sighed, and Ryuzaki could practically hear him trying to rub the tension from between his eyebrows. "We're not _that_ suspicious of you. Bugging this hotel room should be fine; you don't seem to ever leave, anyway."

 _("What are you doing taking in that child, Wammy—?")_

"Very well then," Ryuzaki said, looking up at the ceiling. "You should set that up with Watari; it would not make sense for me to be in charge of that when I'm the one under suspicion."

 _("He's an orphan. I run an orphanage—")_

"I understand," said Aizawa, and Ryuzaki took a sip of his sweetened coffee.

 _("He's the prime suspect of his parents' murder! They say he's insane—")_

"Watari," said Ryuzaki, "could you return as soon as you are able? There's been a new development. And please view the footage from Light's cell, from 07:13:46 to 07:14:08."

 _("I don't believe that child killed his parents, and neither should you—)_

" _Yes, Ryuzaki,"_ came Watari's voice over the speaker. _"I'm on my way."_

 _("You can't believe everything you hear, you know—")_

"Where does he go…?" Ryuzaki heard Matsuda mumble.

 _(light spilling across the floor, looking up into a small crowd of dark-clothed figures lingering in the open door like thunderheads on the horizon—)_

"Out to buy desserts, I believe," Ryuzaki said, carefully removing the spoon from his coffee and laying it down on a napkin on the table. "They certainly don't procure themselves."

 _("I didn't kill my parents." inadequately equipped with only that small shred of truth, not enough—)_

"Oh," Matsuda said, chuckling nervously. "Right. Of course."

 _(a large, warm hand covering his own, softspoken words. "I believe you, L—")_

There was silence, then. Ryuzaki took another sip of his cold coffee. It was still bitter. He carefully picked up the spoon again, using it to lift one of the soggy sugar cubes from the bottom of the mug, dark beads of coffee dripping from the curved metal surface. Ryuzaki waited for the drips to stop, then moved the spoon to his mouth.

 _(photos, police reports, witness testimonies, coming together like jigsaw pieces beneath your fingers, nails bitten down, no longer needed to remove splinters—)_

Ryuzaki let the coffee-flavored sugar dissolve in his mouth, rolling it around with his tongue. It dissipated completely, syrupy down his throat, and Ryuzaki used the spoon to lift out another, letting that one melt on his tongue as well. The another. Another.

 _(the maddening hours spent submerged in darkness, the regular chiming of church bells—)_

After a few minutes of coffee-saturated, sugar-coated silence there was a cracking sound from behind him. Then another. Another.

 _(the clandestine excursions to the kitchens when the hunger pangs became too much of a distraction, bananas snatched from the fruit basket, truffles pilfered from their cupboards—)_

There were only three more sugar cubes left in the bowl. Ryuzaki picked one up between his thumb and forefinger, turning around in the seat just as there was another _crack._

 _(the moment when the picture came together, the glow of satisfaction, the warm rush of pride—)_

"I'll give you this sugar cube if you stop cracking your knuckles, Matsuda," Ryuzaki said, holding out the small white cube, meeting Matsuda's betrayed eyes.

 _(the realization that you'd never before had so much fun, that you couldn't help but feel grateful they had died—)_

"…Matsuda?" Matsuda asked weakly.

"The purpose of the false names was to protect against being killed by Kira," Ryuzaki explained. "However, given that Kira is either Light or myself, and we both know all your names, there is no longer any point to using the false ones."

 _(pariah child in the hallways with the devil's eyes, perpetually shadowed by whispers of "he's scary" and "he's the kid that apparently solved that murder case, the one that even the private investigators couldn't figure out—")_

"What are you suggesting, Ryuzaki?" demanded Aizawa, voice too loud in the quiet room.

 _("What you have is a gift, L—)_

"If Kira wants to kill you," Ryuzaki said, still holding out the sugar cube, sweetness and caffeine still lingering on his tongue, "then I'm afraid that you're quite dead. No fake name will save you."

 _("It would be a waste not to—")_

Aizawa's eyes widened for a moment before he narrowed them again, muscles in his temples tensing visibly as he clenched his jaw, hands fisting at his sides, shoulders straightening. His expression was that of a soldier gearing up for battle that he knew would be unpleasant, but could not be avoided.

 _("Okay." it was not something you had to think about, whether to live your life suspended from a fraying rope in the lengthening sunlight, splinters in your feet, or crouched on the dark with puzzles at your fingertips—)_

"Ah… right…" Matusda gave a nervous chuckle, scratching at his cheek, even as he took a step back. His eyes were those of someone who had just realized that they would very likely die. "Of course…"

 _(photos of corpses, photos of corpses; mangled, drowned, dismembered, crushed, burned, mutilated, hung, shot, stabbed, stripped, strangled, beaten, bludgeoned, impaled, twisted, bloodied, broken—)_

Ryuzaki unfolded from his chair, stepped over the arm towards them. Matsuda flinched away.

 _(horrible, grotesque puzzles at your fingertips, spread out over the game board, and soon enough you had command of the pieces—)_

"Here," Ryuzaki said, holding out the sugar cube.

 _("Is there anything I can do to help you, L—?")_

Matsuda's mouth opened, closed, and hesitantly he took a step forwards, holding out his hand.

 _(lengthening list of names, faces, human beings with friends and lovers and families, people who would never see them again—)_

The sugar cube was dropped into his palm, tumbling over its edges, and he was forced to curl his fingers around it lest it fall to the floor.

 _("You could bring me a piece of cake." acrid taste in your mouth, vomit washed down the sink, but your lips were pushed upwards by your thumb and stayed there when your hand moved to set the next piece—)_

"Thanks…" Matsuda said, uncertain, glancing down at the white cube showing through his fingers then back up at Ryuzaki's face.

 _(murderers on the stands with a sick, twisted grins, eyes full of jealousy, greed, hatred—)_

"If it's any consolation," said Ryuzaki, stepping back onto the seat cushion and folding back up again, slow-motion footage of a cat leaping played backwards, "neither Light nor I are Kira at this moment. It is simply that one of us was Kira up until a week ago."

 _("Good job, L—")_

"And there's no chance that Kira is not either of you?" Matsuda asked, looking at him with a pained expression, hand still closed around the cube of sugar.

 _(empty weeks, days spent watching the rain run in silver rivulets down the windows, hours listening to the bells tolling behind the pattering of raindrops on the roof, pieces of cake gone stale on the table—)_

Ryuzaki looked up at the ceiling. "I would say there is a 0.01 percent chance."

 _(the rope hung from the tree, whipped by the wind, and with each moment it looked more and more—)_

"That low…" came Matsuda's voice, weakly.

 _(Have you ever wished that someone would just die?)_

"Yes," said Ryuzaki, and turned his head, meeting their eyes. His hands, which had been clenched around his knees, relaxed slightly, and his voice softened. "There is a 99.99 percent chance that either Light or I was Kira."

 _(—the hallways were shrouded in darkness, bare feet silent on the hardwood floor, and the shadows no longer followed him.)_

* * *

Matsuda felt his heart sink, gut twisting, and his gaze dropped to the sugar cube in his palm, seeming almost to glow in the dim room. He felt sick.

He was in the same room as mass murderer, or had been in the same room as mass murderer, and both of them had smiled kindly at him and spoken passionately of justice.

"I'd eat the sugar cube, if I were you," came Ryuzaki's voice, and, startled, Matsuda looked back up at him.

Ryuzaki was facing away from them, holding up the metal spoon with its malformed lump of coffee-saturated sugar. "It'll help."

The spoon disappeared into Ryuzaki's mouth, slipped out from between closed lips and dipped back into the coffee mug, fishing out another soggy lump that quickly joined the first, the man's dark eyes staying fixed to the monitor the entire time, watching Light's slumped figure do nothing but breathe.

Matsuda looked down at the cube in his hand, nauseated, and wondered how sugar was supposed to help anything.

* * *

 **Author Notes**

* * *

If Ryuzaki's memories were disorienting, distracting, and/or confusing - good. They were supposed to be.


	5. Running in Ellipses

**Running in Ellipses**

* * *

The sugar had left a bitter taste in Matsuda's mouth by the time Watari entered the hotel room, hat still on his head and black umbrella dripping water to the floor.

"Watari," Ryuzaki greeted, glancing at him. "Did you watch the footage?"

"Yes," Watari answered, and finally removed the hat from his head. "It was quite troubling."

 _He and Ryuzaki seem close, like he's kind of a father figure to Ryuzaki…_ Matsuda thought. _I guess he probably feels about as upset about Ryuzaki being accused of being Kira as the Chief feels about Light…_

He looked at Watari, who was standing with his hat held before his chest, umbrella still dripping on the floor, but face with the same inscrutable, neutral expression as always.

 _It's a lot harder to tell with Watari, though…_

"We'll need to install cameras in this hotel room," said Ryuzaki, stirring his spoon around the coffee he was holding without actually drinking any of it, just as he'd been doing for the last several minutes. "I think it's safe to say, however, that Kira does not use verbal cues to kill anyone, so wieretaps should not be needed. Indeed, if we used wiretaps, it could endanger the investigation. We still don't want to risk any information possibly getting to the outside." He held the spoon still, and then started stirring in the opposite direction. "And I should not be allowed access to any news reports. You will all have to manage that for me."

Watari finally moved, hanging his hat on the stand by the door, resting his umbrella in the umbrella holder. "I see."

"Look," Matsuda started, gut twisting as he glanced between Watari by the door, Ryuzaki crouched in the armchair, the monitor showing Light curled up in his cell. "I don't… I mean… what Light said—"

"You don't have to feel guilty about being suspicious of me," said Ryuzaki, lifting the spoon out of the coffee, watching the dark liquid drip from the curved metal surface. "Light was right when he said that I have nobody who could vouch for my character."

"I can vouch for you, Ryuzaki," said Watari, walking back over to them.

"Thank you, Watari," Ryuzaki said, lowering the spoon back into the drink. "However, your solitary testimony wouldn't be particularly convincing."

Watari's facial expression didn't change, but Matsuda still go the feeling that he was displeased. "I suppose not."

Ryuzaki glanced back up at the screen. "Both Light and I have the potential to be Kira," he said, lifting the spoon to his mouth, speaking around the metal, "but neither of us have the memories."

"He could be lying," Watari suggested.

Ryuzaki glanced at him. "So could I." He pulled the spoon from his mouth, going back to stirring the coffee that had probably long gone cold. "If I had gained the power to kill people, I would not have told you."

"It's not like you to doubt yourself like this, Ryuzaki," said Watari, but despite the implication of his words, his tone remained even and formal. "It's probably what Kira wants."

 _He's like the exact opposite of the Chief…_ Matsuda thought.

"There's a problem with that assumption," Ryuzaki said, spooning a small amount of coffee into his mouth.

"And what's that?" Aizawa was the one who asked, with a slight aggressiveness that made Matsuda flinch slightly.

 _So much tension in this room….!_

"The constriction goes both ways," Ryuzaki explained, intently swirling the spoon around the coffee in the mug. "If I were Kira, it would be disadvantageous for me to kill Light since all the suspicion would then fall onto me, but so too, if Light were Kira, would it be disadvantageous for him to suggest that I could be Kira for the same reason. Because now, if I die, Light is undoubtably Kira. Therefore, if Light were Kira at this point in time, he would not have put himself in a position in which it's impossible to kill me." He lifted the spoon a good several inches out of the mug and watched the coffee drip. "Kira would want me dead."

Another spoonful of coffee made its way to Ryuzaki's mouth, and the room was so quiet that Matsuda could hear the click of the metal spoon against Ryuzaki's teeth. Even the rain that had been pattering on the window pane had fallen silent.

 _He doesn't seem like a murderer,_ Matsuda thought, watching the way Ryuzaki seemed to curl further in on himself. So many of his actions reminiscent of those of a child. _How old is Ryuzaki, anyway…?_ Matsuda shook himself. _But then, Light doesn't seem like a murderer, either… why would a studious student like Light Yagami, with a kind family and a privileged life, decide to start killing people? Even if he believes that some bad people should die, why would he throw away his life like that? It doesn't make any sense!_

"If Light were Kira at this moment," Ryuzaki continued once the spoon had returned to stirring the contents of the mug, "he would have used the alibi that he was Kira but was not conscious of his actions. Thus Light cannot, at least at this moment, be Kira." The metal spoon was back between Ryuzaki's teeth, his words mumbled around it. "I don't currently have such an alibi, and thus my insisting that I have no memories of being Kira is currently much less believable."

Ryuzaki glanced over at them as he pulled the spoon back out from between his lips. "I can't blame you for being suspicious of me."

 _It's true that Ryuzaki has more reason to kill criminals…._ Matsuda thought, looking at Ryuzaki crouched there on the chair with a coffee mug held between thumb and forefinger of his left hand, spoon held between thumb and forefinger of his right, watching them with eyes that always looked completely dilated. _But still, he… he just doesn't seem like the kind of person who would… but Light doesn't seem like the kind of person who would.… Aaaahhh!_ Matsuda tried to shake the thoughts from his head, fingers curled in his hair and tugging. _Why is this all happening?!_

"What do you plan on doing now, then?" demanded Aizawa, nearly making Matsuda jump.

Matsuda quickly dropped his hands back to his sides. _Haha… got distracted by my thoughts again… I should pay more attention to what's going on…._

"There's nothing to do but wait and see whether or not the killings start up again," Ryuzaki said. "Though at this point it's highly unlikely that they will." He was holding the spoon carefully in front of his face, and Matsuda tried to keep his mind clear by focusing on the gleaming metal.

The spoon was good—the spoon was neutral. Neither accused of being Kira nor accusing anybody of it, a lone point of nonbiased fact amid a chaotic whirl of deadly speculations. The spoon was exactly what it appeared to be: a spoon. And everyone could agree on that. Matsuda could look at the spoon without having to doubt that it was a spoon, or think about whether or not it seemed like a good spoon or an evil spoon, or think about what the existence of the spoon might mean for the case.

"Given that Misa was the Second Kira and either Light or I was the first, and none of us have the memories, it wouldn't make sense to think that our memories would suddenly return and we'd start killing again," Ryuzaki was saying. "And even if the memories somehow did return, none of us are in a position to carry out more killings."

"But if the murders do start up again?" asked Aizawa.

"It would put me under immediate suspicion, even with the cameras installed in this room," said Ryuzaki, "since between me and Light at this time I'm the only one with access to outside information. If it's plausible that Light could have continued to be Kira under such monitored conditions, then we have to extend the same suspicion to me." The spoon dipped back into the coffee, before coming up to hover again in the air, concave surface brimming with dark liquid that threatened to spill over the edges. "In a way it's actually somewhat pointless to place cameras here, because if I were Kira I would not give myself away"

 _So we can put cameras in this room, and even if they show Ryuzaki doing nothing suspicious, it still doesn't prove anything? Then how will we know if…?_

Matsuda shook his head. _Focus, Touta! The spoon! Focus on the spoon!_

The spoon was traveling to Ryuzaki's mouth, made it there without spilling a drop, and then went back to stirring the contents of the mug.

"So if the killings do start up again, I will have to be detained in a cell as well," Ryuzaki was saying.

 _Light detained… the Chief detained… and now possibly Ryuzaki detained, too? Aaaahhh! Why don't we just detain all of us and get it over with?!_

 _No, calm down, Touta. Remember—the spoon!_

The spoon stopped stirring, but the dark liquid kept swirling around it.

"And we'll then have to see if the killings continue after that," Ryuzaki was saying. "If they don't, then I am probably Kira."

 _Ryuzaki… but if you're admitting that you're might be Kira, does that mean you're not Kira? But wait, no—Light was admitting that he might be Kira, too…_

 _Stop thinking, Touta! You'll just make it worse!_

— _The spoon!_

Another spoonful of coffee was lifted out of the mug, the room's dim lighting catching on the subtle trembles of the liquid's surface.

"Though it's hard to believe that I would do such a thing if I were Kira," Ryuzaki was saying. "I wouldn't do anything that would cause me to convicted like that, after all." The coffee disappeared into Ryuzaki's mouth, and the spoon once again hovered in the air.

"So if the killings continue even when you're detained?" said Aizawa.

Matusda's heart was beating too fast, the panic making him tremble. _I'm too old to hide behind the couch anymore…_

 _No, you're not a kid anymore. No hiding, Touta. Even if this is all terrifying…_

 _Just focus on the spoon._

The spoon was nice, and normal. Even hovering in the hair held strangely between two pale fingers, the spoon itself was normal, and grounded in reality, not like murderers who could kill people with heart attacks from a distance and suspects who could smile at you one moment and then kill someone the next.

The spoon was normal. There were still normal, not-terrifying, not-confusing things in life.

"We don't know how either of the kiras got their power," Ryuzaki was saying, while the spoon started stirring the coffee again. "So it's possible that others could turn up with the 'Shinigami' power as well."

 _Wait, there could be even MORE Kiras out there?!_

Matsuda tried to shake the thought from his head. _No, don't think about that! Think of the spoon! That's it!_

The spoon lifted from the mug, dripping coffee, dark beads sliding over the silver surface.

"And if someone does, and we catch them," Ryuzaki was saying, "then we should be able to figure out that mystery, at least."

 _...Is that all you care about, Ryuzaki?_

It was so quiet that Matsuda swore he could hear the soft _splish_ of each drip landing back in the rest of the coffee. The spoon hovered there. The silence was oppressing.

 _The spoon is normal,_ Matsuda thought desperately. _The spoon is normal. The spoon is normal._

"And if the killings don't start up again at all?" said Aizawa.

 _The spoon is normal,_ Matsuda thought desperately.

"Then I doubt whether it's even possible to figure out which of us is the real Kira," said Ryuzaki. "And it might not even matter. Kira might be able to get away scot-free simply by ceasing to exist."

The spoon was placed into the coffee mug, the coffee mug placed on the table, Ryuzaki's hands resting on his knees. His bangs obscured his face and his voice was low. "This case has been reduced to a waiting game. And if nothing happens, it might be rendered unsolvable."

The spoon lay still in the coffee mug, completely normal. Normal in a way that nothing about the case was.

"At that point," said Ryuzaki, lowly, almost darkly, "it's either execute both of us, or execute neither of us. And in regards to that decision, I'm obviously going to be biased. I don't want to die."

 _I don't want to die, either…_ Matsuda thought, feeling slightly sick. _I don't think anyone wants to die…_

Nothing about the Kira Case was normal.

"Is it right, to execute someone for something they don't remember doing?" ventured Matsuda hesitantly. "I mean…"

Nothing about the Kira Case was normal.

"Yes,," Aizawa stated firmly. "It's possibly they might kill someone again, after all!"

"But what if it's not possible for them to do so?" Matusda asked, turning to look at him, one ache in his head and another in his chest. _I'm just a normal guy,_ Matsuda thought, _so maybe that's why I don't understand any of this… but still,_ "If they don't remember doing it, and they won't ever be doing it again… was it really them who carried out the murders, then? Is it… is it fair to punish them for that?"

The spoon in the mug on the table was normal, but nothing about the case was.

"Yes," Aizawa said, firmly. "They killed people. They need to be brought to justice."

There was one ache in Matsuda's head, and another in his chest.

"But…" he said lamely, trying to articulate his thoughts into words. This wasn't like determining that a utensil was a spoon and then sticking it in the spoons drawer. No… this wasn't that simple, right?

"I just…" Matsuda struggled forward, forcing pieces of thoughts out his mouth and hoping they'd somehow miraculously come together. "What's the point? If Misa is the Second Kira, and either Light or Ryuzaki is Kira… I mean… it's not like we could even tell the public that, right? So I just mean…"

Aizawa was glaring at him like he was some kind of idiot. It was an expression that Matsuda was used to seeing, so maybe that was why he was finally able to blurt out: "Who would the justice be _for?"_

Aizawa looked livid, and Matsuda shrank away, preparing to be yelled at, bracing himself for it.

 _No harm in asking..._ he reassured himself, desperately trying to convince himself that he really was succeeding in ignoring the sinking feeling in his gut. _They all think I'm an idiot, anyway…_

"Well, we don't have to worry about that quite yet," said Ryuzaki, causing them both to turn to look at him.

 _Yelling averted,_ Matsuda thought, breathing a sigh of relief and straightening. _Thanks, Ryuzaki!_

 _But wait… you might be a mass murderer… aaahhhh! This isn't fair!_

Ryuzaki was looking at the monitor, a thumb at his lips. "I am worried about Yagami-san at present, though.

Matsuda blinked. _The Chief…_ He moved his gaze to Soichiro Yagami's cell, the man slumped in the foldable chair, several days of beard growth unshaven on his face and puffy bags forming beneath his eyes.

Matsuda said felt a pang in his chest; it was almost enough to make him forget about the ache in his head.

"He doesn't seem to be doing very well," Ryuzaki observed. "On the one hand, hearing that the suspicion regarding his son has lessened might ease his state of mind. But on the other hand, hearing that I'm the other suspect might make it worse. I would not want to possibly cause him another heart attack by increasing his stress, especially when this is currently merely speculation, both because he could die and because it would further incriminate me. However, I did promise to keep him informed on the case."

Matsuda rubbed at his temple. _Oh right… there's the headache again…_ He was starting to feel nauseated.

Ryuzaki continued, "Since you both know Yagami-san better than I do, and that I'm currently suspected of being Kira, I will defer this decision to you."

"I…" Matsuda started, but his tongue had started moving without the authorization of his thoughts, which were in chaos, and was left hanging.

"As you said, Ryuzaki," Aizawa spoke up, much to Matsuda's gratitude, "there's no need to really suspect you unless the killings start up again. Unless that happens, there's no need to inform the Chief that you might be Kira."

"But, ah," Matsuda said, glancing again at the Chief's slumped form, "maybe we should let him know that Ryuzaki has determined that Light has absolutely no memories of being Kira?"

Aizawa looked at him with glaring eyes, jaw set and brows drawn together. "He already knew that Light claimed to have no memories."

 _No, Aizawa isn't mad at me…_ Matsuda reassured himself. _That's just the normal way his face looks._

"Yeah, but he knew Ryuzaki thought that Light was lying," Matusda said. "Even I could tell that." He paused, glancing again at the Chief, the stress-exhaustion evident in every line of his body. "We could simply let him know that even if the killings don't start up again, we won't be able to execute Light, right?"

Aizawa was rubbing the bridge of his nose between his eyebrows, eyes clenched shut. "A life sentence, then?"

"It would be a shame, to lock away a mind like that," Watari spoke up. "He has great potential."

Matsuda practically whirled around, looking at the old man with wide eyes. _Oh, man, I forgot Watari was here…! I got so distracted… and he's so quiet… kind of like Mogi…. Wait, is Mogi here?! Has he been here this entire time, and I just didn't notice him?!_

Matsuda glanced around the room, but Mogi did not appear to be there.

 _I guess we'll have to tell him about all this, then…_

"But what would become of Light, if he doesn't get executed and doesn't receive a life sentence?" Aizawa was asking. "If he was Kira at one point, even if he doesn't remember it, can we really let him back into society?" He looked over at Ryuzaki, crouched in the arm chair with hands around his ankles and wild dark hair hiding his face. "And can we really let _you_ go, Ryuzaki?"

"But we can't just have the greatest detective in the world executed if there's a chance he might not actually be Kira, either," Matsuda pointed out, feeling sick.

 _Even if one of them is Kira… a mass murderer… we can't just punish the one who's innocent, too, just because we don't know which one's which. That's not right! That's not… That's not justice…_

 _That's not justice, right?_

Ryuzaki was looking down, his voice low. "I suppose… if the killings don't start up again…" He looked up at the ceiling, then, raising a thumb to his lips. "Then I give Light a job."

 _...Um. What?_ Matsuda thought.

"…Um. What?" Matsuda said.

"A _job?"_ Aizawa asked, ire raising his voice. "A job doing _what?!"_

Ryuzaki looked over at them with wide, dark eyes. "As being L."

" _What?"_ Matsuda found himself asking at the exact same time as Aizawa.

 _Jinx!_ he didn't say out loud, and immediately felt stupid for having even thought.

"It's simple," Ryuzaki said, thumb resting at the corner of his mouth, dark eyes looking completely dilated in the gloom. "Either Light or I was Kira. If one of us was Kira, that means that the other wasn't Kira. Thus, if we are both L, then we can both keep an eye on each other, and if one of us becomes Kira again then the other will stop them."

Ryuzaki's gaze shifted back to the ceiling, and Matsuda nearly breathed a sigh of relief that he was no longer a subject of that uncanny stare.

"Additionally," Ryuzaki said, "working with Light on future cases would be greatly beneficial. His deductive abilities are truly incredible. He'd be quite capable of being L on his own. In fact…" he looked over at the old man standing behind them., and Matsuda turned to glance back as well. "Watari."

"Yes?" Watari said.

 _Oops, forgot about him again…_ Matsuda realized, scratching at the back of his neck. _Heheh…_

"If we somehow discover that I was indeed Kira," Ryuzaki said, "then Light Yagami should take over the position of L."

Watari's facial expression never changed. "I understand."

Matsuda glanced back and forth between them, feeling lost.

 _Watari's taking this really calmly… so is Ryuzaki, actually… and, well, Light took being accused of Kira pretty calmly, too… if I'd been accused of being Kira, or if someone I knew really well had been accused of being Kira, I would be freaking out… how are they all so calm about everything?_

"Don't think on it too much, though," continued Ryuzaki, looking away. "It probably won't come to that." He stood up on the chair and then stepped down to the floor, hands in the pockets of his jeans as he turned and walked past them, shoulders hunched. "I'm going to the restroom. Feel free to divulge whatever information in Yagami-san that you see fit."

Matsuda watched Ryuzaki's back as the man wandered into the bedroom of the hotel suite (which was essentially unused except as a kind of large, square hallway to the restroom—even though Ryuzaki stayed at the hotel, the bed never looked slept in, and was usually covered with papers and sheets of evidence).

"Also," said, Ryuzaki, just before he disappeared past the doorframe, "someone needs to inform Mogi-san at some point; that probably shouldn't be me, either."

Matsuda and Aizawa were left staring at each other, uncertain. They glanced over at the monitor, where Yagami-san was still sitting slumped in the collapsible chair, looking beyond exhausted.

There was one ache in Matsuda's chest, and another in his head.

"What do we tell the Chief…?"


	6. Illuminated Smashed Projections

**Illuminated Smashed Projections**

* * *

"What do we tell the Chief…?" Matsuda asked, and Aizawa took a deep breath through in his nose, letting it out his mouth.

 _To think we'd been on the verge of calling the case solved, of saying that the fact that the murders had stopped once Light Yagami was detained was enough evidence to conclude that he was Kira…_

Aizawa looked at Chief Yagami and felt a surge of emotion in his gut. _If my daughter were accused of being a mass murderer… which would be worse? To think that my daughter was almost definitely guilty, or to think that either my daughter was the murderer, or she'd been framed by the very detective who had earned my trust? To think that I'd worked with a trusted a murderer who was using my daughter as a scapegoat… or that I'd raised a murderer… and there's no hard evidence against either… that doubt…_

Aizawa felt ill. _That's not a situation I'd want to be in.  
_

"I don't think we should tell him anything right now.," Aizawa said firmly, making his decision. "There's nothing to tell, after all; nothing has happened. Light and Ryuzaki are just throwing theories around. There's no need to stress him out over that. And Ryuzaki's right: all we can do right now is wait and see whether or not the killings start up again. If they do start up again, we'll think about what to tell the Chief then."

"Yeah… you're right…" Matsuda said, uncertainly, far too much resembling a lost dog that couldn't find its owners. Maybe a cocker spaniel. He shook his head, then, like a dog shaking off water, and—yeah, definitely a cocker spaniel. "Ah, this makes my head hurt!" Matsuda cried, clenching in his hair. "And I don't want either of them to be Kira…"

A lost, dejected cocker spaniel. It really was annoying. _You're supposed to be a police officer, Matsuda, for goodness' sake!_

"This isn't about what we want, Matsuda," he said pointedly. "This is about discovering the truth." The anger churned in his chest, his fists clenching. "We need to do our best. For Ukita's sake. And for all of Kira's victims, and their families."

 _I will get revenge for Ukita's death. And I—_

"Yeah, I know…" Matsuda said. "Still, though… how do you feel about all this, Aizawa?" Those were definitely a dejected dog's eyes.

 _At least, unlike a dog, he's not whining…_

"How do I feel…?" Aizawa said, feeling angry— _Really, Matsuda?! You're asking something so obvious?!_ "I want Kira to be brought to justice, obviously!"

 _I will make this world a safe place for my daughter! My daughter is not going to grow up in a world terrified of and ruled by Kira!_

"I…" Matsuda said, looking far too much like a fucking cocker spaniel that had just been kicked. "I mean, yeah, of course… but…"

 _But either the Chief's son is a mass murderer, or Ryuzaki, whom we believed we could trust, is a mass murderer…_

"I…" Aizawa clenched his fists, looking away. "This is so fucked up." He noticed how tense he was and forced himself to relax, lowering his shoulders, unclenching his hands. All of a sudden he felt an overwhelming surge of exhaustion. "…I just want this case to be over with."

"Yeah," Matsuda said quietly. "Me too."

Aizawa glanced at the doorway, but it seemed that Ryuzaki hadn't returned from the bathroom yet. Watari also seemed to have left the room.

 _That's understandable. He obviously cares about Ryuzaki, after all. This can't be easy for him; I certainly wouldn't want to be present while people were discussing whether to tell someone that my daughter was suspected of being a mass murderer._

But with both Watari and Ryuzaki absent, it was just him and Matsuda standing there in the dim room watching the three unmoving detainees on the monitor.

"I wonder why, though…" said Matsuda, sounding contemplative (which was never a good sign with Matsuda—something stupid was likely to follow).

Aizawa rubbed the bridge of his nose, already anticipating the frustration. But still he asked, "Why what, Matsuda?"

"Why, when Light was accusing Ryuzaki of framing him, he completely disregarded the idea that Ryuzaki could also have framed Misa-Misa," Matsuda said, looking at him with confused cocker spaniel eyes.

"Stop calling her Misa-Misa," Aizawa gritted out. "What are you, a fan of hers?!" _Can't you take anything seriously?_

"Sorry!" Matsuda said, shrinking away slightly—his resemblance to a cocker spaniel was really annoying. "And no, I'm just saying… if it' s possible that Ryuzaki framed Light, isn't it also possible that he framed Misa-Mi-" Aizawa glared at him, and Matsuda quickly corrected: "—Amane? He'd be capable of that, right?"

"Why the hell are you asking _me?"_ Aizawa said, exasperated.

But he had to admit to himself that it was a fair point.

* * *

"Watari?" said Ryuzaki, crouched on the bed amid piles of papers.

"Yes, Ryuzaki?"

Ryuzaki peered with shadowed eyes over the tops of his knees. "Do you think, if I gained the power to kill people with a thought, that I would use it?"

Watari paused. "I think anyone who gained such a power would use it," he said finally. "Just maybe not everyone would be able to use it effectively."

"Yes," Ryuzaki agreed, hugging himself closer to his legs. "That's the difficulty, isn't it. Both I and Light Yagami have the potential to be Kira." His next words were mumbled around the thumb pressed to his lips. "It's becoming harder and harder to view this case with a rational mind…"

He looked up through wild, serrated bangs. "Light Yagami is truly incredible, though," he said, hand lowering from his mouth to close around his ankle. "Whether he's Kira and I'm the detective, or I'm Kira and he's now in the position of detective—either way, he has succeeded in confounding me."

Ryuzaki's gaze shifted to the doorjamb, the room beyond it blocked from view, voices filtering in. The monitor was in that room, too; the real-time footage of the college student bound and sitting on the floor of a cell, far too smug to be a prisoner.

"Light has succeeded in confounding me," Ryuzaki murmured, hunkering forward and resing his chin on one of his knees. "But… I'm never wrong…"

* * *

" _Light-kun, I have a question for you."_

Light looked up at the sound of the voice, eyes finding the black eye of the camera.

"What is it, Ryuzaki?" _Strange,_ Light thought. _He's never used the voice-scrambler with me before._

" _If you believe that I framed you for being Kira,"_ intoned the computer-distorted voice, _"_ _why is it you do not also suspect me of framing Misa Amane as the Second Kira?"_

Light blinked, and then tried not to smile. _Oh, I see what's going on. Very well then, I'll play along. Telling the truth here and explaining my reasoning beyond any doubt is only to my advantage, after all._

"While it's possible that you could have framed Misa Amane to make others think that there is another Kira—you certainly have the resources and intelligence to have done so—it doesn't make any sense," Light said.

"For one, there's no reason why you would have any motivation to make it seem like there was another Kira, given that nobody suspected you in the first place. It would be completely at your disadvantage to complicated matters in such a way.

"And given that the Second Kira's tapes were handmade, contained Misa's hair and fingerprints, and were sent from different cities, in order for you to have accomplished that you would have needed assistance from others. If you were Kira, _Ryuzaki_ , I believe you would keep it a complete secret from everybody, even Watari. If you'd used people to collect the DNA from Amane's room, make the tapes, and send them from different cities, you would have significantly increased the chance that the fact you were Kira—and, in that case, the Second Kira—would be discovered. You would not risk yourself like that, and you would not trust anybody that much.

"However, Kira can control people's actions before they die. You therefore could have used expendables to carry out such tasks; however, given the experiments that Kira seemed to have conducted on the prisoners in jail, and the fact that some of the prisoners in those experiments carried out certain tasks before dying while others did not, it is likely that the latter group were the failed experiments. Which means there are some things that Kira can't make people do before their deaths. If I would hazard I guess, it would be that Kira can't make people do something that they wouldn't be capable of doing anyway. As such, I find it an unreasonable notion to think that Kira could have found any individuals for whom collecting DNA samples from Misa's room would have been a plausible action for.

"Also, if you were the Second Kira, _Ryuzaki,_ you would not have asked that either L—you—or the head of the NPA appear on TV to announce their cooperation with Kira, and that you—the Second Kira—would then take their life, knowing that the nations' leaders would choose to sacrifice L—you. Why would you put yourself in a position where you would have to pretend to kill yourself on television? It would be difficult to pull off such a stunt.

"There's also the fact that the people the Second Kira killed to prove they were Kira were reported on only in weekly women's magazines and chat shows. When would you have had time to read women's magazines and watch chat shows without anyone possibly finding out? And moreover, why would you put yourself through such suffering?"

Light snorted slightly at the idea of Ryuzaki reading and watching such inane materials, before continuing.

"Additionally, the original Kira needed a name and a face to kill, while the second Kira only needed a face. Since you knew the name of the police officer who went to Sakura TV to try to stop the process, it's possible that you could have killed him, and then used the idea that the Second Kira only needs a face to explain why he died when there was no way that someone outside of the Task Force could have known his name, thus keeping suspicion off of you. However, it does not seem reasonable that you would make such a claim if it would be impossible for you to back it up in the future, since you couldn't possibly know the names of everyone your 'Second Kira' might need to kill at some point.

"There's also the possibility that, if you're Kira, you only ever needed a face all along, and were simply pretending to need a name and a face to lead the investigation off. However, if that were the case, then the criminals names who were broadcast incorrectly, and were thus spared, would still have died, since if you only needed a face then you couldn't have known that their names had been broadcast incorrectly.

"Also, there's the fact that the Second Kira's values are very different from your own, and the Second Kira accomplished nothing but dirtying Kira's name, which would debase your goal as Kira. And you would never lower yourself to killing the innocent, _Ryuzaki._

"Indeed, if you're Kira and wanted to make videos to threaten the populace, you would have simply acted as the same Kira from the beginning. There was absolutely no sense to you framing Misa Amane. You couldn't even have used her to further the evidence against me, she did not know about me until she saw me in Aoyama, and you could not have predicted the fact that she would fall head over heels in love with me and start stalking me everywhere. And just the fact that she was in Aoyama that day, when the journal entry said, suggests that she's Kira. You would never create such a journal entry, and if she wasn't the Second Kira and you were just framing her, she would not have gone to Aoyama—she's not that intelligent, after all, so if she wasn't the Second Kira she would have gone to the Tokyo Dome on the 30th.

"Creating a Second Kira who's intent on meeting the first? No, that's too tasteless, and the Second Kira's actions were too stupid—it's simply unthinkable that you would do something like that. You have standards, _Ryuzaki._ It's part of why you don't take just any case.

"And your frustration at how stupid the Second Kira's actions were seemed genuine. You seemed almost offended by the Second Kira's impersonation attempts—which would make sense if you were Kira yourself—and you used me to help convince the other Task Force members that there was a Second Kira. If you were Kira, it would have been important to you to make that distinction. You would not want the name of Kira sullied, and you would never have sullied it yourself.

"If you are indeed Kira, I think Misa was a factor that you had not expected, and you arrested her both so she would not kill you and so that she would not reveal anything more about your killing power. Your reaction when the Second Kira mentioned Shinigami was certainly not an act—however, your reasons for falling out of your chair in shock may have been. You could have been panicking because she revealed something that could lead to your capture.

"Additionally, if you get her to confess and convict her of being Kira, it would certainly help establish your credibility as a detective—which, if you are indeed Kira, would be beneficial to you because people would be even less likely to suspect you.

"But…" Light had been staring straight through the bars of his cell so as not to crane his neck, but now he looked up at the camera, lips tugging upwards. "It's unlikely that you would have asked such a question to begin with, _Ryuzaki_. And you've never used the voice distorter with me before. Am I correct in assuming that this isn't Ryuzaki asking, but one of the other Task Force members?"

"Yes," came what was definitely Ryuzaki's voice over the speakers. "It was Matsuda, actually."

"I figured," Light said, and lowered his gaze again, though he let the smirk remain on his lips.

"That was quite an impressive defense, Light-kun," came Ryuzaki's voice. "I appreciate it, even though you continued to accuse me of being Kira."

"Well, it's possible that you're Kira, but it's not possible that you're the Second Kira," Light said, letting the smile slip away and adopting a serious expression as he looked back up at the camera. "I wouldn't want to see you under suspicion for something you definitely didn't do. It would get in the way of our endeavor to uncover the truth."

"Indeed," Ryuzaki intoned. "I hope that we can uncover the truth together, Light-kun."

"I hope so too, Ryuzaki," Light said. He smiled again. "Too bad I'm locked in a cell right now though, huh?"


	7. Programmed to be Pragmatic

**Programmed to be Pragmatic**

* * *

Light looked up at the camera and smiled. "I hope so too, Ryuzaki. Too bad I'm locked in a cell right now though, huh?" It was difficult to tell whether or not the smile reached his eyes. "Maybe you should let me out."

Ryuzaki's thumb rubbed over his lip. _You know I wouldn't do that, Light Yagami._ "If that was an attempt at humor, it was a poor one," he said. "Are you sure you should be making such jests?"

Light shrugged slightly, as much as he could with his wrists cuffed behind him, letting the smile fall away as he leaned his head back against the cot. "How else am I supposed to cope with the stress of being detained in a cell with nothing to do but wonder if I'm a mass murderer?" he asked. "Humor helps in coping with emotional distress, you know." His eyes found the camera again, and Ryuzaki found it odd how he almost felt as if Light could actually see him through the monitor. "You should try it, Ryuzaki. You shouldn't take everything so seriously."

Ryuzaki's thumb rubbed over is lip. "I'll make an attempt."

"Speaking of people who take things too seriously," Light said. "How is my father? Knowing him, he probably asked to be detained as well. I'm guessing he's also in a cell, then, and that he refuses to leave without me."

Ryuzaki's thumb rubbed over his lip. "…You are correct. And he's doing about as well as could be expected."

"That badly, huh?" Light said, with a sigh. "Have you told him that you're now under suspect for being Kira as well?"

"Aizawa and Matsuda decided that it would be better not to."

"Yes, I agree," said Light. "After all, there's no reason to seriously suspect you unless the killings start up again."

Ryuzaki's thumb rubbed over his lip. "Indeed."

Light was silent for several moments, curling up further, head down, hair obscuring his face. "What will become of me, Ryuzaki?" he said finally, softly. "Am I a dead man?" It was a subdued voice.

Ryuzaki's thumb rubbed over his lip. "It's difficult to determine."

Light was quiet for another several moments. "If I'm going to be executed," he started, somber, "I'd like to at least be allowed to create a will… could you do that for me, Ryuzaki? I'd like all my school notes to go to my sister, since I won't be able to help her with her homework anymore… my mom can have all my awards, medals, trophies… my dad can have my computer—I left some documents on there with notes about a few other cases the police have been having some trouble with recently… but I'd like to be buried with the watch my dad gave me, if that's okay… and I'd like for my diary with my notes on the Kira case to be burned, since they'd just make a mockery of me… the magazines hidden on my bookshelf should be sold, and the profit donated to a charity…"

Ryuzaki's thumb rubbed over his lip. "Light-kun. You know very well that I can't execute you without evidence."

"There will never be any evidence, Ryuzaki," said Light, head down. "Because I wasn't Kira. Or, if I was, I would not have left any evidence. Will you keep me locked up forever, then? You realize that's just condemning me to a slow death, as well… I'm not going to last like this, Ryuzaki…" he hunched further in on himself, and still did not look up at the camera. "It's so maddeningly boring in here…"

Ryuzaki's thumb rubbed over his lip. "I'm sorry, Light-kun. Please just hold on for a little while longer."

Light was quiet for another several moments. "If I die from boredom-induced insanity," he said, tone despondent, "and if Misa is ever let free, she can have all the photos taken of me from the last year… also, you should probably put her on suicide watch… I wouldn't want her to kill herself because of my death, even if I were Kira… actually, I probably would want her to die, if I were Kira… I'm sure the Second Kira caused the original Kira a great amount of strife…"

Ryuaki's thumb rubbed over his lip. _Light Yagami… you're either being needlessly melodramatic, purposefully obnoxious, or you're actually starting to lose it… given that you've only been detained for seven days, though, it's probably the first two._

He could hear Aizawa and Matsuda shifting behind them, no doubt discomforted by Light's ostensible dying wishes.

"You know, Light may have many people who could potentially vouch for him, but we don't actually have any statements from them," Ryuzaki said, lowering his hand to his knee. "We don't know whether they'd actually vouch for him or not. Maybe they'd actually incriminate him."

There was a pause, but the mood in the room had changed.

"I could get some statements from them!" Matsuda said, excited. "I know a few of them from Aoyama, after all."

"How would you explain why you were inquiring about him, though?" Aizawa said, less enthusiastic. "Wasn't your alias in Aoyama that you were Light's cousin?"

"Ah… I could pretend to be a budding journalist writing an article on To-Oh University's most brilliant!" said Matsuda.

"Then you'd have to inquire after me as well," Ryuzaki pointed out, though he didn't turn to look at them, keeping his gaze on the monitor. He had the inexplicable feeling that as soon as he moved his eyes away, Light would look up at the camera and smile.

"…I couldn't get in contact with you?" Matsuda suggested.

"…Yes," Ryuzaki said, keeping his gaze on the monitor, "I suppose that might work."

"I'll get right on that, then!" Matsuda was excited.

"Make sure you don't give anything away, Matsuda-san," Ryuzaki said, as Matsuda's footsteps started to move away.

The footsteps paused. "Do you not trust me at all?" Matsuda asked, whining slightly.

"Just making sure," Ryuzaki said. "You'll be conducting research on your own, after all, without back-up. You're the one people are most likely to feel comfortable talking to, and the least suspicious of. If anyone Aizawa-san or Mogi-san went with you, the interviewees might not be as honest."

"Totally unsuspicious, that's me!" Matsuda said brightly, sounding pleased, and then his footsteps retreated from the room.

"Aizawa-san, you should also stay here to keep tabs on me," Ryuzaki continued, after a pause. "It wouldn't make sense to leave me alone here, when I'm a suspect. And Watari can't necessarily be relied on to keep tabs on me for suspicious behavior, given that he likely has a bias in regards to me, and if I was Kira previously, he didn't notice. We should probably call Mogi-san in so you can take shifts." He paused, pressing closer to his legs, thumb rising back up to his lips again. But he didn't look away from the screen. He didn't want to give Light the chance to smile at him without him knowing. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience of this, Aizawa-san, but I'm sure you understand why it's necessary."

"Yeah," Aizawa said, "I wouldn't be comfortable letting you go unsupervised."

Ryuzaki glanced up at the ceiling, thumb rubbing over his lip. "It's like kindergarten all over again," he remarked.

There was a pause, and then a ground-out, _"Ryuzaki"_ from Aizawa.

"What?" Ryuzaki said, finally turning to look at the police officer, because if Light hadn't looked up at the camera with a complacent smile yet, then he probably wasn't going to. "Light said that I should try showing a sense of humor."

Aizawa was glaring at him, fists clenched. "I'd prefer it if you _didn't_ take the advice of someone who's been suspected of mass murder, Ryuzaki."

"But I'm suspected of mass murder as well, aren't I?" Ryuzaki pointed out.

"But if you believe that you weren't Kira, then you shouldn't take advice from the only other person who could be Kira!" Aizawa said, only a few decibels lower than a shout.

Ryuzaki blinked, eyes wide,, thumb at the corner of his mouth. "You really are taking this quite seriously…"

" _This is a serious case!"_ Aizawa was definitely shouting now. _"Hundreds of people have been killed, if not thousands by this point!"_

"Indeed," Ryuzaki said, lowering his hand. "I agree that it's gravely serious." He looked away, and his voice lowered, hands moving down to wrap around his ankles. "But Light-kun was right when he said that being suspected of killing hundreds of people is rather stressful, you know."

There were several moments of silence.

"I've called in Mogi," Watari said, stepping back into the room. "He should be arriving shortly."

"Thank you, Watari," Ryuzaki said. "Would you like to handle the explanation, Aizawa-san?"

"Yeah," Aizawa said, sounding tired again, "sure."

"I truly apologize for making you do this, Aizawa-san," Ryuzaki said.

"It's not your fault, Ryuzaki," Aizawa said, sighing. "Unless it is, of course."

Ryuzaki looked back up at the monitor, where Light was still sitting hunched on the floor, head down. Maybe Light's complacent smile was hidden behind his hair.

"Indeed," Ryuzaki agreed.

* * *

When Mogi entered the hotel room, carefully shutting the door behind him, he turned around to find Aizawa and Watari looking at him. Aizawa looked angry. Watari looked neutral, in that way where it was hard to tell if his eyes were even open. Ryuzaki was crouched in the armchair, not looking at him. He was just looking at the monitor.

It was oddly silent. Maybe because Matsuda wasn't present. Mogi stood there, shifting his weight from foot to foot, waiting. Nobody said anything. Maybe they were waiting for something for him. What that could be, though, he didn't know. Was he supposed to have done something when he entered the room?

"I'm here," he said, finally. He didn't know why there was an air of expectancy in the room. He thought that they'd called him there because they wanted to tell him something.

"Aizawa-san, if you would inform Mogi-san of the situation," Ryuzaki said, not looking away from the monitor.

Mogi couldn't help look over at the monitor as well, to see if something interesting was happening, and that was why Ryuzaki was watching it so intently. But it was immediately obvious that nothing was happening. Chief Yagami, Light, and Misa were all neither moving nor talking.

Ryuzaki probably just didn't want to miss anything, if something did happen. He hardly seemed to even sleep, lest he miss something important.

Mogi turned his attention back to Aizawa, who was taking a deep breath and still looking angry.

Mogi prepared himself for whatever was coming. There was an air in the room as if something terrible had happened, and people seemed to like to vent their anger and frustration in his presence. He wasn't sure why, but it didn't really bother him much. He supposed that they let off steam towards him since they knew he could take it. It was probably similar to punching a brick wall.

He was surprised, therefore, when all Aizawa told him was that either Light Yagami was Kira, or Ryuzaki was Kira, but there was no evidence against either.

When Aizawa finished his explanation, Mogi just stood there, wondering if that was really it, or if there was more coming. Surely that couldn't have been what had solely caused the stifling air in the room. Criminal pyschologits had been suggesting that perhaps L and Kira were the same person since the Lind L. Taylor episode on television, after all. And he already knew that they had no hard evidence against Light Yagami; just Ryuzaki's suspicion, and the fact that when Light was detained, the criminals had stopped dying. So if Light were Kira, then it would make sense. And if Ryuzaki were Kira, that would make sense, too.

Either way, though, Mogi figured there wasn't much to worry about. The truth would be revealed eventually. And if he and the other task members were going to be killed, Kira would have done it already, since both Light and Ryuzaki knew their names and faces. So if they hadn't killed them yet, then they probably weren't planning on killing them. He did not feel in danger of dying.

However, Aizawa was looking at him expectantly. Even Watari, who's expression hadn't changed, and Ryuzaki, who wasn't looking at him, both seemed to be expectant, as well. As if they were waiting for something from him.

He didn't know what they were waiting for. But the silence stretched on for a duration that Mogi suspected had become awkward.

"I see," he said, eventually. He wanted to ask if that was all, but thought that it might be inappropriate, so he didn't.

The tension in the room seemed to ease slightly, so Mogi figured he'd said the correct thing. Aizawa still looked angry, though. But then again, Aizawa almost always looked angry. Matsuda said that Aizawa wasn't actually angry all the time, though, but that his face only looked that way. but Matsuda also said that Mogi always looked like Japan had just declared war on another country, and Mogi had no idea where he got that impression.

Aizawa started explaining the schedule for their shifts during which they'd supervise Ryuzaki to make sure he was not acting like Kira, and Mogi nodded once he had a good idea of his new tasks and work schedule.

He much preferred it when people outlined exactly what was expected of him, rather than expecting him to guess. He didn't know why people always seemed to expect him to guess what they were thinking. He wasn't a mind-reader, after all.

It seemed to him that people tended to waste an awful lot of time trying to guess things, or waiting for people to guess things. It wasn't very efficient.

Aizawa finished his explanation, and Mogi thought that it didn't sound like too bad of a task, staying there and watching Ryuzaki to make sure he didn't do anything suspicious. Mogi was just still glad he didn't have to pretend to be L towards Deputy Director General Kitamura's daughter anymore.

That had been stressful.

* * *

"I'm sure the Second Kira caused the original Kira a great amount of strife…" Light had said, trailing off, waiting, but Ryuzaki had not answered.

Ryuzaki had no doubt seen through him, then. Well, he'd been supposed to—Light had, after all, been rubbing it in Ryuzaki's face that he couldn't actually execute him, and he'd been quite blatant about it.

Light kept his head down so the camera wouldn't catch the way his lips curled upwards.

 _Whether I'm Kira or you are, Ryuzaki, it doesn't matter—either way, I'm not going to let you win._

The smile lingered for a few moments, feeling bright, exhilarating, dangerous, before it started to decay, a half-life of only a few seconds.

 _There really is nothing to do in here, though… absolutely nothing…_

(the nails were scratching ceaselessly at the edges of his mind, the beginnings of a scream rising like bile in his throat, acidic and burning, smile it back down, smile it back down—)

The smile on his lips felt stiff and wrong, dead on his face, but he refused to let it fall away lest all his sense of self-possession fall away with it, and he didn't look up at the camera lest Ryuzaki realize exactly how much he'd been lying, and how much he hadn't.

 _I'm not going to let you win, Ryuzaki,_ he thought, and smiled the dead smile harder, gritted teeth and twinging cheeks.

 _I'm not going to let you win._

 _I'm not going to let you win._

 _I'm not going to let you—_


	8. A Killer Just for Fun

**A Killer Just for Fun**

* * *

 _8th day of confinement_

* * *

Light's head was throbbing. Each beat of his own heart was another hammer strike behind his eyes. Even the smallest twitch of a muscle, the slightest movement, made him see bright white.

"I have a question for you, Light-kun."

The voice was too loud, and made the pain flare. He'd grit his teeth or clench his eyes against the pain, but that just made it worse. It was best to stay curled on the floor and not to move at all.

"Light-kun?"

Each syllable was another stab of a knife behind his eyes. It hurt. He didn't even have words for how much it hurt. He was going to throw up.

"Are you alright, Light-kun?"

Ryuzaki needed to shut up. Him with his fake concern, words that made everything worse.

"Migraine," Light managed. He could barely think. The lights were too bright, stabbing him through his eyelids. "Please, could you… maybe turn the lights down…?"

He hated migraines more than anything.

"I'm sorry, Light-kun. I can't do that."

Except maybe for Ryuzaki, in that moment.

"I can arrange for some painkillers to be provided with your next meal, though. My goal isn't to torture you, after all."

Light's head throbbed agonizingly. It felt like he was dying. He could barely think. "Could have fooled me…"

 _If you're going to kill me… just do it now…_

He didn't even care anymore. Anything to make the pain stop.

He couldn't think.

* * *

 _9th day of confinement_

* * *

"Are you feeling better, Light-kun?"

Light had pulled himself into a sitting position a few hours ago. He looked up at the camera. _**Now**_ _you ask, Ryuzaki? So you were waiting for something._ "Yes. Thanks."

He shifted his gaze down again, gazing at the gray cement wall beyond the cell bars. Looking at the camera wasn't worth getting another migraine. "You wanted to ask me something, Ryuzaki?"

"Yes." A slight pause. "What are your feelings on Kira, Light-kun?"

"My feelings on Kira?"

"Do you believe that Kira is evil?"

"Evil?" Light shook his head slightly. "No, I wouldn't say that Kira is evil. If Kira were evil, he would be using his killing power to kill for his own personal benefit, not trying to purge society of criminals."

"Then do you believe that murder is okay?"

Light felt the rather childish urge to roll his eyes. He easily suppressed it. _Really, Ryuzaki?_ "Of course not."

"But you believe that murdering criminals is okay?"

Light's lips quirked slightly. "You're asking if I believe Kira is doing the right thing?"

"Yes."

Light let out a slow, quiet breath. "I do believe that there are certain people—such as the criminals Kira was killing—that the world would be better off without," he said. He resisted the urge to look up at the camera, lowering his gaze slightly to the line where the gray cement wall met the gray cement floor, knowing that with his head slightly downturned his bangs would hide his eyes.

"But Ryuzaki," he said, "why these questions? I already admitted that Kira's morals align to an unnerving degree with my own, which was why I requested to be detained in the first place. I do believe I could possibly have been Kira." He tilted his head slightly, just enough to indicate that he was thinking. "I assume this questioning means that that the killings haven't started up again."

"You are correct. And I am asking your opinions on Kira because you have expressed both that your morals align with Kira's and that you want to catch Kira and make sure he gets the death penalty. Do you believe, if you're Kira, that you should be executed?"

 _So that's what this is about, huh?_ Light thought.

He paused, tongue wetting his lips; they were chapped. "I don't want to die," he said. _And I know that you don't either, Ryuzaki._ "But if I am Kira…" He lifted his head just slightly, enough that he figured he could be sure the camera would catch his wry smile. "Well, execution is the only option, isn't it?"

"But you still want to work to find out the truth, even if it might mean revealing that you're Kira, and result in your execution?"

 _Still asking questions you already know the answers to, Ryuzaki. What are you really trying to get at?_

Light let the wry smile slip away, schooled his expression into one of grim determination. "If I'm Kira, then I want to know. And if you're Kira, then I want to know." He glanced up at the camera for a moment. "How could we possibly live our lives with the doubt and uncertainty?" He looked back down at the smooth gray expanse of concrete floor, shaking his head slightly. "It would never leave us alone, Ryuzaki."

"And if I'm Kira? What would you recommend be done?"

Light adopted the wry smile again. "That you should be executed, obviously."

"Even if you believe in Kira's values?"

Light made a show of taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "If you are Kira, Ryuzaki, then I respect what you've been able to accomplish," he said, letting his voice become subdued. "Changing the world, and framing me for it…. Not just anyone would be able to accomplish that. But that's all the more reason to have you executed. Anything less would be an insult."

He shrugged his stiff, aching shoulders. _"_ And, whatever Kira has accomplished, once he's caught and there's evidence against him, he won't be able to accomplish anything more. He will have failed, and there's no use debating whether or not he's right."

He was probably going to get another migraine no matter what he did, anyway. _Oh well; at least suffering from pain means I'm not suffering from boredom._ He raised his head to look up at the camera. "If Kira succeeds, then he's right—if he fails, then he's wrong." He grinned sardonically. "History is written by the victors, after all."

"You're dodging the question. What are your personal feelings?"

 _My personal feelings, huh? Even if I claimed to disagree with Kira, it wouldn't decrease the suspicion against me; it might even make it worse, since Ryuzaki would believe me to be lying._

 _Might as well answer honestly, then._

"Kira is conducting a social experiment," he said, looking up at the camera. "I think the premise is fascinating; will killing all the serious criminals really make the world a better place?" He looked away, shrugging. "It's impossible to tell how it will work out at this point, though. So I believe I retain the right to reserve my judgment."

 _Honestly, if I hadn't been implicated as a suspect myself, I would probably not be trying to stop Kira. It would have been interesting to simply watch how it played out. But it turned out that I might die because of Kira's actions…_

He sighed, leaning back against the cot, the hard rim pressing against his aching shoulder blades. "But what about you, Ryuzaki? If I answered, it's only fair that you answer, as well."

A pause.

"I also don't want to die… and I also agree that executing Kira, when we catch him, is the only option."

Light tilted his head, looking up at the camera, lips quirking. "And your feelings, Ryuzaki? Do you believe that Kira is evil?"

An even longer pause. _Debating whether or not to keep lying to me, Ryuzaki?_ The artificial lights hummed.

Finally: "Let me let you in on a secret, Light-kun." Ryuzaki's voice had changed, a drizzling of mist instead of pelting hail. "No human being is evil. To believe that a human is evil would be to believe that they are a supernatural force of unadulterated immorality and malevolence, which would be to believe that they are something other than human and are not bound by human flaws. If I believed that humans were capable of being evil, I would not be a successful detective. Solving cases, after all, requires an understanding of human flaws. Pride. Greed. Guilt. Desire. Hatred. Fear. No human is free of these—not even Kira. If you believe that Kira is evil and is not bound by these human flaws, then you have already admitted defeat."

Light glanced at the camera. _That sounded an awful lot like the truth._ "And yet you told the Task Force that Kira is evil."

"It makes some people more motivated, if they feel secure in their own morality by believing that which they are opposing is a force of evil. To believe that which you are opposing is Evil is also to believe that you are on the side of Good, and saves you from doubt. You don't want your soldiers, the ones carrying out your orders, to doubt. But doubt is always necessary for the commander. As soon as the commander stops doubting, the commander has developed blindspots which the enemy can and will exploit."

 _If you're telling me this right now,_ Light thought, _then that must mean that nobody else is listening, and that you don't plan on letting anyone discover that this conversation took place. They'd hate you for saying that, after all. Which means that this conversation is just for the two of us, and you're letting me know that. What's your play? Are you trying to make me trust you by acting like you trust me?_

Light suppressed the urge to smirk. _If that's the way you want to play it, Ryuzaki, I'll play along._ "The best person to hunt criminals is one with criminal propensities." He kept his voice soft."You have to be able to think the way that they do. I've known that for a long time." He smiled slightly. "It's fortunate I have a father with such a strong sense of justice."

 _You should like that answer, Ryuzaki._

"Indeed," agreed Ryuzaki. "Yagami-san's morals appear to have had a significant influence on your own."

 _Knew it,_ thought Light. He waited.

"To tell you the truth, Light-kun…" Ryuzaki's voice had become a gentle drifting of snowflakes onto frozen ground. "This is the first time I've worked on such a morally gray case…. Usually, when crimes are committed, it is obvious that the actions of the criminal were abhorrent."

Light figured it was an acceptable reaction to laugh slightly, at that. "This Kira case is truly anomalous, isn't it?"

"Indeed."

Another pause, and when Ryuzaki spoke, his voice lower still, like that of someone who had just woken up from sleep (snowflakes drifting down, disappearing against the white). "There are many types of killers in this world. Those who kill out of necessity. Those who kill out of anger. Those who kill out of fear. Those who kill out of hatred. Those who kill out of jealousy. Those who kill for money. Those who kill for social status. Those who kill for an ideal. Those who kill for fun. These last two types of killers are especially dangerous, and Kira could loosely be categorized under both of them. However, he's an unusual case."

(a single drop of red in the snow)

"Most killers who kill for an ideal are usually part of a war, those in power making the orders or those on the ground carrying them out. Kira is clearly acting on his own, and, despite the those who are already considering themselves his followers, he has made no move to become their leader and take over the country by force. His motives are thus clearly not one of a power-hungry tyrant."

(another drop of red, another, dark and glistening as they fell)

"Most killers who kill for fun, on the other hand, enjoy the act itself of taking lives, of watching the light fade from people's eyes. They tend to enjoy getting their hands dirty. Kira, however, can kill from a distance, seemingly with merely a thought. He can get no satisfaction from the act itself. His actions are thus not those of someone who delights in death."

(the red kept dripping, spreading over the cold white, dark and lurid and warm)

"Kira's actions are clearly one of someone with power and an irreverence for life, but it's a kind of power and irreverence that the only adequate comparison for is someone playing a strategy game. His power is that of someone with control of the pieces as if from above, and his enjoyment in killing is one of someone killing bad guys in a game in order to reach an end goal—the only end goal of a game being to win for the sake of winning."

(the snow was stained scarlet with blood)

 _You've thought a lot about this, Ryuzaki,_ Light thought. _And if anyone knew killers, it would be you, wouldn't it? The world's greatest detective… why are you telling me this…?_

He raised his gaze to the camera. "Kira thinks himself a God, then."

"Yes. Kira believes himself a God, and this is what will ultimately be his downfall. He will lose sight of his own human flaws. In believing himself above humanity, he will stop covering his weaknesses and become vulnerable."

Light grinned wryly. "If that's the case, then truly, neither of us can be Kira."

"Not right now." Ryzuaki's voice was soft, pensive. "But if memories can be erased…"

 _Are you scared of the possibility that you're Kira, Ryuzaki?_ Light wondered. He glanced up at the camera out of the corner of his eye. "Do you think you'd think yourself a God, if you had Kira's killing power?"

Silence. And then, eventually: "I think anybody who could bear the burden of such a power without breaking would come to believe they were a kind of God."

 _Why are you telling me this, Ryuzaki?_ Light sighed, leaning back, aching shoulder blades pressed harder against the edge of the cot. "Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely, huh?"

"Something like that." A pause, and then quietly, sounding almost as if he were talking to himself: "Absolute corruption takes an interesting form when the person with that power holds no interest in the world."

Light looked at the camera, curious. "No interest in the world?"

"Why do people play games, Light-kun?"

"To stave off boredom," Light said immediately.

"Exactly."

Light hesitated, lowering his gaze to the floor, bangs sweeping over his eyes. _What's the point of this conversation? It's like you're trying to convince me that we're on the same side._ "Are you bored, Ryuzaki?"

The artificial lights hummed, filling the silence like cicadas.

"Not when I'm working on a case," said Ryuzaki finally, and it sounded like an admission of guilt.

 _You really_ _ **are**_ _afraid that you could be Kira, aren't you?_ Light thought, closing his eyes. _But why tell me this? To convince me that you're not lying when you say you have no memories of being Kira? To try to get me to lower my guard by making it seem like, rather than being enemies fighting to win against the other, we're both in this together? That we feel and want the same things? You're not that much of an idiot, Ryuzaki. You're probably just interested in my reactions. But to what end? I'm sure you've already figured out that I couldn't possibly be lying about having no memories of being Kira. And thus my reactions couldn't prove anything, one way or the other. Was this an admission of defeat, admitting that there's no way, at this point, to determine who's Kira, since we can't know how we'd change if we suddenly gained the power to kill people with a thought?_

Light took a deep breath through his nose, let it out slowly through his mouth. "It's terribly boring in this cell, you know," he said finally.

"I can imagine."

Light snorted, glancing up at the camera bitterly. "Can you really?"

The humming of the artificial lights filled the silence.

"I'd rather not…" came Ryuzaki's voice, finally.

Light looked down, clenching his eyes shut. _Why do you sound like you're speaking so honestly today, Ryuzaki?_

"Well, I suppose I don't really have a right to complain," Light said, heaving a sigh. "I did ask to be detained, after all." He paused for suspense. "But still, I'd rather not go insane…" He raised his gaze back tot he camera, making sure to widen his eyes slightly. "How many days have I been here, now?"

"Nine."

"Nine," Light repeated, looking back down. He let his lips quirk wryly. "I didn't think it would take this long. Kira still hasn't killed anyone since my detainment, am I correct?"

"Yes."

 _Might as well push a little bit, try to determine what his goal is._ "Why not just take the chance and execute me?"

"That's not how I solve cases, Light-kun. You should know that. And it's barely been over a week. It could still merely be coincidence."

"Even though Kira never halted killings for this long before this?" Light prodded.

"I didn't say it was a high chance that it could be merely a coincidence. But I could also be Kira. As you pointed out, it thus wouldn't make sense for me to execute you at this point."

"No," Light agreed, "it wouldn't." _Well, that didn't work. Let's try something else, then._ He looked up, glancing at the camera. "You've been rather talkative today, Ryuzaki."

"Is that a problem, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki's voice was hail again.

"No," Light said. _Something changed. Somebody must have returned; we're being listened in on, now._ Light smiled at the camera as gratefully as he could. "In fact, I appreciate it. I enjoy our conversations. They help to stave off the boredom in here."

"I'm glad."

Light didn't answer that, simply smiling at the camera for a few more moments before dropping his gaze and sighing, and Ryuzaki said nothing more.

 _So what was the point of that conversation?_ Light wondered. _Is he really that anxious about the possibility that he's Kira, or was he just trying to make me think that he's anxious about it? If he's that anxious, then why would he let me know? And if he isn't, then why would he want me to think that he is? What advantage does that give him?_

 _And why would he admit that he doesn't think Kira is evil, and that he lied to the rest of the Task Force in order to manipulate them? Is he trying to tempt me into telling_ _them that he said that? It would certainly make them furious. Why would he give me that fodder against him? There's no way he would do that—he's no doubt made sure that there's no way they could get their hands on that footage, either by deleting it, or making sure it didn't record during that period. If I tried to tell them that he said that, it would just be used against me, making it seem like I'm lying. Surely Ryuzaki doesn't think I'm that stupid._

 _No, he must have simply been gaging my reactions to what he said. Why? Not to prove whether or not I'm Kira. It couldn't be that. Did he just honestly want to know what my feelings on Kira are? To confirm some hypotheses about my character?_

 _When he got me to admit that I believe I have criminal propensities… was he trying to affirm that I'm just as capable of being Kira as he now suspects himself to be? Why? Surely that conversation wasn't just to make himself feel better. No, there had to have been another purpose…_

 _Did he trick me? Should I not have said anything? No… there was nothing in that conversation that he could use against me… by humoring him, I learned that he truly doesn't have anything that proves I'm Kira, and I also learned that he sympathizes with Kira, which is something he didn't want anyone else to know. Could I use that to my advantage…?_

 _No, surely he wouldn't have told me if it was something I could turn against him. So why did he want me to know that? Ryuzaki doesn't say anything without a purpose. What is he up to…?_

Light's hands were still cuffed behind him, shoulders and neck aching. And on top of that, he was still dehydrated, his lips still chapped. It was all adding up to the beginnings of another migraine.

 _Damn it all._

* * *

Voices. Someone was speaking. Someones?

Aizawa sat up in the arm chair he'd been slouched in, rubbing at his eyes, before his gaze alighted on Ryuzaki's form released the button that turned on the speakers in Light's cell.

"What are you doing, Ryuzaki?" Aizawa asked suspiciously, narrowing his eyes.

"Conversing with Light-kun," Ryuzaki answered, as if it were obvious, hand retreating to rest on his knee. His dark eyes were locked on the screen, and he seemed almost put out by something. "I feel myself stuck in quite a bind," he said, a thumb rubbing over his lip. "I do not want to be Kira. But I do not want Light-kun to be Kira, either. But there is a 99.99% chance that one of us was Kira."

"I don't think anybody is happy about this situation, Ryuzaki," Aizawa said, an edge to his voice. _Like you have any right to be sulking, Ryuzaki!_

Ryuzaki looked over at him, dark eyes round and looking far too much like a child's. "You're right, Aizawa-san. I'm sorry."

Aizawa gritted his teeth. _I hate it when he does that! It reminds me too much of my daughter, when she's confused or nervous about something… Ryuzaki is a grown man, for goodness' sakes!_ "You should wake me up, next time, you know," he bit out, glaring at the detective who may or may not actually be Kira. _What were you talking to Light about, huh?_ "It's suspicious that you're doing such things when I'm sleeping."

Ryuzaki blinked those dark, childish eyes at him. "You were asleep, Aizawa-san?"

"…" _You mean you honestly didn't notice?! Then that means I just admitted to falling asleep on the job…_

"You shouldn't fall asleep on the job, you know," Ryuzaki said, eyes still wide, thumb rubbing childishly over his lip. "What if I killed someone when you weren't watching me? If you're that tired, you should call Mogi-san so he can switch shifts early, and go get some real sleep in a real bed. There's no shame in that. I know this is stressful for everyone involved; I don't want you to wear yourself out."

Aizawa's eyebrow twitched. _Ryuzaki, you fucking…!_


	9. Hide And Seek

**Hide And Seek**

* * *

 _10th day of Light's confinement_

* * *

Ryuzaki was not enjoying this.

"Please let me go, Stalker-san," Misa said again. "I want to see Light… Stalker-san? Stalker-san, are you there?"

Ryuzaki had stopped answering her.

"Has anything happened?!" demanded Yagami-san, whenever Ryuzaki tried to say anything. "Is there any news?! Have the killings started up again?!"

It was exhausting to deal with, and he'd stopped trying. ( _You're not even asking about your son, Yagami-san,_ he noted, something about the fact bothering him. _Is that because there's something that makes you believe Light could really be Kira? Your reactions thus far have been those of someone plagued by doubt. You don't really trust your son, do you?_ )

Mogi was watching him with stoic gargoyle eyes, silent and observing, but it was better than Aizawa's narrowed eyes and thinly-veiled suspicion.

Light lay curled up on the floor of his cell, breathing too regularly to not be carefully, consciously monitoring each inhale and exhale, and said nothing even though Ryuzaki waited.

He waited until he knew that Light would not say anything without being prompted, and then spoke quietly into the mic, "Another migraine, Light-kun?"

Light didn't answer, which was an answer in and of itself. Light had been breathing deeply carefully for hours, curled up there on the cell floor. He wasn't going to be asking for painkillers.

 _Why are you doing this to yourself, Light Yagami? You're someone who would avoid pain whenever possible. Is boredom really so terrible that even pain is better?_

Ryuzaki stirred his coffee, and did not drink any. The aftertaste of cake in his mouth was overly sweet to the point of bitterness.

 _It is, isn't it…_

"Light-kun?" he prompted quietly, but he knew, and he knew that Light knew that he knew, and he knew that Light knew that he knew that he knew, and sometime a long time ago there was a child who was never found during games of hide-and-seek because he was always exactly where the seeker would never think to look.

As soon as one hunkered down and waited to be found, one had already lost. The trick was always to keep moving, but once one figured out the trick it was easy, and once it was easy there was too much time for thinking, stacking up block after block till there were no more left and there was nothing to do but knock it all down.

Madness lay not in the tumble of blocks but in the silence and stillness before and after.

Chief Yagami was haggard, Misa was slumped like a ragdoll and Light looked wretched, curled there on the floor, and the more the eyes around him viewed the screens with pity the more the suspicion burned into his back.

Ryuzaki curled up in his arm chair and hugged his knees close to him, trying to feel just a little bit more safe. "I wish you wouldn't paint me out to be cruel like this, Light-kun," he said, and was not surprised when Light still didn't answer. "Painkillers will be brought to your shortly. You will not be forced to take them, of course, but I do recommend taking them before your migraine worsens to such an extent that you can barely drink water without throwing up."

Light's response was a murmur, but the equipment for picking up sound was excellent. "Are you speaking from experience, Ryuzaki?"

Mogi was a gargoyle by the door, and Watari was almost always listening. Ryuzaki wished he could have solved this case from a dark, empty hotel room, with nobody there to have ever seen his face.

Somewhere there was a closet that smelled of leather boots and mothballs which had once hidden a child between its dresses and coats who peered out through the cracks in the door's paneling and realized it was safe to stay there when nobody could remember who they were looking for, and realized he could stay there until they started to doubt that they were actually missing anybody, thinking they'd miscounted their players in the beginning.

"I recommend not forgetting to drink anything but coffee," Ryuzaki suggested. The dark substance in the white mug made him feel nauseated even to look at, and he nudged it away with the spoon, almost knocking it over. His thoughts were skipping like flat stones over the reflective surface of a pond and then sinking. It was dark in the water, murky with silt.

He lay down the piece of silverware, resting his chin on his knees and prying his eyelids open with his fingers, watching the screens. His eyes were dry and stinging.

He was missing something.

A tray with food, water, and painkillers was slipped into Light's cell, but he still didn't move.

A long time ago somewhere there was a carpet with a trail of footprints just barely visible, depressions from small feet, and it looked like only one child had cross the expanse when there in fact had been two. The pairs of feet needed to be washed, the carpet needed to be vacuumed.

Ryuzaki's eyes were starting to water, and Light's breathing was starting to become uneven.

A long time ago, a child had pressed fingers to puffy bags beneath his eyes that were smudged with purple and blue and catching all the shadows in the room, and thought that it was annoying to be human. His legs on his walk back to the room with a cot reserved for him had been unsteady and he'd almost tripped on the stairs.

He was curled in the arm chair and Light was curled on the cell floor, and somebody somewhere was in denial of something but surely it wasn't either of them. In the eyes of those watching, they had to be something more than human.

Ryuzaki saw Light move towards the water and painkiller as his eyelids slipped closed and everything went dark.

* * *

Ryuzaki opened his eyes and looked at the clock, which proclaimed the time two hours and thirty-four minutes later than when he'd last checked. It was disorienting.

 _I must have slept._ He looked at the screens. Everybody appeared to be sleeping; Chief Yagami lying on his back on the cot, Misa slumped in her restraints, Light on his side on the floor, no longer tense and breathing slow, even, shallow.

Mogi was still a gargoyle by the door, a constant and stone-silent presence.

Ryuzaki rubbed his thumb over his lip and looked down at his feet, wiggling his toes, his pale feet seeming almost to have a ghostly glow in the dim light of the hotel room. The curtains were closed and the only light that slipped through around the edges was the thin orange, red, yellow, blue, pink, green lights of the city at night. The rain was still pattering on the windows.

Ryuzaki looked back at the monitor, clenching his fingers around his shins, hard enough that it might bruise. _This isn't fun anymore_ , he thought, and looked down, gritting his teeth. He'd never felt this way while working on a case before. He worked on cases so that he _wouldn't_ feel this way, like maybe he should let himself fall asleep and then never bother to wake up.

 _This isn't a case anymore. I caught the Second Kira, but that means nothing. I have evidence that links her to the killings, but she doesn't remember anything, and without knowing how the Kiras killed they can't be convicted._

 _And there's no evidence linking anybody to being the original Kira. Based on theories, it could equally be Light or me, but we can never know. And now that the killings have stopped, we might never know. There's no case to work on; we're just waiting for something that may never happen._

 _This is utterly pointless._

He watched Light's sleeping form. The water and painkiller that had been on the tray were gone. When Light Yagami was curled up on the floor asleep like that, when one couldn't see the fierce intelligence burning in his eyes and the carefully constructed mask of his smile, he just looked like an eighteen-year-old boy.

 _He's young,_ Ryuzaki thought. _But I was young, too._

He exhaled slowly, arms around his legs and face buried against his knees, hugging himself. _Light Yagami… I underestimated him._

 _I didn't expect this; for him to ask to be detained because he might be Kira, and then to suggest that I'm Kira, and use his disadvantaged situation to make me look worse. Who seems more like Kira: the one suffering in a cell, or the one who put them there and just watches, drinking coffee and eating cake?_

 _He's turned his disadvantage into an advantage. It's a clever move; something that someone with the capacity to be Kira would come up with. But it's not a move that Kira would make, which makes it all the more advantageous. If Kira could manipulate his own memories into forgetting he was Kira, it would make sense for Light, if he'd been Kira, to have done so in this situation, because he needs to act not on what would be the best move for Kira to make but what would be the best move for someone who_ _ **isn't**_ _Kira to make, and can't let his goals and desires as Kira get in the way._

 _If I were Kira, would I have given up my memories in this situation?_

Ryuzaki closed his eyes, fabric of his pants brushing against his cheeks, his breathing warm and audible in the enclosed space he'd created for himself.

 _Yes,_ he thought, _if I'd been Kira and had the ability to erase my memories, I would have done so when Light accused me of being Kira. I would need to make sure my actions were those of someone not afraid of being discovered as Kira due to believing completely that I'm not Kira._

 _Whether or not Light is_ _Kira, though, I'm at a disadvantage. Now that I'm a suspect, I no longer have control of this situation._ _There's no longer a case—and even if there was, nobody has cause to believe me or follow my instructions._

 _There's nowhere to move from here._ _No course of action._

Ryuzaki hugged his legs closer, so tightly his arms trembled.

 _This isn't fun anymore._

* * *

 _11th day of Light's confinement_

* * *

Gray light filtered around the curtains and rain pattered on the windowpane. Ryuzaki watched the dark curtains hanging there and holding back the streams of light, and considered walking over and peeking through them to watch the rain.

It would be more interesting than watching Chief Yagami pace, and then slump in the chair, and then pace, and then slump in the chair; or Misa tilt her head up, ask to see Light, wait for an answer, and let her head drop again, talking to herself about all the things she missed; or Light sitting there watching the camera with eyes that should not belong to an eighteen-year-old kid who'd never done anything wrong in the entire duration of his sheltered life.

The only change in the last several hours had been Mogi and Aizawa changing shifts, Mogi going home for the day while Aizawa watched and waited for either him or Light to kill someone.

After a while, Misa started singing softly to herself. _"I wanna be like you, I wanna say that I can / I wanna be the person that you think that I am / But even if I had it all come true like a dream / Is the person I came to be really the real me?"_

Ryuzaki watched the monitor and tried not to feel the way he seemed to be sinking, or the way Aizawa's eyes were burning into his back.

" _So young and simple, wishing like things would come true / Now as I am, I understand it's best I die, and soon._ _"_

There was a half-eaten piece of angel cake on a small white plate on the table, silver fork balanced there. Ryuzaki reached out to nudge the utensil with a finger, and it clattered as it fell of the plate.

" _Just by living I'm hurting them another day / Hundreds cry, all I do is ruin everything / Nobody wanted me, no one there to need / If only I could live in that kind of world I dreamed."_

"Ryuzaki."

"Yes, Aizawa-san?"

 _("Just by leaving I'm helping them another day / Hundreds smile, all they do is laugh at everything / Nobody there to scream, no more being mean but see / Things like that would never happen for me.")_

"How long… how long is this going to last, exactly?"

 _("Day after day I found my way, sleepwalking through / Like this I'll fade without a trace, it's for the best I do.")_

"I don't know."

 _("Just by living I'm nothing for another day / Hundred lives, never knowing me or anything / Nobody wanted me, no one there to need / Why would I wanna live in the kind of world I see?")_

"This can't just go on forever, Ryuzaki!"

 _("Just by leaving I'm no one for another day / Hundred lives, never changing them or anything / Nobody there to scream, no more being mean to me / Then could I have it all back in one piece?")_

"I agree."

"Then what…?!"

 _("In the end, we'll fall to the ground again / Over and over and never get up / In the end, the person they made in me / Breaking and breaking and never pick up / In the end, we're leaving it all again / Over and over and never wake up.")_

"If you have any suggestions, Aizawa-san, I would be more than happy to hear them."

The rain pattered on the windowpanes, and Misa was still singing.

" _Just by living I'm bringing you another day / Why, just for me, can you smile after everything?"_

Ryuzaki found himself watching her, fascinated. Despite the blind and restrains Misa was smiling slightly, tapping her foot to the beat of the music in her head.

" _In the end, the smile you give to me / Right when I wanted to give it all up / And I really do wish that I didn't / And all of the moments I tried / Just to die said goodbye."_

Something glistened in the light, and Ryuzaki leaned forward curiously, blinking at the trails of tears on her cheeks, streaming from behind the blindfold covering her eyes.

 _"_ _Just by leaving I'm no one for another day / Hundred lives, never changing them or anything / Somebody here to scream, someone here is stopping me / Why can't I laugh it off the way that I'd dreamed?"_

Misa raised her head slightly, and she was smiling through the tears. "I really miss you, Light… but I believe in you… I believe you'll get me out of here… I just have to wait for you, right?"

Ryuzaki rubbed his thumb over his lip, watching her. "You think your boyfriend will get you out of here, Amane-san?" he spoke into the mic. "Why, because he's Kira?"

" _Again_ with the Kira thing?" Misa asked, turning her head towards the speakers, voice rising furiously. "Is that all you ever talk about? Why are you asking _me_ about that? I told you, I don't know who Kira is! That's such a poor excuse for tying me up like this, Stalker-san—I've never had anything to do with Kira aside from admiring him! But I wish I _was_ Kira! If I were Kira I would kill you and then get out of here so I can see Light again!"

 _Your love for Light is truly incredible, Misa Amane,_ Ryuzaki thought, and didn't say anything as she continued to rant, yelling and crying.

"Ryuzaki…" said Aizawa from behind him, a note of warning in his voice.

"She was the Second Kira," Ryuzaki reminded him. "Do you believe we should just let her go? Do you believe that she shouldn't at all suffer for those she killed? For the death of Ukita?"

He could hear Aizawa grit his teeth. "No… but I…" Aizawa hissed out a breath. "But this still doesn't feel right, somehow…"

"Then what would you suggest, Aizawa-san?"

"I…"

Ryuzaki kept his gaze on the monitor, watching as Misa finally calmed down, slumping again in her restraints.

"Amane-san," Ryuzaki spoke quietly into the mic, "you're voice is quite beautiful."

"You're a pervert," Misa choked out. "I hope Kira kills you."

 _I was trying to be nice…_ Ryuzaki thought, and sighed. He stood up and tucked his hands in his pockets, turning and walking past the stunned Aizawa.

"I'm going to sleep," he called over his shoulder. "I trust you'll inform me if anything eventful happens, Aizawa-san."

"H-hai…"

Not bothering to shut the bedroom door behind him, Ryuzaki climbed onto the bed and curled up amid the stacks of papers, closing his eyes and trying, in vain, to think about nothing at all.

"Misa is asking if you'll let her go if she sings a song for you," came Aizawa's voice behind him from the doorway.

"Tell her she can sing all she wants, but it won't get her out," Ryuzaki said without opening his eyes.

"Hai…" Aizawa's foosteps retreated, and there was a murmur of him speaking and the computerized voice being played in Misa's cell, then what sounded like maybe Misa was wheedling again.

Ryuzaki curled up further, his bare feet brushing against the edges of papers, and he stilled.

 _You might have to accept that this case will never be solved,_ he thought to himself, and tried to calm his nervous heartbeat by controlling his breathing.

 _Inhale… exhale… inhale…_

(Light had been doing the same thing, hadn't he?)

 _exhale…_

* * *

When Ryuzaki opened his eyes an indeterminate amount of time later, he found the room submerged in darkness, the stacks of papers dim glowing shapes around him.

From the other room, he thought he could hear Misa singing.

* * *

 **Author Notes  
**

* * *

The song Misa's singing here is an English cover of the Japanese Vocaloid song "Self-Inflicted Achromatic." There are a few different English covers out there, but this one's by JubyPhonic, and is the best one I've heard.


	10. Dragging You Down With Me

**Dragging You Down With Me**

* * *

 _12th day of Light's confinement_

* * *

"Ryuzaki," said Aizawa.

Ryuzaki ignored him.

"Ryuzaki" Aizawa said again.

Ryuzaki stayed curled on the bed with his back to the door, eyes staring dully at the papers stacked in front of his face. He didn't move.

" _Ryuzaki."_ Aizawa was starting to sound irritated.

Ryuzaki couldn't bring himself to care. And if he moved, the stacks of paper around him might fall over. Then they'd need to be organized again.

" _Ryuzaki!"_ Aizawa shouted, striding over and grabbing him by the shoulder, forcefully trying to roll him over. _"Get up already!"_

The stacks of papers fell over, white sheets scattering over the comforter.

He sat up slowly, turned his head to look at Aizawa, one hand coming up to rest over his opposite shoulder where the man had grabbed him. "That hurt, you know," he said.

Aizawa's fists were clenched, his teeth gritted, eyes burning. "Then maybe you should have answered instead of ignoring me!"

"What do you want, Aizawa-san?" Ryuzaki said. "Now we have to organize the documents again."

"It's been twelve days, and the killings haven't started up again," Aizawa grit out. "How long is this going to go on?!"

"I don't know," Ryuzaki said.

"You can't just lie there and not do anything!" Aizawa shouted. "You're the one heading this investigation! You can't just shirk your duties!"

Ryuzaki turned his back to the man, started reorganizing the stack of papers that had scattered into the space he'd been lying in. "Why don't you ask Light-kun to lead the investigation?"

" _What?!"_

"It's the same thing," Ryuzaki said, straightening the stack of documents and then lying back down again, knees pulled up to his chest. "We're both just as likely to be Kira, and his deductive abilities are on par with mine, if not even better."

Aizawa stuttered behind him, incensed. "And what, you're using that as a cop-out?!"

"I'm not copping out of anything," Ryuzaki said, staring dully at the pile of papers in front of his face. "I should be locked up, too. It's not fair that Light's the only one of us who's locked in a cell, is it?"

"I thought you were the one who was supposed to be leading this investigation!"

"But I may have been leading the investigation because I was Kira," Ryuzaki said. "You're the one who's copping-out here, Aizawa, looking to me for direction. You're an adult, aren't you?" He hugged his legs tighter to his chest. "You're older than me, even."

There was a long pause. "I thought Light was more likely to be Kira than you," Aizawa said finally, voice cold, "but now I'm not so sure anymore."

"You shouldn't be," Ryuzaki said.

Aizawa stormed out of the room, and Ryuzaki stayed curled there on the bed, staring at the stack of documents.

The pile was crooked, but he didn't have the energy to move to straighten it.

* * *

" _How do you think it feels to be accused of being Kira?"_ Light had asked.

" _It feels terrible,"_ Ryuzaki had answered.

(And as always, he was right.)

* * *

Misa Amane was aware that she was hallucinating, but she didn't really mind. The hallucinations were pretty, sometimes amusing, and were a lot better than just staring at darkness all the time.

Sometimes the hallucinations were as simple as colorful flashing lights. Sometimes, though, they were more complex; floating skulls, fluttering butterflies, flower gardens, ornate Gothic buildings. She'd started seeing a robotic cat whenever her stalker would talk to her with his computerized voice, and it would chase around a mechanical mouse as it interrogated her about Kira. She found it amusing the way its ears would twitch whenever she said that she didn't know anything, and she hoped that her stalker was just as frustrated as the robotic cat she was hallucinating.

Sometimes she saw Light, too; she always liked when that happened. She knew he wasn't actually there, but seeing his image still made her feel calmer. His carefully styled hair, his warm brown eyes, his perfectly pressed slacks, collared shirt, and designer jacket, his perfectly-tied tie (he always dressed so well; appearances were incredibly important to him, and she loved that about him).

The image would smile at her before it faded away, and she would feel a surge of determination; she wasn't going to let her stalker break her! She'd heard somewhere that solitary confinement was a form of torture, after all. But no matter how she was tortured, or for how long, she would not break—and Light, when he finally got her out of there, would be so proud.

Light deserved only the best, and she was determined to be best; she would show him how strong she was, that she was worthy to be his girlfriend and stay by his side for the rest of their lives.

And so when her stalker stopped talking to her—she wished he'd interrogate her again, just to have someone to talk to, even if it was just the computerized voice of stupid stalker who was keeping her from Light and who appeared as a robot cat in her mind and who was a criminal and she hoped Kira would one day kill—she started singing.

She sang sad songs, and love songs, and sad love songs, and thought that on the bright side, when Light got her out of there, she'd be a better singer for all the practice she'd gotten.

There was still the stalker's accomplice, though, who was the one who let her out to go to the bathroom, and fed her with a spoon. It was pretty degrading, if she were honest, but she appreciated that they weren't starving her and hadn't completely forgotten about her, and she could get the accomplice to talk, a little bit. She knew he couldn't be her actual stalker because his voice sounded old, and he was far too polite—her actual stalker was really rude.

"You seem like a pretty nice person, you know," she told him, between bites. "Why are you helping Stalker-san? You seem like you're better than that."

"It's complicated," the man said. "I really am sorry about all this…"

"Why can't you do something about it, then?"

"I'm sorry…"

"All you do is apologize," she sighed. "Words are no good without actions to back them up, you know!"

The man hadn't answered; he was finicky in his responses like that. Almost as bad as Stalker-san.

(Her stalker made her really angry, sometimes, but she couldn't completely hate him; he hadn't done anything to her aside from lock her up, after all. He really just seemed like a very pitiable person, who felt he had to kidnap someone he liked just to get their attention, and had to come up with a stupid excuse about Kira in order to talk to them. He really should have just written her fanmail, or approached her and asked for an autograph.)

It was pretty sad, she thought, that this was what her life was at the moment. But she comforted herself with the knowledge that this would all be over soon, and then the memories would just seem like a bad dream, and life would go on as normal with her and Light and she would be happy. Light made her so incredibly happy.

She thought longingly of the way he smiled, the way he had kissed her, the way he sighed when he thought nobody was looking, the way his eyes lit up, the way his brow pinched up when she confused him.

She loved that she could confuse him like that; that he had such a hard time understanding how someone could love him so much, and the way he'd never tried to use her as other guys had. He didn't actually love her, yet, she knew, but that was one of the things that was so attractive about him; he wasn't like other guys: he didn't love her for her body, or for her celebrity status. He actually cared about the feelings and emotions in relationships. That was why he kept trying to push her away—he was concerned that her affections weren't real, and he didn't want to enter into a relationship with a girl he didn't love, because then he'd be using her, and he was above that.

But he cared about people's feelings, too, which was why he'd kissed her—because he knew it would make her happy—and why he'd gone out with all those other girls he didn't care about before he'd met her—because he knew it would make them happy. He didn't want to cause anyone undue pain.

And that's why she knew that once she got him to fall in love with her, they'd be perfect together. Because she wasn't like other girls—she didn't want to be with him just because he was attractive and so smart and talented that he was practically a celebrity—she'd seen and recognized the way that his 'friends' he'd been walking around with in Aoyama had treated him, the way the girls at his college had regarded him, and the way he'd acted in turn—and she didn't care about what status he could giver her. She could understand him better than any other girl could, and she loved him not because he was the famous Light Yagami but because he was _him_.

He was an actor, just like she was, and he was disconnected from others by his superior status, just like she was; but in each other she knew that they would find something real. She would show him that—unlike all those other girls—she wasn't faking an interest him, and hers wasn't a passing fancy. She would show him how genuine and forever-lasting her love for him was, and then he wouldn't have any choice but to love her back.

And she knew, even though he didn't love her yet, that he would still get her out of there—because she knew that he was the kind of nice, genuine person who wouldn't sit idly when somebody he knew be kidnapped, and because she knew that he was intelligent enough to pull off anything. He would definitely solve the case of what had happened to her and then get her out of there.

And it was because she knew that he was working to get her out that she knew she could survive anything.

She watched the hallucinations of bright, sunset-colored butterflies alight on surprisingly detailed lilies of the valley and purple snapdragons, and started singing another love song.

Her stalker had been nice enough to tell her that she could sing as much as she wanted without any consequences, but she still hoped he was awed by the fact that, even after she'd been bound there for countless days, she was still able to smile.

She doubted that the same could be said for her stalker.

* * *

Ryuzaki could hear Aizawa yelling in the other room.

"Amane is smiling for some reason, the Chief is wearing himself ragged, Light is _crying,_ and Matsuda hasn't been back for _days!_ Does Ryuzaki not care _at all?!"_

Ryuzaki couldn't make out the words of the response, but he recognized Watari's low, comforting tones.

" _That's it!"_ Aizawa shouted. "I'm fed up with this shit! I'm informing the Chief of what's going on!"

There was the low, droning murmur of Watari's voice again. _Probably advising Aizawa to be careful and wait till he's calmed down,_ Ryuzaki thought. _It's fully within his jurisdiction to inform the Yagami-san, after all, but he shouldn't take his anger out on him, especially not when Yagami-san has been in such a stressed state. The fallout of conversation suffused with such high tensions and volatile personalities isn't likely to do either of them any good, and may just make the situation worse all-around._

But despite those thoughts, Ryuzaki did not move from his place curled up on the bed.

Several minutes later, there was the sound of Watari's footsteps coming into the bedroom, the clink of a ceramic dish on the bedside table. Given that there had been no more yelling from Aizawa, it seemed that Watari had succeeded in calming him down.

 _He always has been good at that kind of thing._

"I brought you some tapioca pudding," Watari said.

"I'm not interested," Ryuzaki muttered, closing his eyes and hugging his legs closer to him.

There was a pause, and then there was the sound of stacks of papers being moved, the slight tip of the mattress as Watari sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Ryuzaki…" he ventured.

Ryuzaki just curled up tighter.

Watari sighed almost inaudibly. For several minutes they both remained as they were, silent.

Ryuzaki knew that Watari knew from experience that, when he was like this, there was nothing he could he could say that would help—aside from that another promising case had turned up.

 _But not even that would help in this case, would it?_

Finally the mattress rose slightly as Watari stood up. "Try to eat a little bit, if you can, Ryuzaki," he said, and then the sound of his footsteps retreated from the room.

 _I don't feel like it,_ Ryuzaki thought, and didn't move except to press his face harder against his knees.

He couldn't shake the feeling that he'd lost.

* * *

The migraines had, at first, made Light feel like he wanted to die—that anything would have been better than the pain. And after the painkillers had kicked in and the migraine had subsided he had felt helpless, unable to do anything but wait for the pain to return, and he had thought again that it would be better if they just executed him. He did not want to be alive just to suffer, and the overwhelming weight of hopelessness made it hard to breathe.

 _Maybe I should give up,_ he thought. _This is the end… I can't do anything… I'm going to die like this… why did I ask to be detained again?! All it did was secure Ryuzaki's victory… he agreed to this because it's the perfect way to cripple me… he probably found something to pin me down with in that conversation about Kira…_

He was furious, and if his ankles and wrists hadn't been cuffed he would have thrown the cot across the cell and punched the concrete wall, even if it would have likely broken his fingers.

But just as quickly as the fury and hopelessness overtook him it faded, because suddenly the answer was _there_ and it was so obvious he wanted to laugh.

 _No,_ he thought, _I'm securing my own victory. By asking to be detained and by my willingness to undergo this suffering, I've shown my commitment to the case. The more I suffer, the less I look like Kira._

 _It's in my advantage to suffer here. Because the more Ryuzaki is forced to ignore my suffering for the sake of the case, the more he looks like he's the one who's Kira. If the pressure becomes great enough, he might break; he's not used to dealing with people directly and facing their anger and suspicion, and he's not used to being wrong, or to having this much difficulty with his cases. He'll be painfully aware of the fact that he's lost, and the longer he waits and nothing happens the more he loses—but there's no course of action for him, either. He can't let us out at this point. He has no choice but to continue digging himself deeper._

 _That's why he asked me what my feelings on Kira are, and why he admitted everything he did—he's honestly scared of that possibility that he's Kira, or at least that everyone will come to believe that he's Kira. But he doesn't want to die, and was trying to gage my reaction not to try to determine whether or not I'm Kira, but to try to determine how I will regard him if it turns out that he is Kira, or if the rest of the Task Force decides that he is. He wanted to know if he could count on me to possibly defend him._

 _And, as long as there's even the slightest suspicion that I may actually be Kira, it would be in my best interests to do so, wouldn't it? As long as the case isn't 100% conclusive, it's in Ryuzaki and my's best interests to band together. In fact, we can't afford to be enemies—everything we could use against each other could be turned back against us just as fast, and we may end up condemning ourselves to the death row instead._

 _But that requires that we are truly on the same level of suspicion, or near enough to it. Despite my accusations, I doubt the Task Force immediately turned on him completely. It's much easier—safer and more comfortable—for them to keep believing that I'm Kira, to keep looking to Ryuzaki to lead the investigation. They're all cowards, after all; it's better for them to look to Ryuzaki for direction, because that way if the investigation fails it will all fall onto him. They won't want to take responsibility for the case themselves, and so they won't believe that he's really Kira._

 _If I'm going to get out of here without being executed, then I need to make them as suspicious of Ryuzaki as possible. I need him to break under the pressure._

So when the migraine returned and turned the world around him into an throbbing, inflamed and infected wound, Light let himself succumb to the mind-numbing pain that made him feel like he wanted to die, tears of agony trailing unbidden down his cheeks, clinging to sanity with the thought that he was dragging Ryuzaki down with him.

* * *

 **Author Notes**

* * *

It has been well-documented that deprivation of sight can cause visual hallucinations. These are different from psychotic hallucinations in that the people who have them are aware that they are hallucinations, and they are not usually disturbing in nature/do not have any correlation with a disturbed mental state in individuals affected. They range from simple flashes of light to intricate and detailed images, and are thought to be caused from neurons firing in the visual cortex, due to the hyper-sensitive state caused by significantly impaired visual circumstances (whether from being blindfolded, as in studies, or from loss of sight for medical reasons, such as in the elderly). The visuals I mentioned here for Misa are not out of line from those described in the study "Visual Hallucinations During Prolonged Blindfolding in Sighted Subjects" by Merabet et al (2004).

If you've heard any rumors about being in darkness for a certain period of time causing blindness, they are false. When Misa is unblindfolded, it will take her eyes an hour or a few to adjust to light again, and the visual hallucinations can last up to a few hours after sight has been returned, but then her eyesight will return to normal.

* * *

It has been proposed by members of the scientific community that solitary confinement for a period of over 15 days constitutes cruel and unusual punishment. Despite this, though, lengthy solitary confinements are fairly commonly used on criminals by governments...

The effects of prolonged solitary confinement have been pretty well documented and are pretty alarming, even from what little I've read, though are less so when the solitary confinement is voluntary (such as in Fox's reality game show _Solitary_ ).


	11. Chamber of Echoes

**Chamber of Echoes**

* * *

 _13th day of Light's confinement_

* * *

Ostensibly, Ryuzaki was curled on the bed sleeping. Ostensibly.

In reality, though, he guessed that he hadn't actually slept very much, if at all. He'd glance at the digital clock on the bedside table, next to the pudding, every now and then, and sometimes he noticed that he lost hours, so he presumed that perhaps he'd actually slept.

Most of the time, however, he was adrift, half-conscious, in a dark-gray fog of thoughts, sensations, and some things that he supposed were probably some emotion or another, though they were vague and difficult he identify. Since he was sure that identifying them would not prove useful to the case, which seemed to have gone cold anyway, he left them unexamined, unwilling to waste the energy it would take to do so.

His attention was better spent in the company of his thoughts, which, if not necessarily completely uninfluenced by whatever emotions might be permeating the atmosphere of his mind, were at least significantly more tangible and logical, and far more likely to help him find a way forward.

He had never failed to solve a case yet, and he wasn't about to let this one go just because he was truly stumped for once. He solved difficult cases purely for the challenge of doing so, as he often reminded others, and the more challenging this case became the more intrigued and determined he became. Only death would be able to pry his the vice-like grip of his steel-trap mind from it.

He didn't feel hungry, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten something, so he figured that he probably should. Maybe it would help him think.

Sitting up slowly, he turned to look at the bedside table, the ceramic mug covered in plastic wrap.

 _So you knew I wouldn't be eating it for a while, Watari._

Moving carefully around the stacks of papers, Ryuzaki perched on the edge of the bed and reached out, carefully undoing the plastic wrap and lifting the cup with his left hand, two fingers pressing the handle between them, and carefully picked up the silver spoon that had been laid on the napkin beside it, dipping it into the tapioca pudding and spooning a bite into his mouth.

 _It's true that the period before the Kira case was one of my longest periods of ennui since I started detective work. There had been no interesting cases to be found anywhere for months, and I did not have much hope of one occurring. I recall feeling quite delighted when I caught wind of Kira's actions and saw the tantalizing mystery in them._

The mellow, sweet creamy flavor of the pudding melted over his tongue, and he pressed the soft tapioca balls against the roof of his mouth, rolling them around till they dissolved. The tapioca pudding tasted exactly as he remembered tapioca pudding tasting, except somehow not as pleasing.

 _But if I somehow acquired Kira's killing power during that time of ennui, would I really have done something so childish and desperate as use it to kill criminals while pretending to solve the case by framing Light Yagami?_

He dipped the spoon down for another bite, only to pause, watching the pudding tremble. His gaze shifted to his hand, which was shaking minutely. He tried to still it.

 _I suppose I have to admit that something of that nature would likely occur to me, and I was indeed in such a state of Weltschmerz that I would probably have not hesitated to carry it out._

No matter how hard he tried to keep his hand still, the pudding was still trembling.

* * *

Aizawa was sitting on the couch, eyes clenched shut as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, trying to ease away the tension coiled between his eyes.

A few feet away Mogi was sitting in the armchair, dutifully keeping an eye on the monitors, as taciturn and stoic as ever.

Technically his shift was already over, but Aizawa was loath to leave. The fact that they had yet to inform the Chief of the possibility that Ryuzaki was Kira was grating at his conscience, and he wanted to tell him as soon as possible. Originally, he'd thought it would be better to wait and see if the killings started up again before deciding whether or not to tell the Chief about the theory, since it hadn't seemed very likely to him that Ryuzaki could have done all the work of being both Kira and L while framing Light, and there wasn't any proof unless the killings started up again while Light was confined.

But with every passing day that no criminals died of heart attacks and Ryuzaki became increasingly more sullen, retreating completely into the bedroom and becoming increasingly uncaring and unwilling to do anything at all while the Chief and Light suffered in their prison cells—the Chief no doubt spending the entire time agonizing about how it was almost definite that his son was a mass murderer—the more convinced Aizawa became that Ryuzaki had the potential to be Kira.

At that pointed he'd decided that Chief _had_ to be informed about how the direction of the case had changed—but, as Watari had pointed out to him, it would be better to wait for Matsuda's return to hear his report on Light and then get his opinion on what to do. As much as waiting for Matsuda to come back vexed him, Watari's points had made sense. He'd already talked it over with Mogi, and they'd decided that it was indeed the best course of action.

 _But still, I can't believe Matsuda's been gone for six days!_ Aizawa thought exasperatedly, hand moving up his face to try to rub the tension from his forehead. _Surely it doesn't take that long to do a few interviews! What the hell is he wasting time doing? I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's spent the past few days sitting in a hospital after getting hit by a car because he wasn't looking where he was going._

Even as he dwelled darkly on this thought, there was the sound of hurried footsteps out in the hall, and then Watari—Aizawa nearly jumped at hearing the old man's voice, having forgotten that he was there—was informing them that Matsuda had returned and opened the door.

"Ryuzaki, I'm back!" Matsuda cried excitedly as he came in, grinning for some inconceivable reason. "I've finally finished!"

 _Well speak of the devil,_ Aizawa thought, raising his head to look at him with narrowed eyes. _He seems fine; guess he didn't get hit by a car and hospitalized after all._

"Wow, I have so much material!" Matsuda was gushing. "I feel like I could totally actually write an article about Light now!"

 _He's giddy like my daughter when she's proud of a crayon drawing,_ thought Aizawa, a wave of irritation washing over him _(I feel like I haven't seen her in ages…)._

Matsuda paused, then, subduing somewhat as he glanced around the hotel room. "Uh, where's Ryuzaki?" he asked meekly.

 _God,_ Aizawa thought irritably, _he's like a dog who thought his master was coming home, only to realize it was a false alarm._

"Here," Ryuzaki said, stepping out of the bedroom for the first time in days, looking even worse than Aizawa remembered him looking; his hair more of a mess, his clothes more wrinkled, the dark circles beneath his eyes more pronounced. _What the hell? Hasn't he been sleeping the entire time?_

"Did you find anything interesting, Matsuda?" Ryuzaki asked, loping over to the armchair that Mogi had vacated, stepping onto the cushion and crouching backwards in the chair so that he was peeking at Matsuda over the backrest.

"Well, he's popular and seems to have a lot of friends, and everyone really likes him," Matsuda said, pulling a surprisingly thick stack of papers out from under his arm and glancing down at it, beginning to flip the pages, skimming the contents. "But at the same time, it doesn't seem like he has any _real_ friends. Everyone kind of treats him like a celebrity, you know? And there are a lot of pretty ridiculous rumors about him floating around, such as people claiming that they've heard he's actually a foreign operative and in his twenties and is only pretending to be a teenage student in order to trick and eventually infiltrate the Japanese government…"

Aizawa could feel a muscle in his brow starting to twitch.

Matsuda looked up at them, laughing slightly. "Anyways, I don't think any of them have any merit." He glanced back down at the papers again, his expression becoming more thoughtful. "Though he does seem to have had a lot of girlfriends," he continued, "but apparently he's only ever went on one or two dates with each of them, though none of the girls were bitter against him at all or anything, since apparently he 'doesn't belong to any one of them alone' but instead 'belongs to all of them,' and—"

"Matsuda!" Aizawa snapped, half-rising from his seat on the couch as he slammed a hand down on the armrest, causing everyone to look at him. "Please stop with the gossip!"

"Right, sorry," Matsuda said quickly, scratching at the back of his neck as he chuckled awkwardly. "I just thought it was interesting… sorry," he added, when Aizawa continued glowering at him.

Aizawa slowly sat back down, still glaring. "Did you find anything that suggests that he either is or isn't Kira?" he ground out. _If you literally spent the past six days doing nothing but collecting useless gossip…_ he grit his teeth.

"Well…" Matsuda said, expression sobering as he flipped through the papers again, "mostly everything everyone said suggested that he isn't. All the reports were that he's really kind to everyone and likes to help people out—apparently he's helped tutor a lot of his classmates in various subjects, and he's helped his younger sister a lot with her homework. There were no reports of him being cruel to anyone—not even from his younger sister, who claims that he's always been a great older brother and his never picked on her. Which is pretty unusual… I mean," he scratched at the back of his neck again, chuckling somewhat bashfully, "my older brothers picked on me all the time, heh heh…"

 _Matsuda, you idiot…_ Aizawa thought, hands clenching into fists at their position resting on his thighs. "So you didn't find anything suspicious at all?" he ground out through gritted teeth.

"Uhm," Matsuda said, flipping a few more pages of his report and pausing, seeming somewhat hesitant. "Well, there was _one_ incident someone recalled which I suppose could possibly be kind of suspicious… apparently once when he was in junior high school, on a field trip when his classmates were all playing Truth or Dare he was dared to climb to the top of a tree, but he refused because he said it was idiotic and too dangerous, and he didn't want to fall and break his arm. Apparently some of the other boys started calling him a coward, so he told them that if they didn't believe him then they should climb the tree themselves. So apparently one boy did, and he actually did fall and break his arm."

Matsuda scratched at the side of his face with a finger, but kept his gaze on the page, looking somewhat conflicted. "According to my informant, the creepy part was that Light had his phone out and had dialed an ambulance and was reporting the boy's injuries seconds before he actually fell and broke his arm, as well as twisting his ankle. According to my informant, he'd reported all the boy's exact injuries before they even happened, right down to which arm and which ankle."

Aizawa's jaw slackened, and he felt a chill go down his spine. "Kira's power…?" he thought aloud, mind racing. _Could it be possible he'd had the ability all that time, from such a young age…?_

"Did the boy die?" Ryuzaki broke through his thoughts, finally speaking up.

"No," Matsuda answered, looking up at them. "My informant just said it disturbed her because of how accurate he was, and the fact that he let the boy get injured and had actually egged him into doing it, rather than trying to prevent the injury from happening in the first place."

"If the boy didn't die, it couldn't have been Kira's power," Ryuzaki said. "It wouldn't make any sense for him to have had the power when he was younger, anyway, since he would surely have been using it and there would be far more suspicious occurrences related to him. My guess is that Kira started using his powers very shortly after he gained them."

"But then how did he know how the boy would be injured?" Aizawa asked, unable to ignore the sick feeling coiled tightly in his gut. "And why didn't he stop him?"

"That's not that strange," Ryuzaki said, tilting his head to glance over at him with unimpressed dark eyes. "It's not that hard to guess the kinds of injuries one will get falling out of a tree, and he probably knew the boy well enough to know such things about him as whether he was left- or right-handed, which would make it easier to guess which arm would break, for example."

Ryuzaki's dark gaze moved up to the ceiling, and he pressed a thumb to his lips. "As for why he didn't stop the boy," he continued, "it would probably have been a useless endeavor—it's difficult to talk sense into boys of that age, and nobody would have believed him. If he wanted people to listen to him in the future, though, then making that prediction and having it be proved correct would give him the authority to possibly prevent similar incidences in the future, since his peers would be more likely to take his word for something. Also, calling for an ambulance even before the boy fell would just mean that the ambulance would get there faster, and the boy would be treated sooner. So if this story is true, it speaks more to Light's strategic ability and good will then anything else."

Ryuzaki moved his thumb from his lip, looking at them. "Still, though, the problem with interviewing people is that memories are fallible and prone to distortion," he pointed out, "so this report may have been exaggerated, or even unknowingly partially fabricated by the informant. As such, we should take it with a grain of salt."

Aizawa stared at him. _You really saw nothing creepy about that story…?_

"Uh, yeah," Matsuda said awkwardly. "Anyways, that was basically it, for suspicious stuff." He shrugged. "Light really just seems to be a normal teenager, aside from his unusual maturity and intelligence. I do have transcripts of all my interviews, though," he said, indicating the stack of papers in his hand, "if you want to look through it."

"Yes, I will do that," Ryuzaki said, standing up on the chair and stepping over the armrest to the floor, taking the papers from Matsuda's grasp, holding them in front of him between his thumb and forefinger as he did with everything else.

Ryuzaki took a step but then paused, his other hand grasping the back of the armchair. "Oh, but Watari…"

"Yes, Ryuzaki?" Watari said from where he'd been standing behind Aizawa, nearly causing him to jump again. _Goddamnnit, Watari's too quiet! It creeps me out!_

"I think there's something wrong with me," Ryuzaki said, and Aizawa could practically feel the way everyone turned at the same time to stare at him in shock. _Wait, what?_

Watari was the only one who seemed unruffled by the statement. "What is it?" he asked patiently.

"I feel…" Ryuzaki paused, thinking. "Dizzy and nauseated," he decided on finally. "And my heart is beating oddly fast." He ignored the rest of them completely, directing his attention only to Watari. "It is somewhat disturbing."

"It sounds like symptoms of low blood sugar," Watari answered easily, sounding almost as if he'd expected it. "Which would make sense, since you've barely eaten anything in the last four days."

Ryuzaki blinked at him. "It's been that long?"

"You have no internal clock or concept of time," Watari said under his breath, so quietly that Aizawa doubted he would have heard it had the older man not been standing close behind him.

Apparently Ryuzaki had had no trouble at all hearing it, though. "So you've said," he stated, and glanced up at the ceiling for a moment. "Very well," he said, gaze shifting back to Watari. "I'll try to eat something. Not the pudding, though. There's something wrong with it."

"Something wrong with it?" Watari asked.

"Yes," Ryuzaki said, and met his gaze with dark, grave eyes. "It won't stop shaking."

 _What the hell?_ Aizawa thought.

"I see," said Watari decorously, after a pause. "I will procure something else for you, then."

"Thank you very much," Ryuzaki said. "Now if you'll all excuse me," he held up the papers he was still holding between his thumb and forefinger, "I'll go read through these in the bedroom."

With that Ryuzaki let go of the armchair and loped across the room, still holding the papers in front of him, and disappeared around the door frame into the other room.

For several moments everyone was still and silent. Watari was the first one to move, heading for the door that led to the hall.

"…What was that?" Matsuda asked finally, voice cautious.

Watari paused with his hand on the doorknob. "Ryuzaki isn't very good at taking care of himself," he said.

"Evidently not…" Aizawa muttered, rubbing a hand over his forehead.

"If you will excuse me, I will return shortly," Watari said, and slipped out of the room, the door shutting with a click behind him.

"So being a genius comes with some drawbacks, huh?" Matsuda said thoughtfully, glancing over at the bedroom where the detective had disappeared. "I guess even Ryuzaki is human…"

Aizawa couldn't help looking over at the monitor showing Light's cell, the youth sitting on the floor with his knees drawn up, staring out at nothing. _Being a genius comes with drawbacks, huh?_ he thought.

"That's pretty strange, though, that he hasn't been eating much lately," Matsuda continued, scratching at the side of his cheek, brow furrowed. "I swear he's almost always eating some sweet of some sort."

"Well, he's probably depressed now that he's also been accused of being Kira," Aizawa shrugged.

"Yeah..." Matsuda said, trailing off. "Can't blame him. I mean, it's got to be hard.. being accused of being a mass murderer..."

"Yeah," Aizawa said flatly. _Especially if you **are**_ _the mass murderer..._

Looking away from Matsuda's irritatingly forlorn expression, he glanced at the monitor showing Chief Yagami's cell, the man hunched over in the foldable chair with his head in his hands. "All that's left now is to inform the Chief…"

* * *

Ryuzaki could hear the Task Force talking from where he was curled on the bed among all the papers.

It wasn't a very interesting conversation, though, and he quickly grew tired of listening to it. (If only they'd leave so that there would be some _silence_ so he could _think—_ )

 _If I was indeed Kira and orchestrated all this, what would have been my game plan?_ he wondered, biting at the nail of his thumb. _It's difficult to objectively analyze myself in that way… I don't_ _ **want**_ _to have been Kira, because at this rate that would mean I'd probably end up executed… although even if Light was Kira I may end up dead anyway…_

He glanced down at Matsuda's report laying on the bed in front of him, taking the first page by the corner with two fingers and flipping carefully, scanning the overview. _Matsuda really went all out on this assignment,_ he thought. _It looks like, aside from of course Soichiro Yagami, he's interviewed nearly everyone who could possibly be connected to Light in any way. His deductive skills aren't great, but he does seem to excel at tasks involving the careful navigation of conversations and social situations—more so than anyone else here, except perhaps for Light._

Ryuzaki flipped to the first page of interview transcripts. _I doubt that there's anything in this report that will suggest that Light either is Kira or is not, but anything I can learn about Light could prove useful for figuring out the way that he thinks, which could help me determine what, if he were Kira, his game plan would be. And if I can figure out what his strategy would be, it should help me determine more objectively what would be my own, and any similarities or differences between what strategies we would use could help me figure out where to go from here in solving this case._

The conversation in the other room long tuned out, Ryuzaki began reading.

So absorbed was he in his task that when Watari entered and set a plate of fruit and cheesecake beside him, he ate it on autopilot and noted neither the sweetness of the flavors nor the minute, practically imperceptible shaking of his hand.

* * *

Matsuda's eyes were wide in disbelief. "Wait, you haven't told the Chief yet?"

"I was going to," Aizawa said, "but Watari advised me to wait until both you and Mogi returned." He grit his teeth and clenched his fists on his thighs. "I hate that we've been keeping it from him for the past few days."

"Yeah…" Matsuda said, glancing at the screen, expression troubled. "But it's going to be hard to break it to him, isn't it? I mean, I'm sure he'll be glad that the likelihood of his son's guilt has decreased, but he was also the one who said that he trusts Ryuzaki with his life… to have both his love for his son and his trust in Ryuzaki compromised…"

"But he deserves to know," Aizawa stated firmly. "The fact that Ryuzaki could also be Kira has completely changed the course of the case, after all, and we promised that we'd fill him in on any and all developments." He sat up straighter, looking first Mogi and then Matsuda in the eyes. "Informing him is the right thing to do."

"I agree," Mogi said.

"Yeah…" Matsuda said, sighing. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sure the Chief would want to know." He paused. "But, uh, who's going to be the one to tell him?" He chuckled nervously, scratching at the back of his neck. "The Chief can be really scary when he's worked up… so, you know, I'd rather not…"

"I'll do it," Aizawa said, standing up and walking over to the vacant armchair in front of the microphones.

"Okay!" Matsuda said enthusiastically. "You can do this, Aizawa-san!" He clapped the the impassive Mogi on one of the man's broad shoulders, giving Aizawa a grin and a thumbs-up. "Mogi-san and I will be your emotional support!"

Aizawa's finger hovered over the button that would turn on the speakers to the Chief's cell. "Matsuda," he ground out, " _shut up."_

* * *

Soichiro Yagami knew that he—and Light, his son, who was also very probably the _single greatest mass murderer the world had seen—_ had been confined for only thirteen days, but _god_ it felt like longer.

It felt like _weeks, months_ since he'd been confined— _months_ since he'd asked to be confined lest he do something terrible; _months_ since his son had asked to be confined to try to make sure he hadn't been doing something terrible—nothing to do but sit and pace and sit and pace and sit and pace as the certainty that his son was Kira grew stronger with each passing second that no more criminals died from heart attacks, wondering _how this could have happened,_ thoughts and worries and suspicions and doubts and fears hounding him endlessly.

Soichiro wouldn't be surprised if all his hair was gray by the time he got out—assuming that Light wasn't Kir—that he would have to ki—him, and then—himself—that—assuming—he even had peace of mind or time enough to look in a mirror—before he—assuming that—that Light was—was Kir—that—

Light, his son, his only son, his perfect son who'd been his pride and joy; had always been so intelligent, always at the very top of not just his class but the entire nation, maybe even the world; yet had always been so kind, so thoughtful, always offering a smile or a helping hand; had always been so—

 _(—so intense, at times, a certain aloofness, a certain hint of coldness that would appear for moments so brief as to be almost imagined, but certainly it was only that Light had had a stressful day, or a headache, or a childish fit or teenage impulse, that only seemed so alarming in contrast to how mature and kind and collected he was the vast majority of the time—certainly they were not, could not, have been hints of a murderer in the making—)_

No, Light could not been Kira _(not consciously, no, no way could he have been Kira consciously, not when he asked to be confined to make sure that he wasn't, not when he was so distressed about the murders and so intent on capturing the killer and having him executed—but unconsciously, could he be…? Was there a split personality that had developed in Light and which he had no conscious awareness of? A second Light that had all of his intelligence but none of his kindness, but who was indistinguishable from the first?)_

Kira was evil, and to have a son who was—for his son to be K—to be ev—that would—he would—

But Kira could be no ordinary human, not with those supernatural killing powers. How had Kira _(how would Light have)_ obtained such terrible, evil power? _(Such power was not just evil but Evil itself, maybe enough to corrupt the kindest, most thoughtful person, and if—if Light were Kir—if there was a split personality in Light who—would that other him have developed after he gained such power, in a protective response against it, or had it always been present and only after he'd gained the killing power it began to make itself known?)_

Thirteen days since Light had been confined, and still no killings—then it had to be—no, it couldn't be, not _Light—_ but somehow it was—Ryuzaki, L, the greatest detective in the world, said—there wasn't any other solution—there was no one else it could be—all the facts lined up—and Ryuzaki was had never been wrong—if he deduced that Light was Kir—then Light was—it had to be Light, as Ryuzaki said—all the facts ligned he knew it had to be—but yet—

 _No,_ it _couldn't_ be Light, not _Light_ who always got a hundred percent on his tests, who always ranked top on national exams; Light who always helped his younger sister, who had never once picked on her, not even when they were younger and it was perfectly normal for siblings to quarrel; who helped the police with difficult cases, who had such a strong sense of justice, who knew that murder was always wrong no matter how bad the person was—

No, Light may have been Kira—he trusted Ryuzaki's judgment, knew that the world's greatest sleuth was a more intelligent man than he, and _all the facts lined up_ —but _Light_ could not be Kira _. (If he was, then—then there had to be some kind of split personality, some kind of—but even then, he'd—would there be any way to help him? Or was—if he had a split personality who was Kir—in order to stop that side of him they'd need to ki—he'd have to di—even if there was a kind side of him, they'd have to—it was the only way—either that or lock him in a padded cell, and that—no, that, for Light to have to live with the evil side of him like that, that would certainly be even worse that death—)_

No, he was getting ahead of himself. There was—it had only been thirteen days. Surely there was—surely there had to be _some way_ that Light could still not be Kir—surely there was someone else who could—surely that person could just coincidentally be taking a break from the killings—surely there was—was a way that—that Ryuzaki, L, the world's greatest detective, was somehow wrong—that Light could still not be Kir—

 _(Light was his son—was he being biased? Were these vain hopes? Would he be having these doubts if it were anyone else? There was no proof, only suspicion, but—the killings had stopped when Light was confined, and that—was that enough proof? Would that be enough proof if it were someone else, anybody else, besides Light? Would he be anywhere near this conflicted?)_

No, he—he was—not thinking rationally—he was too biased, this case was—he was getting too caught up in his role as a father—he wasn't acting as a police chief—this was why he'd asked to be detained, he couldn't trust himself—he had no way of knowing what was doubt stemming from a sense of justice and lack of evidence and what was doubt due to the fact that this was his son—his son, his only son—he couldn't—he didn't—he didn't _want_ his son to be Kir—to be-so he—if Light _was_ , then—but even if Light _wasn't_ , could he—if they didn't find the real killer—assuming that Light wasn't, then—or if he was—or—if there was even the slightest doubt, the slightest possibility that Light could be Kir—then—if there was even the _slightest_ chance that Light could be Kir—a mass murderer—how could he—

 _(—how could he ever look at his son the same way again? How could he face his wife, his daughter, with the knowledge of even the slightest doubt? Even if they—somehow—found that Kira wasn't Light, and proved it—proved that Light wasn't Kir—had never been, then—even if that happened, would he—would he ever be able to look at Light the way he had before? Would he ever be rid of the suspicion that Light could be—that maybe he wasn't—that those brief moments when he seemed somehow distant—that those were really northing to be alarmed about? That there wasn't any possibility of a split personality in Light who'd be capable of such a thing?)_

Ryuzaki was a far more intelligent man than he, especially in matters of deduction and crime—and not only that, but, unlike him, Ryuzaki was unbiased—Ryuzaki had no relation to Light, and would not be blinded by his feelings—Ryuzaki's judgment was far more trustworthy than his own—so if Ryuzaki deduced that Light was Kira, then—then Light had to be—

Sitting and pacing and sitting and pacing and sitting and pacing, the thoughts and worries and suspicions and doubts and fears, the thoughts going around and around and around, hounding him doggedly, getting him absolutely nowhere, the same thoughts over and over and over—he _knew_ his thoughts were getting him nowhere, he _knew_ that, _knew_ that they weren't helping anything—but he couldn't stop. _How could he stop, when his son could be Kir—when he could be father to a—?!_

* * *

"Chief, there's been a development."

"What?!" Soichiro leapt to his feet to stare at the camera, overturning his chair in his haste, heart pounding in his chest and adrenalin rushing in his veins. "Aizawa? What is it?! Good news?! Bad news?! Have the killings started up again?! Where's Ryuzaki?! He wasn't killed was he?!"

"No, the killings haven't started up again. And Ryuzaki is alive, he's just in the bedroom right now (probably sleeping or sulking or something)."

His mind settled slightly even as his heart plummeted. "Then Light is still…"

"The suspicion against Light has decreased somewhat"

His heart gave a jump. "What?!"

"According to Ryuzaki, the probability that Light is Kira is now down to 50 percent."

Hope seized him with its talons, piercing his chest. "Why?! Did something happen?!"

"Yeah… Light deduced that all the evidence against him implicates Ryuzaki just as much. So basically, it's down to a 50 percent chance that Light is Kira because there's a 50 percent chance that Ryuzaki is Kira."

His blood ran cold. _"What?!"_

"Yeah. And according to them, there is absolutely no way to determine which of them it was, since whoever it is no longer has their memories of being Kira. So basically, the case is cold and can't go anywhere unless the killings start up again, which, if what they propose is true, will probably never happen."

" _WHAT?!"_ He could barely breathe, his jaw agape, heart pounding in his ears and blood running so cold that it burned. His jaw worked, but he couldn't speak, his entire body petrified, thoughts a blinding white blank.

What.

Did.

That.

What.

 _Wait._

What?

" _Aizawa, what do you mean?!"_ he demanded when the hot whiteness started to crack and his thoughts started to leak back through again, growing from drops into trickles, then into streams that grew steadily stronger until his thoughts were like huge waterfalls pouring down on him and he couldn't voice his questions as fast as they were coming.

" _What does that mean?!"_ he demanded, voice rising with the pounding of his heartbeat in his ears. " _What do you mean that one of them is Kira, but they don't know who/! How is that even possible?! You're saying that either my son is Kira or we've been following Kira's orders this entire time?! You mean that we can't trust Ryuzaki anymore?! But I can't trust my son either?! If Ryuzaki is just as likely to be Kira than Light is then who's running the investigation?! If the killings don't start up again but we don't know which of them is Kira then how do we solve the case and bring Kira to justice?! Are you saying that we'll never be able to know who Kira is?! Does that mean we have to execute both Light and Ryuzaki?! But we can't do that if one of them is innocent! But we can't let Kira go either! So we just lock them up indefinitely?! What did Light say?! What did Ryuzaki say?! What's going on?!"_

He finally paused for breath, panting heavily, sweat trickling down his face, waiting for an answer.

But all he received was a maddening silence, and the longer the silence went on the more difficult it became to breathe.

" _Aizawa, what is the meaning of this?!"_ he demanded.

"Please calm yourself, Yagami-san," came Ryuzaki's voice, and Soichiro stilled, heart pounding in his ears. "The killings will definitely start up again."

* * *

 **Author Notes**

* * *

If Soichiro's section felt choppy, repetitive, and kinda frustrating - good. It was supposed to.

* * *

Signs and symptoms of non-diabetic hypoglycemia (low blood pressure) include:

\- Blurred vision or changes in vision  
\- Dizziness, lightheadedness, or shakiness  
\- Fatigue and weakness  
\- Fast or pounding heartbeat  
\- Sweating more than usual  
\- Headache  
\- Nausea or hunger  
\- Anxiety, Irritability, or confusion

 _(information from drugs dot com)_


	12. Double-Edged (S)Words

**Double-Edged (S)Words**

* * *

"I'm really glad I'm not the one telling the Chief…" Matsuda said quietly, watching the way Aizawa grew more tense with each of Chief Yagami's exclamations, and though Mogi did not reply, he silently agreed.

"So basically," Aizawa told the Chief, "the case is cold and can't go anywhere unless the killings start up again, which will probably never happen, since neither of them would start killing anyone, even if they were able to, while being watched."

"That's not true."

They all turned to see Ryuzaki step out from the bedroom, meeting their gazes confidently, and even Mogi could tell what a stark contrast it was from his demeanor earlier.

"What?" Aizawa said. "Ryuzaki! What are you talking about?"

" _Aizawa, what is the meaning of this?!"_ Chief Yagami was demanding, starting to rattle off question after question. Mogi glanced at the monitor; it disturbed him to see the Chief in such an agitated state.

Ryuzaki crossed the room to the armchair, leaning forward to speak into the mic: "Please calm yourself, Yagami-san. The killings will definitely start up again." He was still speaking into the mic, but he was looking over at them as he added: "Likely any day now."

" _What?! What do you mean, Ryuzaki?!"_ Chief Yagami demanded.

"Earlier you said you didn't know how long it would be!" Aizawa added, glowering at the detective. Mogi wasn't sure that Aizawa had ever liked Ryuzaki very much.

Ryuzaki stepped onto the cushion of the armchair and crouched there, pulling back from the mic to look over at them. "I was just sulking earlier," he said. He leaned forward again so the mic would catch his voice. "The killings will most definitely start up again. I am certain of it."

"What makes you say that?" Matsuda asked—rather eagerly, Mogi thought.

"Because either I or Light-kun is Kira," Ryuzaki stated, like it was a fact, despite their having no evidence against either. (But maybe to Ryuzaki, whose deductive abilities were far above Mogi's own, it was indeed a fact.) "And if either of us were Kira, we would definitely orchestrate things so that the killings would start up again. We wouldn't let it end at this. We wouldn't give up the killing power and our memories of it without transferring the power to someone else in such a way that the suspicion would be forced away from us, giving us the opportunity to regain the killing power and our memories at a later time. We both hate losing, after all. If things were left as they are, it would be a loss for us. So it definitely won't be left at this."

" _Then…_ _"_ Chief Yagami trailed off. Mogi thought that perhaps the Chief's expression might be something akin to shellshock.

"Please be patient, Yagami-san," Ryuzaki said evenly. "We will definitely expose the killer, even if it's me." He clicked the button to turn of the mic to Chief Yagami's cell, then, but remained perched at the edge of the chair.

"Ryuzaki…" Matsuda said, looking somewhat hurt, for some unknowable reason.

Aizawa was rubbing his face, and his tone was acrid. "You must realize that you can't expect us to believe that, Ryuzaki."

Ryuzaki looked at them with dark, unreadable eyes. "If you don't believe me, then we should ask Light-kun. I'm sure he'll come to the same conclusion." His finger hovered over the switch that would turn on the mic to Light's cell. "May I?"

Aizawa and Matsuda both looked at him, for some reason, as if looking for his approval—when he'd become the authority on this, Mogi had no idea—so he nodded slightly to indicate that he didn't see a problem with it. If Light concluded the same thing, it would certainly give Ryuzaki's theory more weight—and if what Ryuzaki said was true, there may yet be something in the case for them to work with.

Ryuzaki was watching them, waiting.

Aizawa turned from Mogi to look back at the detective. "Go ahead…"

* * *

"Light-kun."

Light glanced up at the sound of Ryuzaki's voice, fixing his state on the camera and smiling through the dull throb behind his eyes, letting his weariness show. "It's been a while since I've heard from you, Ryuzaki."

"I am sorry about that."

 _I'm sure,_ Light thought sarcastically, but kept any trace of the thought from his face. "Has anything happened?" he asked, making sure to appear eager. "Have the killings started up again?"

"They have not; and that's exactly the problem."

 _It is a problem, isn't it?_ Light lowered his gaze and slumped his shoulders slightly, letting his entire demeanor sober. "I see." _The case must be feeling quite cold at this point. What are you going to do about that, Ryuzaki? You must be taking it rather hard, as unused to failure as you are. Are you starting to break under the pressure yet, I wonder?_

"Tell me, Light-kun: do you believe thee killings will start up again?"

 _Oh? So that's your question?_ "How could I know?" Light said as he glanced back up at the camera, keeping his expression neutral, adding just a touch of exasperation to the line of his eyebrows. "I'm not Kira, after all." _Exactly what are you trying to get out of me, Ryuzaki? You can't think I would answer a question like that so carelessly._

"Let's just say, for the purpose of this hypothetical, that you were Kira. If you were Kira and lost your memories of it, would it be by your own will, or by someone else's?"

 _Such a pointed question. You obviously know what I'm going to say, Ryuzaki—you're leading me towards something. That's fine, though: I'll bite. I'm interested to see where you take me with this._ "If I were Kira," he said, "it would be by my own will."

"And if you willingly gave up your memories, why would that be?"

 _Oh, I get it now,_ Light thought. "So that you couldn't trick any information out of me, and there would be no evidence to convict me with." He smiled slightly at the camera. _I'll go where you want me to with this, Ryuzaki._ "Though if I were Kira, I don't think I would give up so easily. I doubt I would simply get rid of my memories and killing power and then leave it at that."

He paused, waiting for Ryuzaki to prompt him further.

"Then how would you have planned on proceeding?"

 _There you go._ Light closed his eyes and looked down, pretending to be thinking. _As if I haven't thought about this already._ "Likely, I would have orchestrated things so that the killing power would transfer to someone else," he said after a moment, opening his eyes and looking back at the camera. "That way, suspicion would be moved away from me, and you would have to let me out to help you catch the new Kira. It would give me an opportunity to make you trust me. And I would have things planned so that the killing power would eventually return to me and I would regain my memories."

He kept his gaze on the dark eye of the lens. _Here it comes…_

"So do you think the killings will start up again?"

 _Just as I thought._ "Yes," he said, without hesitation. _And now it's my turn, Ryuzaki._ He tilted his head slightly. "And I presume, given how you lead me to make that conclusion, that you've come to the same about yourself?"

There was a slight pause, before Ryuzaki answered: "Yes."

Light suppressed the urge to smile. _I was wondering if there was a way to drag you down further to my level, and here you've now handed it to me on a silver platter. It's almost too perfect… indeed, it_ _ **is**_ _too perfect. Which must mean that you've come to the same conclusion, haven't you, Ryuzaki? But it's not very well something you could suggest to the Task Force yourself, that you be locked away as well. But by giving me this opportunity…_

He narrowed his eyes at the camera. "So you wanted me to come to the same conclusion both to support your theory that the killings will start up again, and also so that when they do, we will both be under the same suspicion since we both anticipated it," he said, tone accusatory.

"As always, Light-kun's deductions are remarkably accurate."

 _So I was right; this is the outcome you wanted._ "Then I can assume that the Task Force has been getting impatient, and starting to despair that the killings will never start up again and this may be a lost cause," he continued.

A slight pause, and then: "Something like that."

Light could practically see Ryuzaki glancing at the other members of the Task Force as he said that; no doubt they were shifting uncomfortably.

"Which would be unfortunate for both of us…" Light sighed, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, as if the mere idea of it made him all kinds of weary. "If they stopped monitoring us and the killings started up again we would both be placed under more suspicion, after all, and it would severely hinder our ability to catch the new Kira because we'd have to prove our current innocence all over again…"

"It would, wouldn't it?" Ryuzaki's voice was nearly a murmur over the speaker.

Light righted his head and opened his eyes again. "Well, no matter which of us was Kira, we shouldn't have to wait much longer for them to start up again," he said reasonably. "I can't imagine either of us would have wanted this to go on for this long."

"I agree, Light-kun."

 _Perfect._ "And if that's the case," he continued, keeping his tone light, thoughtful, his gaze on the ground, "and the killings could start up again any day now… it would be most advantageous for you to be in the same position as me, so that there can be no doubt of your current innocence." He paused for a moment, theatrically, before nodding slightly to himself and looking back up at the camera. "So you should be locked up just like I am, shouldn't you, Ryuzaki?" _And now I have you hook, line, and sinker; I don't think you could get out of this, Ryuzaki, even if you wanted to._

"That would be best, yes," Ryuzaki said, and Light almost smiled. "That way we can both start to work on the case as soon as the killings start up again, without wasting time trying to determine if I was somehow able to kill people from here."

Light tilted his head, made a show of thinking. "So I assume that I'll be moved to a different cell, then?" he said, after a pause. "I imagine you'll still want to be able to ask me questions as you wish, and we are the ones best qualified to watch each other for suspicious actions, since we are the ones with our lives at stake if we're convicted as Kira." _Should I push a little more_ _…_ _? Might as well, since I've already come this far._ "I assume that this means we are now under equal suspicion," he added, "and thus that it would make sense if the Task Force couldn't contact one of us without contacting the other."

"Yes, I agree."

 _Looks like I've fully succeeded in dragging you down to my level._ Light finally let himself smile. "I look forward to seeing you again, Ryuzaki." _Let us see who wins this, shall we?_

* * *

"I look forward to seeing you again, Ryuzaki." Light was smiling, and the expression even almost seemed to reach his eyes—but the weariness did not leave his slightly slumped form, and he subtly rolled his shoulders and wiped away a wince, gathering himself quickly. "Let's solve this case together!" False cheer in his voice; strong undertones of irony like the coffee flavor in a tiramisu cake—no doubt even Matsuda could detect it. Everything about Light radiated the aura of someone trying desperately to make the best of a difficult situation.

"Indeed," Ryuzaki murmured. "I look forward to working with you again, Light-kun." He clicked the switch, turning off the mic to the cell. _You truly are impressive, Light Yagami; I barely had to guide you into affirming my theory on the killings, and I didn't have to prompt you at all into suggesting my detainment. It's still uncanny to have found someone who can follow my thinking so closely…_

"Wait, so…" Matsuda started.

Ryuzaki glanced over at him. "Yes, Matsuda?"

"We're really detaining you as well?" Matsuda looked almost comically distraught. "That's…"

"No, it makes sense," Aizawa spoke up, straightening his shoulders, a determined look on his face. "If both you and Light are equally likely to be Kira, it makes sense for you to both be confined. Though as for your theory about the killings starting up again…"

"I can't believe they both said basically exactly the same thing," Matsuda murmured, before letting out a frustrated cry and clutching his hair as he shook his head vehemently. "Aaaaah! This all makes my brain hurt! One of you is Kira but neither of you _seem_ like the kind of people who would be Kira!"

"I'm not so certain of that…" Aizawa's eyes were narrowed.

Matsuda was shaking slightly, his face hidden behind his hands. "I thought you and Light were my friends, Ryuzaki… I really thought we were all on the same side…"

"Well, at least one of us still is," Ryuzaki pointed out. Although, by the look Aizawa shot him, perhaps it hadn't been that consoling of a comment.

Matsuda looked up through his fingers. "But…"

"I agree that I should be confined," Ryuzaki said, deciding to bypass the sentimentalities and skip straight to the point. "I don't exactly trust myself anymore."

"You seemed pretty certain the killings will start up again," Aizawa said, eyes still narrowed.

"Well, I'm confident about _that,"_ Ryuzaki said, meeting the man's gaze unflinchingly. "I just can't be confident that it was Light rather than myself who was Kira. Those are two different variables which are not interlocked together, and as thus they are not subject to the same measure of certainty."

Aizawa looked like he was about to say something else, but Watari broke in with "A couple cells are being prepared," his hand slipping his cellphone back into his pocket as he crossed back over to them from where he'd been hovering at the other side of the room. "They will be ready for Ryuzaki and Light to be transferred to them presently."

"Thank you, Watari," Ryuzaki said.

"Aaaaahh!" Matsuda whimpered again, distracting Ryuzaki's gaze from the monitors. "I don't like this!"

"Whoever said you had to like anything!" Aizawa snapped at him.

"Please calm yourselves," Watari said, holding up his hands placidly, his inclination for conflict-defusing kicking in. "This is a trying time for everyone, but we must strive to keep our wits about us."

"Sorry…" Matsuda said, lowering his hands from his face and looking at them somewhat guiltily.

Aizawa just looked away and grit his teeth, fists clenching at his sides.

Mogi, for his part, was as reticent and stoic as ever. _Mogi really is impressive,_ Ryuzaki thought, biting slightly at his thumb. _I doubt even someone professionally trained in information extraction would be able to get anything out of him._

Ryuzaki glanced back at the monitors. Chief Yagami was pacing his cell; Misa appeared to be sleeping; Light had slumped back against the cot like he'd been exhausted by their conversation. _Something doesn't sit quite right with me… but still, my confinement is necessary for us to begin working on the case again immediately following the renewal of the killings. Because they_ _ **will**_ _start up again. Of that I am quite certain._

 _And after that… well._ He removed his thumb from his mouth as Light looked up at the masked officers who had just stepped into his cell, the brisk footsteps audible over the monitors very similar to the ones which had just come to a stop outside the hotel door. _At the very least, things should certainly get interesting._

Watari was at the door immediately, opening it and emitting a couple masked officers. Ryuzaki stood in his chair and stepped over the armrest, crossing over to them and compliantly holding out his wrists. _Whatever it takes,_ _I will most definitely solve this case…_

The cold metal of a handcuff was snapped around one wrist, and he was turned around, the other cuff locking his hands together behind him, a blindfold wrapping around his eyes and turning the world black.

 _(…even if it kills me.)_

* * *

Matsuda watched with a sinking feeling in his gut as Ryuzaki was taken away, blindfolded and handcuffed and just as self-composed as Light had been.

Matsuda raised a hand slightly, opened his mouth, meant to call out an optimistic goodbye—maybe something along the lines of "See you, Ryuzaki! I'm sure this is only temporary, and we'll figure out the truth together when you and Light come back!"—but the words died a premature death in his throat, and it was all he could do not to choke on the bitterness as he swallowed them down.

Watari immediately moved to the monitors, setting them up to show the new cells Light and Ryuzaki were going to be confined in—the cell Light had been in previously was now empty, looking strangely green-gray and dead, and Matsuda couldn't help but breathe a slightly breath of relief when the image shut off into a simple black screen, only for his breath to hitch when the new cells appeared, looking much the same except for being separated only by a series of bars, no real wall between them.

Matsuda shifted his gaze to Watari's face—surely Watari was hurting from this new development, since the man so obviously cared for Ryuzaki like a son—but his genteel old features were as composed as ever. It somehow made Matsuda feel worse—he barely knew Ryuzaki and Light, and yet here he was, barely able to keep himself from breaking down.

" _Crybaby"—_ he could hear the echoes of his brothers' teasing in his ears.

Matsuda clenched his eyes shut, hands fisting at his sides. He wasn't going to cry—not over something like this—no matter how much it hurt.

He wanted to believe—he wanted _so badly_ to believe—that neither Light nor Ryuzaki were really Kira. There was no proof, after all—absolutely no real proof at all—and everything they were saying were merely baseless conjectures. Sure, their theories were plausible, but certainly there had to be other theories that were just as plausible as well…

But still, there was admittedly the fact that the killings stopped after Light was confined…

Matsuda shook himself, opening his eyes to glance at Misa's cell, because Misa—such a cheerful, bubbly girl, and yet they had _hard proof_ that she'd been the Second Kira. How did someone like that become a murderer? And if someone like _that_ could be the Second Kira, then didn't that mean that someone like Light or Ryuzaki, no matter how nice and committed to justice they seemed, could easily be Kira? But yet, maybe it was those qualities exactly that made them capable of being Kira, someone who killed criminals to try to make the world a better place…

Matsuda knew he shouldn't think it—knew he wasn't supposed to think it—but there was still that small, niggling doubt deep in Matsuda's chest, that perhaps—just perhaps—they were doing the wrong thing by trying to capture Kira… Kira had only killed hardened criminals and those who tried to stop him, after all, and the crime rate around the world had decreased significantly due to Kira's actions… (and now, with Kira gone, the crime rate had gone back up again—had, in fact, rocketed past previous levels, and how were they going to get the crime rate down to Kira levels without, well… without Kira?)

And sure, the Second Kira—Misa Amane—had killed some innocent people, but… Matsuda got the feeling she wasn't really a _bad_ person… just a Kira sympathizer who ended up with the same power and was trying to help her idol, just didn't know how to do it very well… she was a murderer, but… her parents had been murdered, so her hatred of criminals made sense, and she… well… Matsuda knew he was an idiot, but he'd always thought he had a good instinct for judging people's characters, and _Misa did not seem like a bad person._

And Light and Ryuzaki didn't seem like bad people, either…

" _You trust people too much, Touta"_ —his mother's words echoing in his ears, this time— _"_ _It's both your strength and your weakness."_

Matsuda glanced at the others, but Mogi was as much of an impassive brick wall as usual, and Aizawa was sitting on the couch and glaring down at the floor, with that air about him like he'd start yelling at the next person who tried to talk to him.

Matsuda suddenly felt a wave of weariness and exhaustion crash over him. Whether it was because of the new development of Ryuzaki possibly being Kira, or because he'd spent the last six days hunting down everyone he could who was connected to Light and interviewing all of them (if he were being completely honest with himself, he'd really enjoyed that assignment—he'd felt like he was doing something useful for the case—though now he doubted how much use it had actually been—and he'd enjoyed talking to everyone and hearing all about Light…), he didn't know.

But whatever the cause, he suddenly felt like doing nothing but collapsing onto his bed and falling asleep—he just needed to stop thinking about all this and to get out of this hotel room with its uncommunicative occupants and depressing atmosphere, and just… just sleep.

Stammering out an excuse, he hurriedly left.

* * *

Aizawa didn't even bother to look at Matsuda as he left— _Really, Matsuda? 'I need to go water my plants, they're probably starting to die of dehydration by now'? That's the best excuse you could come up with?—_ keeping his gaze on the floor between his feet.

 _So now both Light and Ryuzaki are locked up, huh? It's definitely safest. But their theory about the killings starting up again soon…. They must be idiots if they really believe that just because only one of them is Kira that means we should believe something that they both agree on, or that their agreement somehow makes it less suspicious. If they're both equally capable of being Kira, then that means that if either of them somehow got the killing power in the future, whether or not they had it before, they could become Kira. Doesn't that mean we should just execute both of them and be done with it?_

 _But no, that's wrong… we can't start executing people for crimes that they have the potential to commit—that would be like some kind of sick dystopia. We'd be no better than Kira—no, in fact, we'd be_ _ **worse**_ _than Kira._

His fingers knotted in his frizzy hair, and he accidentally caught on a tangle, gritting his teeth at the pain. _I can't believe I'm having these thoughts,_ he realized, with some amount of dazed horror. _I'm obviously too tired and am not thinking clearly. I should retire for the day; it's technically Mogi's shift, anyway._

He opened his eyes and stood, meeting Mogi's gaze. Watari was off on the other side of the room, speaking quietly into his cellphone, which was kind of suspicious, but Aizawa figured he couldn't really trust his thoughts at the moment so he let it slide.

"I'm retiring for the day," he informed Mogi. "You're okay here, right?"

Mogi nodded.

"Okay," Aizawa said. "Call me if anything happens." _Not that I expect anything will._

Mogi nodded again, and Aizawa said "Okay, I'll see you tomorrow," and left.

* * *

Matsuda left in a hurry, and Aizawa staggered out shortly after, and then it was just Mogi and Watari.

Mogi stood there for several minutes, wondering what he was supposed to do—it was always vexing when he wasn't given any specific instructions and everyone just somehow expected to know what to do—and then eventually walked over and sat down in the armchair in front of the monitors, figuring that he was on monitor duty.

Of course, neither Light nor Ryuzaki were in their new cells yet, so there wasn't anything to watch there, but Mogi figured they'd probably arrive soon. And, for the meantime, he could at least keep an eye on Chief Yagami and Misa Amane. Not that there was much to watch there, either, but Mogi figured that someone should be doing it, so it might as well be him, since he was the one there.

Monitor duty always made him feel uncomfortable, admittedly. Kind of like when he'd been tailing Light; that feeling of being almost exposed. There was just something strangely vulnerable about watching someone closely.

Watari was walking around behind him, and there was the sound of liquid pouring and dishes clinking, but Mogi did not turn his eyes from the screen. It wasn't his job to watch Watari, after all.

Watari's footsteps approached him. "Coffee?" the older man offered.

Mogi turned his gaze from the uneventful screens. "Hai," he said, taking the mug of dark liquid. "Thanks."

"You are welcome," Watari said, and moved away, and Mogi turned his gaze back to the monitors, sipping the hot, invigorating liquid as he observed.

It was quiet in the hotel room, almost peaceful. It was like the very molecules of the air calmed down whenever Matsuda and Aizawa were absent. Sometimes Mogi almost enjoyed the silence and solitude of these shifts. Watari came and went like a shadow, never very obtrusive, and even when Misa sang it wasn't really too bothersome, even when she sang strange songs about creepy dolls that followed people. He'd certainly been subjected to worse music blaring from shops and iPods as he walked the streets of Tokyo.

Presently Light Yagami was brought to his cell, hands now cuffed in front of him instead of behind him, but that wasn't particularly eventful either. The only notable thing was the air of dignity Light still carried about him, as he walked into his cell, looked around the new space, spotted the security camera and stared at it for a moment, and then crossed over to the cot and sat down, waiting silently and patiently.

Mogi waited silently and patiently as well, taking occasional drinks of his coffee.

Sometime later Ryuzaki was brought to his side of the cell, as well. The security cameras faced into the cells, so Mogi didn't see the officers in the halls, only Ryuzaki shuffling into his cell with his usual slumped posture and heading straight for the cot without looking around the rest of the cell, somehow still managing to maneuver himself into a crouching position despite his ankles being restrained and his hands being cuffed in front of him.

Light brightened when Ryuzaki came in, greeting him with enthusiasm and maybe even some amount of joy, and Ryuzaki returned the greeting with a demeanor that was notably less dull than what he'd been exhibiting the past couple weeks. Mogi was struck just slightly by the affability of their interaction, and found himself recalling when Ryuzaki had stated that Light was his first friend, and Light had admitted that Ryuzaki was a good friend to him, as well, and he'd missed having him around at college since no one else could hold a conversation at his level.

It seemed, somehow, that they were still friends despite the fact that one of them was Kira and they were both committed to finding out who, and as Mogi observed them batting around words and theories like two cats playing with balls of yarn, he figured that this was probably just a large, intellectually-stimulating game to them, and it didn't really matter to them which of them was Kira, only who could figure it out first.

This somewhat troubled him, but then again, if that was the method by which they worked best, he wasn't in a position to resent it if it worked. He was under no illusions that it wasn't going to be they who solved the case.

He only wondered when it would finally hit them that, when the case was solved, one of them was going to die.


	13. Kill All Your Friends

**Kill All Your Friends**

* * *

The blindfold was removed from Light's eyes and a steady pressure in the middle of his upper back—one of the guard's hands—ushered him into his new cell, the metal door clanging behind him.

He took a moment to survey his surroundings. The cell was much like the previous one, except that it was separated from the adjacent cell only by metal bars, rather than a cement wall. The security camera was also positioned differently, in the far right corner of the door side of the cell instead of right in the middle; angled that way, no doubt, so that it would capture his cell as well as part of Ryuzaki's side. A quick glance revealed the security camera in Ryuzaki's cell to be in a mirroring position, so that it would capture part of his cell as well.

He crossed over to the cat and sat down. His ankles were still cuffed, but his hands had been moved in front of him, so they were no longer craned awkwardly behind his back.

 _It looks like Ryuzaki will still be getting some preferential treatment, despite now being locked up as well—at least now I'll be subject to the same preferential treatment. I'll have to rub that observation in Ryuzaki's face; it would be suspicious if I didn't._

There was nothing to do now but wait for Ryuzaki to arrive.

 _And when he does, I can finally start doing something about this predicament,_ Light thought. _As things stand, there's a possibility I might not make it out of this case alive, and that won't do. If I'm Kira, I'll probably be executed—and if Ryuzaki is Kira, he still might find a way to kill me and the rest of the Task Force and get away with it. I need a way to increase my chances of survival for either case._

 _And Ryuzaki handed me the solution himself, didn't he? "Light-kun is my first-ever friend." I'm sure it wasn't true, when he said it—he never says anything without a purpose, and he certainly would never admit anything that could be any kind of weakness. He only wanted to see how I'd react to that statement. If he really felt friendship towards me, he wouldn't have said so. That he's never had a friend before, though, sounded like the truth—and it was a clever thing to admit in such a way, since, if I was Kira, it would have informed me that there was no way to get to L through anybody else. He has nobody who could be used to hunt him down or hurt him._

 _That works in my favor now, though. Because if I can actually_ _ **become**_ _his first friend—if I can get close to him and, if not make him trust me completely, at least make him genuinely like me and value our friendship beyond any value he's previously placed on any kind of human relationship—then I can make it so that, no matter which of us is Kira, it will be very, very hard for him to kill me._

 _The challenge is going to be figuring out what he wants, and needs, most in a friend—and then making sure I become that for him._

 _It certainly won't be an easy or simple task, especially since he's so suspicious that he'll be constantly suspecting me of an ulterior motive—but it wouldn't be fun if it were easy. And if he's constantly looking for an ulterior motive, he'll never see what my real one is. So I just need to prove that I have no ulterior motives, and truly just want to be friends with him. He'll have no choice but to think of me as a friend at that point._

His closed his eyes, took a breath just slightly slower and deeper than his regular breathing; not enough difference to be noted from the security camera.

 _Honestly, befriending him had been my plan as soon as he told me he was L at the college entrance ceremony, although admittedly my intentions at that point were to make him trust me so he'd bring me in on the case and I could get more information. But then it turned out that doing so was unneeded. Still, I suppose it's somewhat ironic that things have come back to this._

 _It's just as well, I suppose; I know him better now, and have a better idea about how to go about befriending him._

Opening his eyes he glanced down at his left wrist, wishing, not for the first time, that he still had his watch. It was disconcerting not to know how much time passed him by. He didn't even know whether he'd been confined for thirteen or fourteen days, at that point.

He wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd slept, either, but he could feel the weariness starting to manifest in his eyelids. He pressed his fingers into his palms, his fingernails, which hadn't been cut since he'd been detained, pressed stingingly into his flesh. He didn't want to accidentally fall asleep and be unconscious when Ryuzaki arrived.

At least he didn't currently have a headache, and the suggestion of one that was lingering tacitly behind his eyes didn't appear to be in danger of worsening; he'd need all his wits about him when talking to the detective.

* * *

Ryuzaki spent the blindfolded trip to the cell taking careful breaths in through his nose and then exhaling slowly through his mouth, focusing on keeping the rise and fall of his lungs deep and steady, the tenseness from his shoulders, his mind blank.

The car he was transported in smelled new, and like it needed to be aired out. With his eyes covered, he found himself hyper-aware of the hum of the car's motor through the seats, every bump in the road beneath the wheels. _To think you've forced me to do this, Light Yagami. I would be more upset if I were not so impressed._

The car hit a pothole, or something of the sort; the jolt shoved him hard against the car door.

Ryuzaki let out a slow, controlled breath as he righted himself, lowering his shoulders from where they'd stealthily crept up towards his ears. _Though that's not to say I'm not still upset by having to go through this…_

The prison, when they finally arrived and he was escorted inside through a security checkpoint, was just slightly cooler than most people would likely find comfortable, and the footsteps of the guards echoed through the halls. The worn, rubber-soled sneakers Ryuzaki had been obliged to don did not echo, though the ends of their untied lies clacked on the floor. He couldn't wait to get the abominable things off his feet.

He tried to memorize the turns that they took on their way to the cell, but the pressure in his chest became increasingly more difficult to quash down, and doing so soon required enough of his attention that he didn't have much to spare on memorizing rights and lefts, the distance of straight-a-ways and the numbers of shuffling, ankle-cuffed steps. The guards escorting him, aside from the constant pressure of their grip on his arms and the continuous clacking of their boots, may as well have been nonentities; but they were nonentities who'd seen his face.

(Each step was another flash of a child's face in a one-way mirror, another glimpse of a shadow crossing the line of light beneath a white door, another glimpse of blood trickling its way over the hardwood floor, another pair of suspicious eyes he could feel watching him from above lips twitching on the verge of sneering.)

 _The kids at Wammy's would be disappointed_ _if they knew that something like this made 'the great L' so anxious—to know that I'm actually that human, even further from the invulnerable force of justice they'd so foolishly imagined me to be._

He thought of the eagerness of their expressions as they watched the screen, the white background and black L reflected in their wide eyes, the questions they'd pelted at him and the way their faces had twisted with hurt and despair at he continued to speak:

" _It's not a sense of justice,"_ he'd told them. If any of them were to be his successors, they needed to understand that. " _Figuring out difficult cases is my hobby. If you measured good and evil deeds by current laws, I would be responsible for many crimes. The same way you all like to solve mysteries and riddles, or clear video games more quickly… for me, too, it's simply prolonging something I enjoy doing. That's why I only take on cases that pique my interest. It's not justice at all."_

There were two in the back, silent, watching; the only ones who didn't look like they were about to cry. He was watching them through the camera as he continued: " _And if it means being able to clear a case, I don't play fair. I'm a dishonest, cheating human being who hates losing."_

The blond boy had smiled slightly, a mean smile; the white-haired boy's expression was calculating, a Rubik's cube held still and forgotten in his pale fingers. Maybe they had the necessary streak of nefariousness do whatever was required to solve a case. But their motives, he could see, were all wrong; nobody who wanted to be L in order to be the best, or to carry on a legacy, would ever have what it took to be L.

He'd told Watari it would be one of them, to get him off his case, but he didn't have much faith in either of them.

It was fortunate, then, that he didn't plan on dying anytime soon.

Pretending to trip, he forced the guards to hold him upright as he used the opportunity to kick off the uncomfortable sneakers, leaving them lying haphazard in the hall behind him as he continued the rest of the way in bare feet, leaving silent, ephemeral heat-images of his footprints on the cold concrete floor.

* * *

When the police escorts finally stopped walking and removed the blindfold from Ryuzaki's eyes, he turned to see the joined cells connected only by a row of bars, not far enough apart to stick more than an arm through. In the other cell, Light Yagami looked delighted to see him.

Ryuzaki shuffled barefoot across the cell and curled up on the cot. It wasn't as comfortable as the armchair at the hotel, but that was hardly unexpected.

"Hey, Ryuazaki," Light said, once the masked police escorts had left. He was smiling. "It's good to see you again. You're doing well, I hope?"

Ryuzaki turned his head, resting the side of his jaw on his knees as he looked at the teenager. "No worse than you are," he said. _You manage to appear delighted by every aspect of this case, Light Yagami, even when you're confined in a cell as the prime suspect. If you were Kira at this moment, it would be too suspicious, and you would certainly not give yourself away like that... But since you cannot possibly be Kira right now, it doesn't make any sense why you should be so pleased about this._

"I'm glad," Light smiled. There was a knowing glint in his eyes, a smug quirk of his lips, and he held up his cuffed wrists. "This is your doing, I suppose?" he said, and chuckled slightly. "I appreciate it. It will be nice to not have to eat with my mouth like a dog anymore." He was watching Ryuzaki out of the corner of glinting eyes.

"You are obviously bitter, Light-kun," Ryuzaki said. _At least, you are either bitter and pretending to be enjoying yourself, or enjoying yourself and pretending to be bitter. It will be interesting to see which is actually the case._ "I am sorry, you know. But I am sure you understand why you had to be confined like that. And you did ask to be confined, after all."

"I know.," Light said, and sighed, leaning back against the wall. "That's why I can't really be upset with you, no matter how much this sucks." He paused, staring at his cuffed hands. "I really am glad my hands are now cuffed in front of me rather than behind me, though. I feel more human, and I should get fewer headaches now." He glanced over at Ryuzaki again, lips twitching upwards. "I just found it rather coincidental that my hands were cuffed behind me until now, when you've been confined with me."

"I can see why," Ryuzaki said. _It is true that I was not going to let myself be confined without laying down a few conditions. But it is highly doubtful that Kira could kill from here any better with his hands cuffed in front of him versus cuffed behind him; and it would be more suspicious if I did not use what authority Light and the Task Force know I have to make a few arrangements that will make my confinement a slight bit more comfortable. Light knows I am not selfless; there is no point in pretending to be._

"And I suppose prison food will now be including cake and other desserts, as well," Light added, with a little grin.

"It might be," Ryuzaki acknowledged, letting his lips curl slightly upwards.

Light laughed. "Another reason to be grateful you're here, then," he said, taking on a tone that was almost teasing, like the one Ryuzaki had heard him use with his younger sister during the week the Yagami household had been bugged. "The food I've been obliged to eat so far has left something to be desired."

"I can imagine," Ryuzaki murmured; they were sitting close enough to the center of their cells that they were only a few feet apart, and didn't need to speak very loudly to hear each other. _What is your aim here, Light Yagami?_

Light had narrowed his eyes at him. "You didn't seem particularly sympathetic before you were confined here, too," he pointed out, tone accusing.

Ryuzaki glanced up at the ceiling for a moment. _Why the test, Light? If you are trying to get me to lie to you so you can call me out on it, you are going to have to try harder than that. Or this might just be innocuous banter to get me to lower my guard. I may as well play along and let him think he's succeeding._ He looked back at Light, acknowledging easily: "No, I suppose I wouldn't have been."

Light blinked, as if slightly surprised. His lips twitched upwards. "Well, you have my respect for not attempting to deny it."

Ryuzaki looked at him. _Ingratiating, now?_ "You have my respect for continuing to analyze the situation rationally, even after being confined for this long," he replied.

Light laughed wryly. "But that just makes me more suspicious, doesn't it?" His tone was more resigned than bitter.

 _I am still convinced that you were Kira, Light Yagami._ _I just have to figure out how to prove it…_ "Not any more suspicious than I am," he said.

"I suppose that's true, at this point," Light said, sounding like he actually believed it. He was looking up at the ceiling, almost languidly, his eyes seeming to be tracing lazy patterns along the concrete.

Ryuzaki lay his the side of his face on his knees so that he was looking at Light sideways. _You're acting like you don't care which of us is Kira, Light, but I can't believe that is actually the case. Shouldn't you be protesting your innocence more?_

"That aside, though," Light said, turning to look at him again, voice and expression softer, almost bashful, "I really am glad you're here, Ryuzaki…"

Ryuzaki blinked at him.

Light laughed slightly, ducking his head. "Not just because it means the suspicion against me has decreased and the food will likely improve," he said quickly, "though there is admittedly that, too." He glanced back at Ryuzaki and offered him a little grin. "But I really do enjoy all our conversations. It's…" he looked away again, down at his hands, laying his fingers carefully over his knees. "It means more to me than I can say," he said quietly, "to have someone who can hold conversations on my level… I've never…" he laughed again, without humor, and looked at Ryuzaki with brown eyes that were uncharacteristically self-conscious. "I've never had anyone I could _really_ talk with before, you know?" There was an raw quality to his voice that Ryuzaki hadn't heard from him before.

Ryuzaki looked away, gaze resting on the gray concrete of the floor, black hair cutting jaggedly across his vision. "Believe me, Light-kun," he said quietly, "I understand perfectly. I feel the same way." His arms were pulled to his chest, the metal cuffs pressing on either side of his sternum. "I did say that you are my first-ever friend, didn't I?" _Admittedly I said so because I wanted to see how you'd react…_

"You did," Light said, and laughed slightly. "You really surprised me when you said that, you know. Up until that point, I didn't think you saw me as anything more than your prime suspect."

Ryuzaki glanced over at him. "Well, you're still that," he pointed out.

"Yeah, I know," Light said, meeting his gaze, a wry a smile on his lips. "What a situation we've gotten ourselves into, huh?"

"Indeed," Ryuzaki said, watching him.

"So how does it feel, Ryuzaki?" Light asked. "To be accused of being Kira?" The wry smile was still on his lips, but his eyes held no malice. "Now that you actually have been."

Ryuzaki looked back down at the floor. "It feels even worse than I thought," he murmured. _I was so close to proving that you were Kira, Light Yagami… It stings that I did not foresee your accusation that I just as easily could have been Kira, and that I have no way to prove that your theory false, even to myself._

"Yeah…" Light said, trailing off. When he spoke again, his voice was quiet and even, lacking inflection. "You kinda reach a point where it simply can't hurt any more, though, so it kinda… stops. Hurting, I mean. In fact," and here he laughed slightly, the sound laced with irony, "it's almost kinda flattering, now."

Ryuzaki turned his head quickly, looking over at him. "Flattering?"

"Yeah," Light said, meeting his gaze with tired eyes and a lopsided grin. "The fact that you all think I'm capable of pulling off what Kira has—killing so many criminals without leaving any evidence, reducing crime to such a degree, killing the FBI agents he shouldn't have been able to know about—not to mention that according to your theory I was able to keep killing criminals even while under surveillance…" He laughed. "I mean, when you think about it, that's a rather high order for an eighteen-year-old college student. Seventeen-year-old high school student, even, when the killings started…"

Ryuzaki stared at him, and Light's smile became more sardonic, that knowing glint returning to his eyes like he knew that Ryuzaki was trying to analyze what he was up to and was almost fondly exasperated about it.

"Don't get me wrong, I know I've always been somewhat exceptional," Light said. "But still, that I'd be able to pull off something like this?" He shook his head, the wry grin remaining on his lips. "It's something that had never occurred to me… I couldn't help but laugh when you first told me you suspected me of being Kira; _me_ , of all people? Capable of that?" He laughed and shook his head again. "At the time I thought it was either a back-handed compliment, since I'd also gotten a perfect score on the entrance exam—or else you were trying to throw me off the case for some reason; I was afraid you'd figured out that I'd been researching the case on my own."

Light's expression sobered, and his eyes moved to the floor, staring sightlessly at the gray cement. "The gravity of being accused of being Kira didn't hit me till later, when I realized you were really serious about your suspicion of me…" His face twisted in a slight wince. "That's when it really started hurting, that you thought I'd be capable of being a mass murderer…"

Ryuzaki hadn't stopped staring at him, and Light met his gaze again, the sardonic quirk returning to his lips. "But after all these days in a cell, I can't help but find it kind of funny again," he said. "Gallows humor, maybe…." He let his head fall back against the wall, staring up at the ceiling, a gentle light in his eyes and a soft smile on his lips. "But to think that it places me on the same level as you, the great detective L—someone I admire so greatly and who has solved countless of the world's most difficult cases… getting to work alongside you and having this chance to be a real detective, like I've wanted to be for years…" he looked down again, hair sweeping across his face as he shook his head, laughing slightly. "This has all been embarrassingly like a school boy's dream."

Ryuzaki's eyes were stinging dryly from having forgotten to blink, and he closed them for a moment before looking at Light again. "I don't think many school boys dream of being locked in a cell under suspicion of being a mass murderer," he said.

"No," Light laughed, "I suppose not." His grin, when he looked at Ryuzaki, was almost self-deprecating. "It's pretty stupid, isn't it? That I'm enjoying a situation like this so much… no, it's almost disgusting. People have been dying, and it could be my fault… and yet here I am, and the only thing I'm thinking about is how much fun it's been to work on this case with you."

 _So that's why you've been so pleased about all this, Light Yagami? I suppose it makes sense… what you're saying feels like the truth—at least the underlying perspective, anyway. You can't think I would buy the schoolboy act; that's no doubt for the benefit of the Task Force. After all it would be to his advantage to get them to believe that, despite his genius intellect, he's still just a naive teenager—one who couldn't possibly be capable mass-murder._

 _But you already know that my hobby is solving difficult cases and that I only solve cases I'm interested in. Rationally, therefore, I can't find you suspicious for enjoying these events since I've been enjoying working on this case, as well, and it could also be argued that, because the cases I solve more often than not involve a series of murders, I get my enjoyment from the death of others. And I can't find you suspicious for enjoying this case even when you're detained as the prime suspect when I've enjoyed working on this case even when I was afraid I would be killed at any moment._

 _And you know all that, don't you, Light Yagami? And you know that I know it, and that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know it—etcetera etcetera, until it it sounds like some kind of inane children's argument. But we're both childish and hate to lose, aren't we? And we both know that._

Ryuzaki glanced at the ceiling for a moment. "I'm flattered that you admire me and have enjoyed working with me thus far," he said. He looked back at Light, and added childishly: "It didn't stop you from accusing me of being Kira, though, did it."

Light sighed, slumping back against the wall like he'd been expecting the statement. "I don't _want_ you to be Kira, Ryuzaki," he said, almost dejectedly, and made a vague gesture with his cuffed hands. "But logically you easily could be—and I mean, I don't really want to be Kira, either." He tilted his head, meeting Ryuzaki's gaze out of the corner of his eyes. "But feelings have no basis getting in the way of the facts, now do they?"

 _Pathos and logos, indeed. You're really covering all your bases, aren't you?_

"Indeed, they do not," Ryuzaki agreed. He looked away, certain discrepancies niggling in the back of his mind; pieces of the puzzle that didn't quite fit and which he couldn't quite put into words. He poked them around for a while on the gray surface of the ceiling, turning them this way and that, before concluding that, wherever they fit, the rest of the pieces around them were missing and he would not be able to find them in this cell.

"Say, Light-kun," he said, disturbing the snowfall-silence that had settled over them and glancing over at the college student who blinked at him with drowsy, half-lidded eyes. "Once the killings start up again and we are back to working on the case, there is some older material I would like to take a second look at with you."

Light smiled at him sleepily. "Gladly."

Ryuzaki nodded and looked back at the ceiling, starting to shove the jigsaw pieces around again. _Filling in those gaps will have to wait. But there's probably_ _ **some**_ _progress I can make while I'm in here…_


	14. Anything You Hide

**Author Notes**

* * *

There are no inner thoughts in this chapter, so please keep in mind that both Light and Ryuzaki are liars and you should not believe anything they say.

* * *

 **Anything You Hide Can And Will Be Used Against You  
**

* * *

 _14th day of Light's confinement_

* * *

Light had fallen asleep, curled up on the cot and propped up against the wall, looking thin and pale in his long black pants and long-sleeved black shirt, his brown hair that he normally kept brushed and well-groomed now hanging limp and carrying the dull shine of oil, sticking slightly against his skin of his neck and where it fell artlessly over his face.

Ryuzaki glanced over at him every now and then, but for the most part his gaze moved over the ceiling and floor as if there were something endlessly fascinating there that only he could see.

After a few hours a guard came by bearing their meals, slipping the trays beneath the doors, the plastic scraping loudly against the concrete floor and making Light stir and open his eyes, vulpine brown gaze flicking around the cell and then falling on the tray, the corner of his lips curving upwards.

"So we do get cake, huh?" he said, eyes bright with either pleasure or amusement. Next to the other dishes was a plate of what appeared to be some kind of yellow cake, the top layer of which had been inlaid with blueberries before it was baked, and then afterwards topped with a layer some kind of sugar-crumble.

Ryuzaki had already unfolded himself and shuffled across the cell, crouched and down and picked up the try and fork awkwardly in his cuffed hands, stood and returned to the cot like a dog with its favorite chewtoy, a bite of the what appeared to be blueberry coffee cake already in his mouth.

"Mm-hm," he hummed around the dessert, another bite of the cake already perched on the plastic fork and hovering in front of him.

Light gave a drowsy laugh and stood, retrieving his own tray and then setting it down on the cot beside him, examining its contents. Aside from the slice of blueberry coffee cake, which, when he brought the tray closer to him, smelled rather strongly of lemon, the rest of food was exactly the same as he'd been receiving for the past two weeks of his confinement: rice boiled with barley, fried mackerel, thinly sliced Japanese _daikon_ radish, harusame noodle salad, and a dumbed-down coarse tea version of miso soup.

The only difference was that the food wasn't sliced into kibble-sized pieces to be easily consumed by someone who did not have the use of their hands.

"Figures you'd only secure the addition of dessert," Light sighed. "You could have at least asked them to give us real miso soup instead of this imitation…" He picked up the plastic fork that had been provided, eying the utensil. "Are forks supposed to be safer than chopsticks?"

"Chopsticks make good projectiles," Ryuzaki noted, voice muffled by a mouthful of the coffee cake.

"Kira would hardly need to make use of such crude methods," Light pointed out, but sighed resignedly and started picking at the food with the plastic fork.

For a while there was silence except for the scrape of plastic against plastic and the soft, contented eating noises of Ryuzaki methodically consuming the dessert, completely avoiding the rest of the meal, while Light did almost the exact opposite on the other side of the cell.

"Say, Ryuzaki," Light said, after a while, setting the plastic fork down. The coffee cake hadn't been touched, but there was a noticeable dent in the other food items.

"Yes, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki said, looking over at him, the handle of the fork sticking out of his mouth as he sucked on the prongs.

Light met and held his gaze with sober brown eyes. "If you were Kira, and needed to transfer your power to someone else before losing your memories, what kind of person would you transfer your power to?" he asked. "Supposing you could choose, and it wasn't just random."

Ryuzaki pulled the fork out of his mouth, tapping it lightly against his lower lip. "I don't know if I'd have been willing to do so if it were random," he mused, gaze on the ceiling.

"Me neither," Light said. "That's why I'm asking."

"I suppose it would have to be someone intelligent enough to handle such a killing power without breaking down and letting the power be discovered by the Japanese police," Ryuzaki said, turning his dark eyes to meet Light's gaze again, "but not so intelligent that I wouldn't be able to catch him eventually."

"Yeah," Light agreed, "the plan would have to hinge on us being the ones to catch him." He flipped the plastic fork around his fingers, eyes narrowing at the utensil thoughtfully. "I imagine it would be difficult to find someone with the same values who could be Kira in the same way, as the Second Kira proved." He shook his head slightly, flipping the fork again. "No, in fact, it doesn't even make sense to try."

"No, it wouldn't," Ryuzaki agreed. His dark gray eyes, almost black, remained fixed and unblinking in his waxen face, giving him an almost doll-like appearance. "If you were Kira and planning on turning yourself in under the pretense of being Kira without knowing it, you would need the new Kira to have different values so it would be clear the two Kiras were different."

"Yeah," Light agreed, meeting his gaze out of the corner of narrowed umber eyes, glinting like the edge of a tennis racket catching the sunlight as it swung towards the approaching ball. "And if you were Kira and passed on the power after I accused you of being Kira, it wouldn't make sense to try to pass off someone else as Kira, especially not after you put in so much effort to frame me."

"Indeed," Ryuzaki concurred, looking up at the ceiling as the prongs of his fork dragged at his lower lip, slurring his words slightly. "It would have to be someone who would still use the power to kill criminals, but as a cover for something else that we would eventually figure out." Looking down at his food tray, he began pressing the fork against the surface of the plate that had held the coffee cake, trying to catch all the remaining crumbs between the plastic prongs. "Something that would lead us to discover who that person was." The crushed crumbs were inserted into his mouth.

"So they'd be someone who would use the cover of Kira to disguise the killings that they were doing for their own reasons," Light said, setting down his own fork and pushing the tray and remaining food away from him, settling back against the concrete wall. "Probably for their own personal gain."

Ryuzaki pulled the fork from his mouth with a soft popping sound. "You once mentioned that you believed Kira to still be something of a child, since an adult would use it for their own personal gain, rather than try to cleanse the world of crime," he said, looking over at the teen.

"Yeah," Light acknowledged. His knees were pulled up, elbows resting on his thighs and cheek resting lightly against his folded hands. "And I can't imagine either of us handing the power off to a child, or even an older student."

"Indeed," Ryuzaki agreed. "After all, there aren't many students like Light-kun." He started pressing the fork against the plate again, the two plastics making quiet clicking noises against each other. "Most of them would not be able to handle such a power."

Light watched him, lips curving slightly. "A rather back-handed compliment, but I'll take it," he said. His expression sobered again and he sat up straighter, hands coming away from his face. "It would have to be an adult, of course," he continued thoughtfully. "So they'll no doubt have their own motive. Power? Money? Status? Some long-term goal. Personal vendettas wouldn't last anyone very long."

Ryuzaki looked at him over the edge of the plate he'd picked up and started licking. "You might be surprised."

"That may be the case, I suppose," Light said, holding his gaze, seemingly completely unperturbed when Ryuzaki turned his attention back to drawing his tongue over the once cake-laden plate. "But it wouldn't be someone who was a criminal. That would go against all of Kira's values."

Ryuzaki paused his licking of coffee cake essence. "A criminal would have a good reason to kill other criminals as a cover, though," he pointed out. "Pretend to be Kira and take out some of their competition." He gave the plate a final lick and then set it down, picking up the fork again and beginning to work his tongue into the small ravines on the back of the utensil, making sure he didn't miss a single cake crumb.

"If I was Kira, I certainly wouldn't have handed the killing power off to a criminal," Light said, with confidence and maybe even a hint of defiance.

"No," Ryuzaki agreed, glancing over at him, "I certainly can't imagine you doing so."

Light's tone of voice suggested a raised eyebrow, but his actual countenance remained perfectly neutral. "Is that something you might have done, Ryuzaki?"

"Probably not," Ryuzaki mumbled around the fork prongs held between his teeth. "A criminal like that would take too long to catch." The plastic clicked against his teeth as he pulled the utensil from his mouth, setting it down on the licked plate and placing his cuffed hands on his knees. He tilted his head as he looked over at Light. "And let's not forget that if I was Kira, my plan hinged on framing you for being Kira, which means I would still likely be attempting that when I gave the killing power away. So I would have chosen someone who I believe you would have chosen."

"So it all still hinges on me, huh?" Light said, a small, humorless quirk of a smile on his lips as he let his head lean back against the wall. "That would certainly be the best tactic for you, if you were Kira."

"Indeed," Ryuzaki agreed.

Light's bangs hid his eyes, but his lips were still visible as they relaxed out of their sardonic twist. "So it would be an adult who's not a criminal and who has some long-term goal in their own self-interest that could be gained by using the killing power," he summed up, and then sighed, shoulders rising with his inhale and slumping with his exhale. "I suppose we can't narrow it down any further than that until the killings start up again and we can chart the data."

"We probably shouldn't dwell on it too much before then," Ryuzaki suggested, watching him. "It wouldn't do either of us any good to form any baseless conclusions that could bias our view of the data and further obscure the truth."

Light turned his head to look at him. "Yeah, you're right," he murmured. "Once you get an idea into your head it can be hard to let it go, can't it?" His eyes glinted. "Even if there's no proof, or if all the proof is against it."

"My theory wasn't baseless," Ryuzaki said. "All the facts pointed to you." He held Light's gaze with dark-gray doll eyes. "All the pieces fit."

Light's eyes were half-lidded and unimpressed, a languid smile curling his lips. "Pieces do tend to do that when you're the one who cuts them, don't they?"

"There's only a fifty percent chance that's the case, though," Ryuzaki pointed out. "There's also a fifty percent chance I'm right. And in either case, the pieces still fit." He was folded up and perched on the cot rather like a tufted owl, hair sticking up wildly, eyes wide and round and unblinking. "As such there's nearly a hundred percent chance that my theories are not baseless."

Light closed his eyes and straightened his head, his languid smile not bothering to move from where it was lounging on his lips like a jungle cat in a tree. "I suppose that's true, if you put it that way," he conceded. He made a vague gesture with one of his cuffed hands. "Still, though, at one point in either case it was still only a hunch that made you choose me over all other possibilities."

"I suppose that's also true," Ryuzaki conceded, glancing up at the ceiling. "There's something off about you."

"Something off about me?" Light asked laughingly as he blinked his eyes open and looked over at his cellmate, the crinkles at the corners of his eyes suggesting genuine amusement. "You're sure one to talk, Ryuzaki."

"That's fair enough," Ryuzaki told the ceiling, before glancing back over at Light. Sotto voce, he said, "Maybe that's what bothers me about you."

Light was silent for a long moment, looking at him. Finally he exhaled audibly and turned his face away. "And there's only room enough in the world for one of us, I suppose?"

Ryuzaki looked away as well, dark gaze coming to rest on the floor. The angle made the shadows collect in his eyesockets, exacerbating the dark bags beneath his eyes. "I don't know about that," he murmured, after a while. One of his thumbs rubbed over his lip. "But it may also be the parts of you I don't recognize that bother me."

Light gave a brief, incredulous laugh. "So either I'm too much like you, or I'm not enough like you? Sounds like quite the bind to be in." He looked over and said, in the tone of someone trying to be reasonable, "Don't you think you're being a little childish, Ryuzaki?"

"Quite possibly," Ryuzaki conceded. The hand that had been brushing its thumb over his lip moved to splay over his knee, fingers curling and tensing as he seemed to hug his chest still closer to this thighs. "You'll have to forgive me. I'm not used to the idea of being wrong, and I must admit it doesn't sit well with me."

Light snorted softly. "Does being wrong sit well with _anybody?_ "

Ryuzaki glanced at him through his dark bangs. "I suppose not."

"Don't worry about things too much, Ryuzaki," Light said with a sigh. "Like you said, it won't do either of us any good." He made a gesture that seemed to encompass both food trays, adding, "And besides, we get to eat cake, don't we?"

"You're quite the optimist, Light-kun," observed Ryuzaki, watching him like an owl.

Light shrugged his shoulders. He turned his face away, eyes obscured behind his bangs. "I'm just trying to distract myself, really."

"Another headache?" Ryuzaki asked.

"No," Light said. He paused, and then amended, "Well, yes, actually. But not just that."

Ryuzaki watched him and remained silent, features as unmoving and blank as those of a porcelain figurine.

Light glanced at him and then looked away again. "Some aspects of the case are… acutely disturbing," he admitted finally. He shook his head, bangs brushing across his face. "I don't want to dwell on what they might mean."

Ryuzaki waited for all of sixty seconds, before he said finally: "Are you going to confide in me, or do you want me to guess?" He waited another ten seconds before adding: "I'm usually pretty good at guessing."

Light let out an exhale that was half exasperated sigh and half amused laugh. "So you _do_ have a sense of humor, Ryuzaki," he said, lips quirking just slightly before his expression slipped back into a tired neutral. "And it's just… the supernatural aspect of the case doesn't sit well with me." He shifted slightly, sitting up straighter against the wall. "You've probably already been able to guess that I'm an atheist," he said. "I don't believe there's a God, or that this is that God's judgment. It has to be a human—as you said, a human who's probably playing at being a god. But still a human."

His stare was on the floor of his cell, arms resting over the tops of his knees and hands hanging limply between them, the angles of his fingers almost refined, the light shining through his fingernails that hadn't been cut in two weeks and were noticeably longer than he usually kept them. "And yet, it's obvious that Kira seems to be able to kill people just by thinking it, and that he seems to be able to control his victims for a certain amount of time before killing them. But…" He shook his head again. "Such a thing shouldn't be possible, and yet it appears that it is." His fingers twitched, as if he had almost curled his hands but immediately stopped himself. "And the fact that both Kira and the Second Kira mentioned Shinigami…"

"You said yourself that Shinigami can't possibly exist, and it probably just refers to their killing power," Ryuzaki reminded him, his stare like that of an owl perched in the night-cloaked boughs of a tree watching an animal move over the ground and wondering whether or not it was prey.

"I know that," Light said. "I know…" He hunched forward slightly, fingers twitching again. "Shinigami can't exist," he stated. "Gods of Death?" His tone was indignant, his hair brushing vehemently across his face. "No, I can't possibly believe that such beings exist."

He paused, then, perfectly still except for the slight rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. When he spoke again, his voice was soft: "But how do you explain the ability to kill people with just a face and a name…? Or just a face, in the case of the Second Kira. And to control their actions…" His body trembled convulsively. "It gives me shivers whenever I think about it. And the thought of having my own actions potentially be controlled…" his fingers curled against his palms, his knuckles whitening, shoulders tensing beneath his black shirt, "to become a tool for Kira without even realizing it…"

Ryuzaki blinked at him. "I also find Kira's supernatural powers to be greatly disturbing," he offered, like one would cajolingly admit their own fear to a frightened child who was trying to deny they were afraid.

Light's shoulders relaxed and his hands uncurled. His too-long nails had left dark crescents in his palms. "It's really too bad Misa lost her memories," he said after several moments. "I bet I would have been able to get the information out of her, if I'd been given the time…" He glanced at Ryuzaki out of the corner of his eyes. "If you hadn't arrested her."

Ryuzaki tilted his head to the side, resting his cheek on his knees as he looked at him. "What choice did I have, Light-kun? She was killing people, and I was convinced you were Kira. A partnership between Kira and the Second Kira would have been devastating."

"And if you were Kira, you would certainly have her arrested as well so that I couldn't get the information out of her and discover your secret," Light said, and sighed, making a capitulating gesture. "Your motives were perfectly justified either way."

"It would be best if we could catch the next Kira, when he makes his presence known, and get him to show us how he kills," Ryuzaki said, still looking at Light sideways. His cuffed hands hands were slipped over his knees so they rested at his ankles, his arms encircling his legs completely and essentially trapping them to his chest.

"It would," Light agreed. "And yet, if one of us was Kira and orchestrated this with the goal of getting this new Kira taken into our custody so the power would be returned to us…" Narrowed umber eyes met Ryuzaki's wide gray ones. "We must think that we'd still be able to win, even if the other knew how we killed."

Ryuzaki blinked. "Indeed." He shifted to glance up at the ceiling, a thumb coming up to rub over his lip. "That is also disturbing, isn't it."

Light looked down, his hair falling into his face. "Yeah." His voice was subdued.

"We shouldn't dwell on it, though," Ryuzaki said, tilting his head back to look at Light, wild black hair slanting out of his face and allowing the harsh prison light to illuminate the purplish tint of the skin beneath his eyes. "As you said, it won't do us any good. We just need to focus on identifying and capturing whoever it is." He looked away, biting at the nail of his thumb. Almost to himself, he added: "The truth will definitely be revealed."

Light sighed, slumping back against the wall. "Yeah, you're right." He glanced over at the detective, his lips quirking. "Who's the optimist now, Ryuzaki?"

"I like to think of myself as a realist," Ryuzaki said, thumb still at his lips. He met Light's gaze with undertaker eyes, funereal and jaded. "It is a simple fact of the world that nothing can remain hidden forever."

Light's tongue ran over his dry lips, wetting them, and he paused a moment after opening his mouth to speak, as if hesitant to say what he was thinking. When he finally spoke his words scraped over the space between them like dead leaves nudged along the sidewalk by an autumn breeze: "Unless it's taken to the grave."

"You mean if Kira somehow manages to kill the rest of us and then escape and get away with it?" Ryuzaki asked with all the delicacy of a metal rake.

Light flinched slightly, but the reaction was a beat later than it should have been. "How else could Kira win?" The quaver in his voice was almost enough to make the delayed reaction seem imagined.

Ryuzaki stared at him for several moments before he finally looked away, thumb pinching his lower lip against the side of his index finger and rubbing back and forth over the smooth skin, distorting the line of his mouth.

"Kira cannot win forever," he said eventually, when the silence had just started to settle over them like so many specks of dust. "There will be others who will try to stop him."

Light glanced at him. "Do you know of anyone in particular?" His tone was nonchalant, and more derisive than curious.

"No," Ryuzaki said. "But they will exist." His hand moved away from his lip, settling over his knee. "And no matter how much Kira came to believe himself a god, he's still human." He turned his head and met Light's gaze, dark-gray eyes underlined with the purple-black bruising of chronic insomnia. "One day he'll die."

Light blinked at him, and then self-consciously raised his cuffed hands to press his fingertips lightly against the slight puffy bags beneath his own eyes. He slowly lowered his hands again, staring down at them as they rested against his thighs, held loosely open like someone checking for rainfall. Tonelessly he said: "At which point the course of the world will depend on how much he's managed to change society during that time, right?"

Ryuzaki tilted his head like an owl: as if his eyes were too big to move in their sockets. "Is Kira really someone suited for leading a new world order, I wonder?" he said, thumb and forefinger plucking at his lower lip.

Light glanced over at him; perched there in his rumpled white long-sleeve shirt and baggy blue-gray jeans, with his legs tucked to his body and his arms pulled tight against his sides like folded wings, his black hair sticking up like fluffy down feathers, and his wide expectant eyes, Ryuzaki rather gave the impression of a disgruntled owlet waiting impatiently to be fed.

The corner of Light's lips quirked, and he glanced down at his cuffed hands and their too-long fingernails, saying laughingly, "Looking at the two of us? Maybe not." He sighed and leaned his head back against the cement wall. "This is a rather fatalistic conversation, isn't it?"

"I don't think 'fatalistic' is the correct word," Ryuzaki said, his thumb pressing against his lip and shoving the corner of his mouth to the side. "We're discussing possibilities, not inevitabilities." He removed his thumb and his mouth straightened, his hand going back to his knee, the metal cuffs around his wrists clinking with the movement. "I do agree that there's not much point to our doing so, though."

"Yeah," Light said, making a weak attempt at a smile. "It's funny the places one's mind goes to when there isn't anything else to do but think…"

"Indeed," Ryuzaki agreed. He leaned back slightly away from his legs, reaching a hand as far as the cuffs would allow to point a slightly bent finger at the blueberry-lemon coffee cake still resting on its plate on Light's tray. "Say, Light-kun, are you going to finish that piece of cake?"

"No," Light said, shaking his head, "I'm afraid I've rather lost my appetite." He moved his cuffed hands to pick up the plate, scooting over on the cot so he was less than a foot away from the metal bars separating their cells, touching the sides of the plastic plate lightly against the bars that were just slightly too close for it to pass through. "I don't think the plate will fit through the bars, though," he noted, watching Ryuzaki as the detective remained in his crouched position and simply hopped over, propelling himself upwards with his toes and feet, chest coming only slightly away from his legs with each hop.

"Do you think you can fish it out?" Light asked.

"It's possible," Ryuzaki said, gaze flicking between the dessert and the metal bars as he assessed the situation. Reaching forward, he slid the four fingers of one hand slid through a gap between the bars, the metal halting his hand at the thumb. His round dark eyes flicked up and looked almost entreatingly into Light's own. "But it would be easier if you could hand it to me."

Light snorted slightly, but he carefully picked up the slice of coffee cake and set it on Ryuzaki's fingers, watching the detective pull it into his side of the cell and immediately taking a bite out of it, not even bothering with the plate and fork. He held his other hand twisted awkwardly in the cuffs to catch any fallen crumbs.

"Thanks," he said, looking up at Light, before turning his attention back to the dessert, taking another bite. A few crumbs slipped past the edge of his hand and he made a small sound of annoyance, glancing down at where they'd disappeared in the creases of the white sheet covering the cot.

"You really like cake a lot," Light observed, a note of amusement in his tone.

Ryuzaki looked at him over the slice of coffee cake and licked the pale crumbs from his lips. "It tastes good," he stated, tone plain and indignant like a child's.

Light laughed lightly and leaned back against the wall, not bothering to move back to the center of the cot. "Well, I can't argue with that," he said, shrugging relentingly.

Ryuzaki took another bite of the dessert, chewing as he watched Light with a feline intensity. If he were a cat there would have been crumbs trembling on his whiskers.

"You're not a bad person, Light-kun," he said finally. He'd finished the cake and was licking the crumbs from his palm like a cat cleaning the pads of its paw. His tongue was a dark indigo color from the blueberries.

Light had been leaning back against the wall with his forearms resting on his knees and his eyes closed, but now he opened his eyes and turned to look at the detective, smiling tiredly. "Neither are you, Ryuzaki."

Ryuzaki sucked the lemon-scented sugar from his fingers. "And yet one of us is Kira," he remarked, in between licking every possible sugar granule from his hands, purple tongue running over pale skin that was probably more salty than sweet.

Light looked away, brown eyes sweeping over the concrete walls and the dark steel bars, the cameras set in both far corners. "Yeah," he said, and laughed without mirth. "Kinda funny, isn't it?"

Ryuzaki stared back at him blandly and wiggled his bare toes where they were poking over the edge of the cot. "Not really," he said.

Light just looked at him for a moment. "I was being ironic," he said finally, voice flat.

"Right." Ryuzaki wiped his saliva-wet hands off on his jeans. "Of course."

Light glanced at the camera in his side of the cell and rolled his eyes, as if sharing his exasperation with whoever was watching them.

Light then turned his gaze the floor, limp brown hair falling into his face, and for a while he remained like that, while Ryuzaki began chewing on his blunt fingernails, using his teeth to scrape away the cake crumbs that had gotten stuck beneath them.

"Say, though," Light spoke up finally, and Ryuzaki turned to look at him, blinking. Light hadn't looked up and his bangs hid his expression, but there was a frown in his voice. "The first Kira could control his victims' actions before death, yeah? But he couldn't kill without a name."

"That's what the evidence suggests, yes," Ryuzaki said.

"And the Second Kira could kill with only a face," Light added. He looked up, then, meeting Ryuzaki's gaze with eyes narrowed in thought. "But was there any evidence to suggest that the Second Kira could also control her victims' actions before death?"

Ryuzaki blinked and looked up at the ceiling, biting at his thumb. "I don't believe there was ever an instance that suggested the Second Kira could do so," he said after a moment.

"So was the Second Kira capable of controlling her victims actions, and simply chose not to, or was that not within her capabilities?" Light asked.

Ryuzaki looked at him again, eyes dark and wide. "You're suggesting that there are two different variations of the Shinigami killing power."

"It seems that way, doesn't it?" Light said, spreading his hands as much as the cuffs would allow. "They could both kill people anywhere with heart attacks, but they also both seem to have had an aspect of the power that the other did not possess."

Ryuzaki looked up at the ceiling, a thumb at his lips. "It's an interesting theory," he said after a few moments. He glanced back over at Light. "If that's the case, then the new Kira that turns up would likely have the same variation as Kira, rather than that of the Second Kira, since it would have been one of us who passed on the power." His thumb rubbed over his lip. "We will have to see if that's what the data indicates."

"Of course, even if the new Kira does have that part of the killing power, it doesn't guarantee that they'll use it," Light pointed out.

"And even if they did, it's unlikely that they will use it with the same kind of effectiveness as Kira," Ryuzaki mumbled, mouth shoved to the side by his thumb. "I find it hard to believe that the kind of person we identified as being a likely candidate would put the ability to control their victims' actions to the same methodical testing process that the original Kira did."

Light's bangs brushed slightly across his face as he tilted his head minutely. "The experiments using the imprisoned criminals?" He laughed slightly. "Yeah, no," he said. "And unlike the two of us, they likely won't have access to police information."

Ryuzaki's thumb slipped from his lip and he stared at Light like an owl that had just locked onto a target. "So you do admit that you had access to police information even before I brought you onto the case."

"Yeah," Light said easily, giving a nonchalant shrug. "I've been hacking the police database through my dad's computer for years." He looked over at Ryuzaki, saying in confidence: "I'd rather you didn't tell him, though."

Ryuzaki was smiling like the cat that got the canary.

Light sighed. "Don't look so smug, Ryuzaki," he said, shaking his head. "It doesn't prove anything." He gestured with a hand. "You had access to the same information, after all."

"But why hide that, Light-kun?" Ryuzaki asked, staring at him intensely, fingers playing with his lower lip.

Light looked at him with languid, vulpine eyes. "Originally, it was because I was working on the case on my own, and I wanted to solve it before you did," he said easily. "And after you brought me onto the case, there was no point." He shrugged. "I didn't want to upset my father, and you would have used it as evidence against me, and I didn't particularly _want_ to be convicted as Kira when I was most definitely _not_ Kira. And even when I started to suspect that I might actually be Kira without my knowing it, there was no point in bringing up that piece of information when all the facts of the case pointed to me anyway."

Light covered his mouth with a hand as he yawned, and then blinked sleepily at the detective, though his eyes were shrewd. "Really, Ryuzaki—I'm sure you didn't need me to explain all that to you."

"No," Ryuzaki agreed, finger tapping against his lip, "but I wanted to watch your face while you explained it to me." The tapping paused, and he lowered his hand to his knee, though his round dark eyes remained fixed on Light. "You seem to be telling the truth."

Light sighed again. "Ryuzaki, we already decided that if one of us was Kira, we lost all our memories of it and are no longer Kira at this moment in time, and that our memories probably changed to make all our past actions make perfect sense," he pointed out. "If Kira's killing power is truly as supernatural as it seems, it's unlikely it would leave any such loopholes." He spread his cuffed hands, fingers splayed out and curved gently like pale lotus blossoms. "It would be a pretty stupid aspect of the power if it did."

Ryuzaki hunkered over his legs, looking at him sideways like a cat peeking out the side of a cardboard box. "Already back to accepting that the power is supernatural?"

Light looked away, bangs obscuring his eyes. "Usually I would have protested that it had to be something that could be explained scientifically," he said, voice subdued, "but even I must admit that I've never seen how this could be anything but supernatural, as much as it disturbs me."

He glanced over at the detective through his umber hair. "You've seemed pretty willing to believe it's supernatural from the beginning, though, Ryuzaki."

Ryuzaki shrugged his shoulders, the movement awkward in his hunched position. "There wasn't any other possible explanation."

Light looked away, seeming to collapse slightly against the wall as his hands came up to cover his face, eyes closing. "So do Shinigami really exist, then?" he said faintly, almost indistinguishably, and his entire body shook slightly. "Where else could such power come from…"

"I don't know, Light-kun," Ryuzaki said, in an almost consoling tone, and he even straightened up slightly. "But I plan to find out."

"Yeah," Light said, removing his hands from his face and opening his eyes to look at the detective, expression almost exaggeratedly earnest. "And I'm with you all the way, Ryuzaki."

"Thank you," Ryuzaki said.

"I mean," Light said, and his lips twitched upwards sardonically as he lifted his cuffed hands, the metal catching the harsh prison light and glinting coldly, "it's not like I have a choice." He lowered his hands back to his legs, saying more seriously: "But I wouldn't walk away from this even if I could."

Ryuzaki blinked at him, biting his thumb. "I'm almost surprised you have any friends," he remarked.

Light laughed blandly. "That's all on the good looks, I assure you," he said, charming grin accompanied paradoxically by a self-deprecating tone. "And the fact that I hold back on them." His expression sobered, then, and the lightness of his previous words were offset by the weight his voice held when he said: "I'm not holding back on you, Ryuzaki."

Ryuzaki stared at him for a few moments, dark eyes seeming to have relaxed slightly from their earlier attempts at X-ray vision. "I appreciate it," he said, with the same weight in his tone, like the Earth had doubled its mass in the span of a few seconds and increased the force of gravity twofold.

For a few moments the silence filled the room like humidity.

Then Light's eyes narrowed, glinting slightly, and his tone had lightened to an almost unconcerned airiness again as he said: "That previous statement of yours, though. How do you know that I actually _do_ have any friends?"

Ryuzaki's lips curved upwards. "I can't slip anything by you," he said. "I had Matsuda do some research into your social life. He conducted interviews with many of your acquaintances."

Light stared at the detective for a moment, and then amusement made itself plain on his features. "That so?" he said, and laughed lightly. There was an almost impish curve to his smile as he said: "I bet Matsuda enjoyed that assignment, what with all the rumors I've heard floating around and never felt particularly bothered enough to try to correct."

"He did seem to," Ryuzaki agreed, watching Light almost curiously.

Light held his gaze with a guileless kind of ignorance. "I can't imagine you discovered anything all that interesting from it, though," he said. His tone was almost apologetic.

"Not much," Ryuzaki said, tilting his head and resting a thumb at his lips. His dark eyes were wide and searching. "Only that you're always thinking several steps ahead of everyone else, even in the most seemingly trivial of situations."

Light's eyes lost their naive shine and seemed to shutter, till they were as blank and unemotional as glass. "And that reminded you of yourself, did it?" he asked.

Ryuzaki stared at him, biting his thumb. "As always, remarkably astute."

Light laughed, but the sound was without humor. "You keep looking at me like I'm some kind of aberration, Ryuzaki," he said quietly, like the fact hurt him. His eyes were unreadable.

"'A departure from what is normal, usual, or expected'?" Ryuzaki recited, holding Light's gaze. "Yes, I'd say you _are_ that."

"'Typically one that's unwelcome,'" Light added to the definition. He looked away, bangs sweeping over his face, parted his lips as if he was going to speak but then paused, seeming almost hesitant. He wet his chapped lips. When he looked back over at Ryuzaki his expression was injured but his eyes were calculating. His voice was soft: "Do I disturb you, Ryuzaki?"

Ryuzaki just stared at him, expression unchanging. "Do I disturb _you_ , Light-kun?"

Light took a deep, almost shuddering breath. "A little bit," he said finally, looking away again. His hands curled against his thighs, pale against the black fabric. "Mostly though I'm just… enjoying myself." He laughed weakly. His tone was self-deprecating again. "Talking to you like this. Not having to hold back."

He pulled his legs closer to his chest, his shoulders hunching. "I guess I am younger than you, though, and so hadn't spent quite as long feeling completely alienated from everyone else," he murmured. "So it's probably less weird for me to find someone on my level; I hadn't quite lost hope that I would, someday." He then seemed to backpedal slightly, shrugging as he added hurriedly: "Not that I know how much younger than you I am, of course."

Ryuzaki was staring at him. "About seven years," he said, after several moments of silence had slithered past.

Light's umber eyes widened, and he quickly turned his head to look at the detective, blinking. "Huh?"

"I'm about seven years older than you," Ryuzaki said. His dark-gray eyes were wide and he bit at his thumb. "Don't worry, though; there's nothing about my age that could lead to my identity."

Light's eyes relaxed. "Seven years, huh?" he mused, looking down at the gray concrete of the cell floor. "So you're about twenty-five. That's actually a little older than I was expecting."

"I have been previously informed that I'm rather childish," Ryuzaki agreed.

Light smiled slightly. "Just a little bit," he said. "It certainly has worked to your advantage, though—you fit in much better with all the Freshman at college than you would have otherwise." He glanced over at the detective, an impish light back in his eyes. "Though you did still stick out like a sore thumb," he ribbed, "but everyone assumed that was because you were homeschooled. Which I imagine isn't actually that far from the truth."

Ryuzaki held the teen's gaze, thumb rubbing along his lower lip. "You sure talk a lot, don't you, Light-kun?" he said flatly.

Light's umber eyes widened. "Am I talking too much?" he said, voice raised in alarm, expression almost panicked. "Oh, sorry!"

Ryuzaki watched as Light looked away, legs pulling tighter to his chest and fingers clenching in the black fabric of his pants, his eyes closed and head bowed over his knees. "After being locked up in a cell alone for so long, I began to really miss human company," he murmured, shame lacing his voice. "I can't even tell you how much I wanted to talk to someone after all that forced solitude… especially to you, Ryuzaki… since, I mean…"

His shoulders shook. "I'm really sorry." His voice was low and choked. "You're probably tired, since you've probably actually been _working_ on the case for all this time that I've been in here doing absolutely nothing—" his breath hitched, and he covered his mouth with both hands, murmured, "I'll be quiet now," indistinctly through his fingers, and stopped talking. He didn't move, either, as if afraid any movement would cause some kind of noise. He hardly even seemed to be breathing.

For a few moments it was silent as Ryuzaki crouched there looking with wide eyes at the teen's diminished form. He might have glanced at the security camera in the corner of the teen's cell, but it was difficult to tell with his long black bangs obscuring his face.

Finally Ryuzai shifted closer and slide a hand sideways through the bars, managing to brush Light's knee with his long fingers, making the teen flinch.

"I don't mind, really," Ryuzaki said, patting Light awkwardly on the knee. "I was just making an observation. And it's perfectly natural to crave human company, especially after so long in solitary confinement." He pulled his hand back, still staring at the unmoving teen. "You've held up remarkably well, all things considered."

After a few moments Light removed his face from his hands, turning his head slightly to regard Ryuzaki with deadened eyes. "Were you trying to break me, Ryuzaki?" he asked quietly.

"Originally I was almost fully convinced that you were Kira; so yes, I was hoping you would break and confess." Ryuzaki said, holding Light's gaze unflinchingly. "Though I must admit I did not have much hope of you actually doing so."

Light stared at him for a few moments and then looked away, his lips twitching slightly. "I'll overlook your iniquitous yet understandable intentions and take the offered compliment," he said. He seemed to hesitate, and then after a beat asked: "How is Misa holding up, by the way?"

"She's been remarkably resilient, as well," Ryuzaki said.

"Well, she _was_ the Second Kira, so I suppose that makes sense," Light said, staring down through the gap between his knees at the edge of the cot beyond his toes. "And if I was the original Kira, that would make sense as well, wouldn't it?" His tone was bitter. "If I could kill that many people without being bothered, a little solitary confinement isn't much in comparison, is it?"

Ryuzaki looked up at the ceiling, as if he were watching something there. His thumb rubbed over his lip. "Even the most heinous murderers will break down in solitary confinement," he said. "It's technically a form of psychological torture." He glanced back over at Light. "Your resilience says more about your ability to feel like you still maintain some control over your life than anything about your morals, as it's the perceived lack of control that makes prisoners in solitary confinement feel most helpless."

Light looked over at the detective expressionlessly. "So you admit that you've been psychologically torturing us, Ryuzaki?" His voice was quiet and inflectionless.

Ryuzaki held his gaze, equally emotionless. "I'm willing to do anything in order to solve this case, Light-kun," he stated. There was no remorse in his dark-gray eyes.

They remained staring at each other for several moments, their faces two unreadable masks, before Light's finally cracked into a smile.

"I admire that resolve," he said, and there was nothing but sincerity in his tone. The umber of his eyes was warm. "I must admit that I'm mostly just surprised that the rest of the Task Force allowed you to do this."

Ryuzaki's thumb rubbed over his lip. "Desperate times call for desperate measures," he mumbled behind the digit, eyes flicking briefly to his cell door and then back to Light's face, "and Kira has been making them all feel rather desperate."

Light looked away and didn't answer. "Still maintain some control over my life, huh?" he mused aloud, rotating his wrists in their cuffs so he was looking at his palms. "I suppose that's true. I did ask to be detained, after all. It was my choice." He glanced over at Ryuzaki, lips curving slightly. "And I managed to get you confined here with me," he added. His eyes were analyzing. "Though it did seem to me that you were in fact prompting me into doing so."

"I was," Ryuzaki confirmed. He bit at his thumb, eyes remaining fixed on Light. "I figured you had picked up on that."

"I'm glad I didn't disappoint," Light smiled. Humor tinged his voice as he added: "It would have been rather a blow to my ego."

Ryuzaki tilted his head slightly. "Light-kun isn't very humble," he noted.

Light's lips twitched wryly. "Neither is Ryuzaki-kun, is he?"

"No, I'd say not," Ryuzaki conceded, removing his thumb from his mouth. He said seriously: "I do not make a habit of being wrong."

"No, I imagine it would be difficult to be the most renowned detective in the world if you made a habit of that," Light agreed. His voice was laced with amusement.

"Indeed," Ryuzaki said solemnly, as if he hadn't noticed the ribbing nature of the teen's statement.

Light looked at him for a few moments, expression neutral but gaze analyzing, before he finally looked away, bangs falling over his face. "Say," he said, tone subdued, "do you happen to know how long I've been detained at this point?" The fingers of his right hand rubbed over his left wrist where he had a faint, nearly unnoticeable watch tan. "It's disconcerting to have so little concept of time."

Ryuzaki hadn't stopped watching him. "It's been fourteen days now, I believe."

"Two weeks, huh?" Light murmured, seemingly to himself. "I hope my dad came up with a good excuse for my absence. I'd hate for my mom and sister to be worried at all." He paused. There was a slight frown in his voice as he said: "And if I recall, my sister had a calculus test coming up… she's probably taken it by now." He glanced over at the cell door, his tone rueful. "I hope she did okay studying without my help. She's not an idiot, but she tends to give up too easily."

"Yagami-san said that he told them you're doing an intensive language-immersion study abroad program in America, which is why you can't call and talk to them," Ryuzaki said.

Light looked over at him, narrowing his eyes. "Language immersion in America, huh?" His tone was annoyed. "And when exactly was he going to tell me that?" He looked irritably at the cell floor, drumming his fingers on his knee as he muttered: "I'll need to make sure to improve my English while working on the case, or that alibi isn't going to be believable."

Ryuzaki blinked at him. "I can help you with that, if you'd like," he offered, after a moment. "I'm quite proficient at English."

Light brightened considerably, straightening and turning to the detective with eager eyes. _"Thank you, Ryuzaki,"_ he said in accented English, smiling. Beyond the hopefulness in his demeanor was something almost excited. _"I would really appreciate that."_

" _It would be my pleasure,"_ Ryuzaki said, switching easily into fluent English. " _Should we start now?"_

Light shifted on the cot so that he was more fully facing the detective. His eyes were bright. _"Yes, please."_

Ryuzaki was looking at him curiously, and Light smiled wryly, adding: _"It will be nice to finally have something to do."_

Ryuzaki's dark eyes lost their searching edge. _"Well, there isn't much else to do here,"_ he agreed, shifting so that he was facing Light through the bars as well. He rubbed his thumb over his lip and offered: " _Why don't you start by telling me how much you know and what you need more help with."_

Light smiled brightly, Ryuzaki smiled shyly, and watching it all through the monitors three Japanese policemen looked at each other in confusion.

* * *

 **Author Notes  
**

* * *

The meal in this chapter is taken from a _RocketNews24_ article, "Ever wondered what Japanese prison food tastes like? Try it firsthand at the 'Prison Cafeteria" (Andrew Miller, 2013), about a cafeteria in Japan that serves the same food that the genuine inmates of Abashirishi prison eat for lunch each day.

* * *

The author took the liberty of deleting most of the author notes that had been previously included in this story, because they were unnecessary and the author was also kinda stressing out about them for not-entirely-justifiable reasons (see the Notice below).

Consequently, though, the story looks much cleaner now, and the author hopes it is actually easier to read as well.

* * *

 **Notice:** This story is currently on hiatus and likely will not be updated for an extended period of time. This is due to personal issues, the brief overview of which being that the author is not entirely emotionally stable at the moment.

The author apologizes that this story which you (presumably) enjoy happens to be written by such an unreliable individual, and humbly entreats your patience while these personal issues are sorted out.


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